In fairness, I asked people to tell me how it could be better. I care less about the score (though I love my score!) than I care about knowing I did the best I could do. The bullet point summary was a great idea for improving the readability and utility of the sub. Go to Comment
It certainly could for some parts. The real question is, should it?
There are many hard, objective "facts" about each character which won't be revealed in a description, but in RP. In particular, the deeper layers of a character aren't found in a box of text you read to the players. Instead, these details come out naturally in RP. When that happens, the PCs' (and players') will provide their own context and interpretations. Instead of *telling* them different, the players and PCs will perceive differently, filtered by their own experiences. Let them do the heavy lifting here. It's more natural and less work for you.
Now the first two layers ARE just descriptions to read out, and could easily provide vastly different observations to different characters. There's a lot of room for subjectivity, here. But weigh this authenticity against playability and your own valuable prep time. Sure, you COULD write up six different descriptions to give to six different PCs. And if you have the time and your players don't mind, go for it. But I bet not many of us have that kind of time. :) My suggestion of providing one detail tailored to each PC in your group was intended to provide some subjectivity without bogging down play or requiring too much prep time. Go to Comment
I think the voting as it stands is fine. This isn't a place where we scientifically determine who's best (It's me, BTW). It's a place where we share ideas, get feedback, and (at least in my case) learn ways to improve. The voting is just a cool way to add experience and get a general sense of how you're doing, but it's also highly subjective.
The real value as a writer here is the honest feedback. Don't get me wrong, I love me some 4 or 5 ratings, but the single most valuable feedback I've gotten here came with a lower vote and some honest criticism. And you can't formalize or granularize (it's a word because I say so!) honest feedback.
Cute bit of silliness. There should be a fifth word, beginning with the letter E, so the acronym can be SIEGE. Maybe a highly specialized version which permits the user to win free of a besieged location. The Standard Issue Escape Goat.... okay, I got nothing. I just want to see it become "SIEGE." :P Go to Comment
I'd have rated higher if it were a bit longer, but I love the feel. Someone else said "Fallout," so I'll only echo that reading this, I was immediately beset by thoughts of a scenario set somewhere in the Nevada Wastelands.
Of course, a version set in the modern day could be interesting, and I could see this fitting into my modern supers... I wonder how she'd get along with the newer nanotech-based AI living inside Sarah Voltaire? Go to Comment
Thanks for the feedback. I'll check the codex, too. It's funny... I originally wrote the adventure in the early 90s, then shelved it because my group at the time decided to play supers instead. Years later, with a different group, I was trying to come up with a short adventure to follow-up a very intense story we'd just finished. That song came on the radio and reminded me of my story... same name... I pulled it out, made a few changes, and ran it. And the tale turned out to be just as intense as the one we'd just finished, though much shorter.
The Rose I wrote here became a little more sinister in the end than the one I ran for my group, but it felt right, making the legend a deliberate tease for greedy folk to feed the garden. Go to Comment
The tale talks about how the land prospered in ancient times. Rose, now weaker, keeps the desert (and in some iterations the entire continent) alive now. Without her, it all ends. In my plot hooks, I mention an actual play with Heroes questing to save the land. The entire continent was suffering drought, and the legend drew the heroes to the desert. There they found Rose dying. Years earlier (at the beginning of the drought, coincidentally), an unsavory group found its way to her and sought the rose of legend. She used too much energy to defend the garden, and as she slowly died, so did the land. The heroes had to restore her to restore the land. Which they did by sacrificing one of their number. I actually have a sub in the works which ties in here as well. Go to Comment
You're right, a bit. I probably should have made one or two locations, and the event separately. In fact, this might be more properly described as the event, and then I should make the location separately.
I can see where some of what I had in mind didn't translate to the page. I'll edit to clarify. Though it does say the Tower of Dreams still stands to this day, the fate of the buildings is not quite as clear. My original intent was none of blue stone buildings survived, but in retrospect some probably should... might make people surviving more implausible if the city is crushed flat. Go to Comment
Thanks for the feedback. Your comments highlight some issues I've had removing events and places from their game- and world-specific context to make them more widely useful. I need to think on that a bit.
The odd buildings were inspired by a piece of artwork. I tried to find a copy online to link to but could not. The building almost look like they were grown, not built.
Regarding context... You're right. This probably doesn't work in most settings. This was part of a story in Everway, in which there is a context for Dragons as... ancient beings of unimaginable power. Old Dragons were second only to the Gods in power, and in fact their legend is very similar to the stories of angels told today: First beings created by the Gods, perfect and powerful, favored of the Gods', The worlds men live in today were created by the Gods for the Dragons to play with. Not the Dragon's natural habitat, but a playground. Until one day they began to defy the will of the Gods'. There was a great war and all the Old Dragons were killed, or punished afterward. Modern dragons and many other monstrous beings are descended from those punished dragons, and much lesser in scope.
Into this setting I placed a legend, of an Old Dragon who was considered old by the other Dragons of its time. This Dragon spent all its time sleeping, and in fact slept through the entire war. When the Gods finally noticed it, they couldn't bring themselves to punish it. They set it down on a world and left it alone, to dream its dreams.
Everway is a setting of multiple words, and as the Dragon slept away the ages, its magic warped the worlds around it, changing how the gates worked, and even moving them so one set at its head and one near its tail. It also bolstered magic in the entire world. Men found their way there, marvels at the odd mountains, built a city, etc.
So, when the Dragon woke, it vanished, to go home. I have a sub in the works which further discusses this, too. I've been very lax about finishing my subs though.
As to the classification... yeah... I've waffled on that. Maybe this is more of an event after all. Go to Comment