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Gragnark, King of the Orcs
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Combative)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-20 02:45 PM
I gotta be honest, from the title and the summary blurb, I expected this to be bad. But it wasn't.

This is a bit on the short side, could use some fleshing out. But what IS there is good stuff. It's evocative, and pretty interesting. Although... it's too bad none of the picutres show him missing that arm. :P

There are a few nitpicks in the presentation, but overall, I'd say this is a darn good sub. 4.0/5 Go to Comment
Introducing Generators!
Articles  (Other Gaming)   (Citadel Help)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-20 02:48 PM
Lots of work went into compiling this. Nicely done, and of great use. 5/5 Go to Comment
The Threat of Sugar
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Artistic/Performance)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-17 03:27 PM
I think this is well done. It presents an interesting idea in an equally interesting way, leaving a lot of leeway for a GM to fit this into his own work. It has a sweet (pun intended) "Stand Alone Complex" vibe I can see fitting in to any story set in a less-than-perfect future - which is all of them really.

The block quotes make the individual posts seem more forum-like, too.

There are a few typos, but they actually work perfectly here, because they're all in forum posts. Those are always riddled with errors. I'm not sure of you did it on purpose or not, but don't correct them. :P

My only beef is all the extra reading I had to do on the Eclipse Phase site. :P Go to Comment
The Residents of Oldport
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Local)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-16 01:48 PM
A couple of awkward phrasings, but overall very well written piece built around a very interesting idea. I'd love to see more about Oldport, its history, people and environs. Go to Comment
The Ruins of Oldport
Locations  (Ruins)   (Plains)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-15 12:10 PM
Engaging, well-presented & most of all something I can see myself using. With a little tweaking for the naming style, this would be a perfect addition to my Everway games. (Everway has a pretty specific naming convention, so pretty much everything has to be renamed to fit. :P )

About the only flaw I see here is the dead link to the Resident of Oldport. :P Hopefully you'll have that finished and the link will work soon so I can read that one as well. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part III - Delta Company
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-14 10:54 PM
Re: "Fast Friends," the term refers not to speed but to being firm. It's possible it's a colloquialism that isn't universal, but I thought it appropriate in the voice of the narrator.

Re: My typos, Awesome. Keep pointing those out. I'll keep fixing 'em.

Re: bit of work, I actually posted this part without being super happy with it. It felt - and still feels - like something's missing. But I couldn't put my finger on it and in the end, "perfect is the enemy of good," so I posted it. :) Any suggestions for what this part may be missing would be welcome. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part III - Delta Company
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-15 07:24 PM
Let me think about how to better phrase those...

The intent of the sigh and running off is this: the moment of crisis has passed and Kevin, not wanting to be late (and really not wanting to deal with the mess which was just created), takes off running.

Also, I realized I narrated from his viewpoint without giving a clue about what an outside observer would be perceiving, which is that Kevin is moving at super speed. So he'll never be late again. :) But yeah, I could show that better. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part III - Delta Company
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-22 01:02 PM
Update: Fixed a section to better illustrate what happens as Kevin Expresses. Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-14 02:32 PM
Hitler's suicide was not suicide. Was he killed because he was a mindless dupe to this same dark power? Or did he shoot himself to complete the ritual which ensure his own dark spirit would remain to infect the world for decades to come? Go to Comment
30 Super-Villians
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-01-27 07:43 PM
A couple I've used in the past...

Spectre uses his ability to merge with shadow and travel between shadows to get the drop on criminals, who he beats senseless. You might think he's a hero, and sure, he's helped a bunch of people. But he also takes their stuff, and isn't shy about using excessive force.

The Fury was drugged and they thought she was dead. They disposed of her body by putting her in the buildings incinerator. That's where she woke up. On Fire. She's criminally insane, usually failing to distinguish between friend and foe, and burns so hot it should have consumes her long ago. She doesn't talk; only howls in rage and pain and hate. Go to Comment
Castle
NPCs  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-13 12:14 PM
I like this one. A power that seems pretty minor, but depending on how easily usable it is, it could be incredibly powerful in a fight. Switching places with someone can really mess them up, put them out of position, facing the wrong way, all sorts of trouble. Go to Comment
It's A Gone World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-13 12:11 PM
Aramax, I challenged this one. If you feel the need to make a comment preemptively defending the sub, that should tell you something. The potential here to offend outweighs any utility. This is something that could be pursued, but it needs to be handled to care and sensitivity, and I'm sorry, but that didn't happen here.

In addition, there's two other issues which were not challenge-worthy, but which I think deserve mention.

First, this isn't a 100 word sub; it's a stub. I haven't had a problem with your short format before this, but an idea touching on such a topic deserves more thought and consideration than trying to fit it in such a short word count.

Second, run this through spell check and grammar, or have someone proofread it. I typo like mad and I know it, so I don't expect perfection, But some effort to clean up a post would be nice. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:08 AM
Thanks. I appreciate the comment on my choice of tense. Fair warning, a LOT of my subs use this tense. I know it's not one a lot of people like to use, or read. I like it because it gives a sense of being more part of the scene. For me anyway.

I should maybe not admit this, but I tried to do a thing where all the past scenes were in past tense, and mixed my tenses horribly because I'm so used to writing in present tense. Need to fix it ASAP. :P Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:09 AM
Heh. Where were you when others were talking me into splitting Legacy into parts. :P Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:38 AM
Update: Fixed some mixed tenses in the flashback scenes. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:39 AM
Don't worry. Part three is in editing now. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:48 AM
Also, sorry for the confusion. The intent was to begin vague. No-one has names and the scene is very... impressionistic. I bring the names in later, but perhaps that was an unwise choice.

The characters met thus far are Kevin Baxter, great grandson and namesake of Major Baxter; and Jenny Sanders. It's Kevin and Jenny in every scene in this part. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 11:54 AM
Thanks. I appreciate the feedback. I was feeling cheesy about splitting it up, but I realized this morning splitting it up also lets me get part of it done sooner, instead of holding back the entire piece. There's merit in that, I think. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-10 05:37 PM
Thank you. Of course you also have a little extra insight to Jenny. But you might know know Kevin. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Longspeak's comment on 2014-10-16 01:43 PM
Thank you for that. Go to Comment
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