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Valadaars First Submission Advice
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-03-12 12:26 PM
Good thoughts. I've added one of my own. Go to Comment
Valadaars First Submission Advice
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-04-11 11:57 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Gravediggers' Legacy
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Combat)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-14 06:55 PM
Man, I really DIG this-- hmmm... no.

Man, those SPADES sure are aces-- hrm.... no quite.

Okay, I tried to be clever but I guess it's time to throw in the trowel.

Well-presented, engaging, darkly humorous. 4.5 and my HOH of the day. Go to Comment
A Dozen Unusual Flowers
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-14 07:15 PM
Another well conceived, well-written piece. Plenty of interesting ideas, for casual throwaways in game, or in one or two cases for a story. Go to Comment
7 Things About Criticism
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-23 08:46 PM
Excellent. Gets right into the heart of what can go wrong in critiquing the work of others, and provides important suggestions for expressing constructive critiques. Go to Comment
Felicia 'Fever' Cortez
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-14 12:34 PM
I think I can tighten it up. However, part of the mess is the format, and that won't change. The Organic NPC model presents information in the order another character is likely to discover it, not necessarily the order it all happened. But within that, there's definitely some smoothing out to be done. Some of it is translating what's clear in my head to the page.

This was sort of banged out on the spot. I asked a friend to throw me a name from a "neighboring country." That also supplied the gender, though in fairness the friend I asked had a 99% chance of responding with a female name. :) I thought of a nickname, then worked the nickname into the idea with the heat absorption. I also used my Delta Factor world for this, the only world I know well enough to bang a character out this quick. :P

I think all the traits except fertility - which frankly I ignored for this project - are there. I'll see if I can more clearly call them out.

You're right about the rival mercenary. Just tacked on. It was the one that gave me grief, and even then I went with "former military rival" instead of "childhood," and used the first code name to pop into my head. :)

The one you didn't see was the rich client who blames her for a theft. I decided she didn't actually do it, and in fact when I thought about it specifically in terms of my game I realized exactly how I will present this NPC in play, because I know which of the PCs actually DID the theft. :) (hint, it was the shapeshifting professional thief.)

Her brother's friend is the contact within the gang. He helped her get revenge and he's the only one who knows it was her who killed the shooter. I imagine his gang thinks it was him who did it, and he's got some fair respect out of it.

The wealth comes from the high paying private contractor job. She was in the army, doing high level stuff, but getting a corporal's pay, so she mustered out, went private, which in real life is very high paying, and I imagine a super powerer private contractor earns a real premium. I can detail that a bit better.

Re: "Dense" it was hard in my head to reconcile "Dense" with "Sensible." I decided - and will try to express better - that she's not dumb, but is also not known as a tactical thinker. Not stupid. Just not known for her planning and forethought. side effect of this is spending her money as fast as she gets it. No planning for the future. She's just a hammer. Needs fleshing out, I agree. I think "supporting" came out in her feelings for her brother and her sending money to her dad. Maybe need to flesh that out more.

Also, side note, the title messed up, post submission, and I can't fix it. There's a bug report, but if it can't be fixed, I'm already planning a delete and re-post maneuver, because the name needs to display right, dammit. Go to Comment
Felicia 'Fever' Cortez
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-14 02:21 PM
Update: Updated. Fixed a few sections, clarified some. Still need to do more. Go to Comment
Felicia 'Fever' Cortez
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-04-21 12:36 PM
Update: I've done some slight re-writing, editing, and a bit more proofing. Go to Comment
Felicia 'Fever' Cortez
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-04-23 01:09 PM
Thank you. To be honest, I've already made a few changes to this NPC, to better fit into a specific plot I have planned. The idea of such a super elite member of the army just seems a little ridiculous... so I made her a Marine. :D Go to Comment
The Town of Inexplicable Babies
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-19 06:12 PM
Like Axel, I think maybe a bit more. But the idea... it's wacky and zany, and deserves a good vote.

You use names I'd associate with Fantasy worlds. Are all of the babies human? Are they all of uniform ethnicity? Or are those random as well? Or appropriate to the finder? Of course, I could decide for myself, but I'm really very lazy. Go to Comment
Trash Golem
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-06 08:38 PM
I'd love to see a modern-day form of this. It's a perfect monster for modern horror or modern... weird. Go to Comment
Trash Golem
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-06 08:42 PM
An interesting idea, with a lot of potential uses. Well written. Like I said in my idea, there should be a cool modern-day version for horror and/or weird. Go to Comment
15/30 Bards
NPCs  (Minor)   (Artistic/Performance)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-04-18 01:34 PM
One I used in a game: "The Entertainer."

He's not a Bard. He's a Fighter. But he's always dreamt of being a Bard. He wields weapons he thinks a Bard should use. Quarterstaff, probably. He carries an instrument. He can play... some. He can sing... okay. He tells people he's an "entertainer." He isn't lying... except maybe to himself.
For best effect, stat out the best Fighter you can, being sure to neglect at least one and preferably two key Bard stats, then spend all secondary skills on "Bard" skills like singing and playing. Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-01 11:48 AM
I meant the example to sort of stand for that, but then decided to put the example in each step. Would you suggest pulling it all together at the end like the original draft, or a completely separate summary? Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-01 12:47 PM
Update: Made a few changes, corrections, clarifications, and added a new final section to summarize the process as suggested. Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-01 06:17 PM
Thank you for the feedback. I always want to improve. Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-02 10:48 AM
Flattery will get you everywhere. :)
Seriously, thank you. Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-03 11:26 AM
Thank you. I'm glad others are finding this useful, and that I wasn't just obsessing needlessly over my NPCs. Obsessing, yes. But not *needlessly*. Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-03 02:15 PM
Update: A couple of typos fixed and a slight clarification in the "First Date" section. Go to Comment
Organic NPCs (and PCs)
Articles  (Character)   (Gaming - In General)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-02-03 07:50 PM
Thank you. The scalable was actually... sort of accidental. I was working on this way to present the major NPCs, and realized... "Hey... I could just stop at step three." Go to Comment
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