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Legacy, Part III - Delta Company
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-15 07:24 PM
Let me think about how to better phrase those...

The intent of the sigh and running off is this: the moment of crisis has passed and Kevin, not wanting to be late (and really not wanting to deal with the mess which was just created), takes off running.

Also, I realized I narrated from his viewpoint without giving a clue about what an outside observer would be perceiving, which is that Kevin is moving at super speed. So he'll never be late again. :) But yeah, I could show that better. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part III - Delta Company
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-22 01:02 PM
Update: Fixed a section to better illustrate what happens as Kevin Expresses. Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-14 02:32 PM
Hitler's suicide was not suicide. Was he killed because he was a mindless dupe to this same dark power? Or did he shoot himself to complete the ritual which ensure his own dark spirit would remain to infect the world for decades to come? Go to Comment
30 Super-Villians
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-01-27 07:43 PM
A couple I've used in the past...

Spectre uses his ability to merge with shadow and travel between shadows to get the drop on criminals, who he beats senseless. You might think he's a hero, and sure, he's helped a bunch of people. But he also takes their stuff, and isn't shy about using excessive force.

The Fury was drugged and they thought she was dead. They disposed of her body by putting her in the buildings incinerator. That's where she woke up. On Fire. She's criminally insane, usually failing to distinguish between friend and foe, and burns so hot it should have consumes her long ago. She doesn't talk; only howls in rage and pain and hate. Go to Comment
Castle
NPCs  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-13 12:14 PM
I like this one. A power that seems pretty minor, but depending on how easily usable it is, it could be incredibly powerful in a fight. Switching places with someone can really mess them up, put them out of position, facing the wrong way, all sorts of trouble. Go to Comment
It's A Gone World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-13 12:11 PM
Aramax, I challenged this one. If you feel the need to make a comment preemptively defending the sub, that should tell you something. The potential here to offend outweighs any utility. This is something that could be pursued, but it needs to be handled to care and sensitivity, and I'm sorry, but that didn't happen here.

In addition, there's two other issues which were not challenge-worthy, but which I think deserve mention.

First, this isn't a 100 word sub; it's a stub. I haven't had a problem with your short format before this, but an idea touching on such a topic deserves more thought and consideration than trying to fit it in such a short word count.

Second, run this through spell check and grammar, or have someone proofread it. I typo like mad and I know it, so I don't expect perfection, But some effort to clean up a post would be nice. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:08 AM
Thanks. I appreciate the comment on my choice of tense. Fair warning, a LOT of my subs use this tense. I know it's not one a lot of people like to use, or read. I like it because it gives a sense of being more part of the scene. For me anyway.

I should maybe not admit this, but I tried to do a thing where all the past scenes were in past tense, and mixed my tenses horribly because I'm so used to writing in present tense. Need to fix it ASAP. :P Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:09 AM
Heh. Where were you when others were talking me into splitting Legacy into parts. :P Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:38 AM
Update: Fixed some mixed tenses in the flashback scenes. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:39 AM
Don't worry. Part three is in editing now. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:48 AM
Also, sorry for the confusion. The intent was to begin vague. No-one has names and the scene is very... impressionistic. I bring the names in later, but perhaps that was an unwise choice.

The characters met thus far are Kevin Baxter, great grandson and namesake of Major Baxter; and Jenny Sanders. It's Kevin and Jenny in every scene in this part. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:54 AM
Thanks. I appreciate the feedback. I was feeling cheesy about splitting it up, but I realized this morning splitting it up also lets me get part of it done sooner, instead of holding back the entire piece. There's merit in that, I think. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 05:37 PM
Thank you. Of course you also have a little extra insight to Jenny. But you might know know Kevin. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-16 01:43 PM
Thank you for that. Go to Comment
H.M.A.A.
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-08 11:39 AM
I like the idea. I guess I can't complain that it seems short since it was a 100 word challenge. :P Go to Comment
30 Alien Races
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-29 03:57 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
30 Alien Races
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-29 04:00 PM
30 Alien Races
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-29 04:01 PM
So good, I guess I voted twice. Stupid, non-responsive button. Go to Comment
Burly Bill's Beautiful Beverages
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-05-02 06:57 PM
I like it. It's a bit on the short side, but it builds a nice picture in my head. I'd like to know more about Humanity First. Go to Comment
Longspeak's comment on 2014-05-02 01:03 PM
I also can't wait to see Evie figure out Jennifer's abilities. :P Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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