Concept: Full Point - Based on: "Is this a good and/or interesting idea?" Hell, yes. Easy to understand, with complex possibilities. Great idea.
Craft: Half Point - Based on: "Did I find the work free of errors and written with a reasonable level of technical proficiency?" Yes, but there are a few errors and a spot or two it could be tightened up.
Style: Full Point - Based on: "Did the work give a good sense of the material, a 'flavor,' so to speak?" Yes. This gives a great sense of what you're going for.
Substance: Full Point - Based on: "As a GM or Player, Can I take what's presented and run with it?" Another, "Hell, Yes."
Extra Mile: Full Point. Based on: "Did the work go above and beyond in one or more of the above criteria, and/or did this piece somehow 'speak' to me in a way which is not accounted for by the four criteria?" Yes. This presents an interesting and simple way to define NPCs. For NPCs too important to be one-liners, but not important enough to merit a detailed background, this makes a fantastic middle ground which can easily be expanded on if the need arises.
4.5/5.0, and an HoH when eligible.