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Notable Locations of Teleleli
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Lockheed's comment on 2010-05-25 03:28 AM
I really like this submission. The tone swings oddly though, being plain dumb silly in some places, hilarious in others, and fascinatingly haunting in others.

Out of curiosity, what do you use Teleleli for? Rpg? Story? Go to Comment
Despatching A Were-Swan
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-11-07 08:51 PM
An interesting adventure for lower-level PCs. Anything that turns the Players into outlaws is fun in my book. Could make for a light change of pace, although few players enjoy having their characters look foolish. The term "Swanmay" might be a better descriptor than "were-swan". Go to Comment
The Kebah-Di'i, students of the White Sand God
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Plains)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-11-08 10:17 AM
Update: Bolded the titles for section clarification Go to Comment
The Ecto-Burner
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-11-03 04:01 PM
I'm of two minds about this one. Much of the description and writing style is really awesome and enjoyable. And the weapon shoots flaming ghosts at people. Which is sweet. Thats the good stuff.

On the other hand, some of your stylistic choices don't fit well with the piece, like all the pseudo-biblical "many were his factories" bits. Its a touch on the purple side, and seems out of place. It also feels goofy and ghostbusters in some places but not in others, which makes the goofiness feel strange and uncomfortable. Its like you weren't sure wether to make the thing hilarious and fun, the type of thing to make PCs snort with glee as they blast baddies with it or solemn and cool, the type of thing that makes a PC feel like a total badass.

I really like the idea though, and a "precursor technology" version is sure to find its way into an upcoming campaign. Go to Comment
Lance of Hades
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-10-12 09:30 PM
Very solid submission. I like how it works well, appears well-researched, and hints at a good deal of background information without actually stating anything. Uhh... also its a flamethrower, which= cool. Go to Comment
Dondraconuils Grand Basilisk
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-03 10:22 PM
Nice! Feels like something out of "A Song of Ice and Fire" in that its fantasy without being magical. On the other hand, why the name? Is the intimidation factor what "turns people to stone?" Go to Comment
The Sorcerer's Art
Systems  (Mystical)   (Defining)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-01 06:15 PM
Thank you! The campaign that I'm running it in is actually pretty broad in scope (with plenty of non-arabian elements and areas), and the characters have found that the magic system works the same regardless of where they go. People from different regions just use different terms.

Although I happen to like desert settings a lot. Go to Comment
The Lost City of Akelor
Locations  (City)   (Mountains)
Lockheed's comment on 2010-09-01 12:01 PM
This is pretty great, and I enjoyed it a good deal. However, it frequently feels like you are actively trying to write in someone else's style, which can't help but feel forced and off at times. The hyphens and whelter of adjectives is kind of a trademark CP thing, and it works for him. You don't typically write that way, so it doesn't work as well here. Also there were many grammar problems, although its not that surprising given how difficult it must be to edit this massive beast. Again, very creative, cool world, great adventure. Go to Comment
Of Mutants
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-12 11:36 PM
It is good, and it has the extreme misfortune to have a tagline that echoes almost exactly the human mottoe from 40k. What you should take from that, Scrasamax, is that your sub resembles, if only superficially, a widespread published product. That means that people are going to associate, however unfairly, your submission with the established world of 40k. Thats bad for quality and annoying for you.
My advice: change the tagline. It echoes almost exactly the human motto from 40k, therefore slanting the tone of your piece in a direction guaranteed to get comments like this. And, in all honesty, they're justified. There's no real way to avoid it with a game you're unfamiliar with, but you should learn from it. If someone cites game system x, look it up. If you think the resemblance will appear to cross the line between "inspiration" to "copying", change it. The key here is "appears to". Published stuff always wins these fights, unfortunately.

I'd recommend a quote from some backwoods yokel rustling up a posse to go torch some muties. it would fit your style and actual inspiration material pretty well, I feel. Go to Comment
Blood Doll
NPCs  (Extras)   (Agricultural)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-12 10:27 PM
First of all, I love that this is under "agricultural".

The punk, modern aesthetic of White Wolf's Vampire really comes through here, only, in my opinion, better. Vampire slang not only breathes real life into this sub, it creates a sense of established setting and a serious (no other word for it) Attitude. Love it. Go to Comment
Magic as a Cause for Technology
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - In General)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-08-28 06:17 PM
I'm paradoxically a fan of both gritty low magic or folk magic settings and high magic "magepunk" settings. They both have a lot to offer, with low magics strength lying in an understanding of history and high magic's in an avoidance of triteness. Little magic scooters or magic cellphones are dumb, as is any straight analogue to modern technology or anything that has the explanation of "it's MAGIC! Duh!" Stuff like detailed magic-assissted (a term that I now love) glider-planes or elemental fueled furnaces in baroque castles are COOL. Go to Comment
The Altar Of R'gu
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-10-04 06:21 PM
Well, this dungeon rocks. A lot. Its got that great mix of travel (hinted at in the begining), problem solving, and really fun combat that marks an excellent night of rping. The plot twist at the end also provides a ton of potential grist for more adventures. After all, what group of players can't find some use for a temple-full of pyschoticly devoted pleasure cultists?

-.5 for not citing the heedra as being from Hayao Miyazaki's "Nausicaa". Go to Comment
True Vampires: Magic
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-12 11:10 PM
I like this sorcerous approach to vampires a lot. Its not for everyone, nor is it useful for all standard applications of vampires, but its a cool variant. I see myself using this approach as a group of vampiric magi in my Arabian style campaign.
That said, it really should be expanded more. Seems like you're already working on that though. Go to Comment
True Vampires
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-12 11:02 PM
Oddly, I found this philosophical approach to vampires oddly reminescent of the Ordo Dracul from Vampire. In fact, it rather seems to fit some of the original vampire myths involving arcane knowledge as a key to the vampiric state quite well (that would be the Strigoi and Vlad Tepes, the man himself). After all, there is plenty of horror to be gained from conscious decisions to perform horrific acts. The new vampire who is forced to feed faces angst and self-loathing, a gut-level reaction. A new dhampiri forced to feed is in for a sickening realization at what he has become by his own hand. The two blend well. In fact, see the Humanity points section of the current Vampire edition for something rather like this approach.
Additionally, Vampire makes frequent reference to vampires studying their potential childe in great detail to see if it would benefit them, which is very similar to this approach.
Thirdly, I think it important to read this as the viewpoint of vampires observing themselves. No one thinks of themselves as a villain. People do evil by rationalizing it to themselves, and something as debased as the vampiric lifestyle certainly requires some serious mental gymnastics in order to rationalize it. Its no surprise then that the vampires have developed an entire philosophy in order to explain their behavior. Manfred has created a race of smiling, handsome, charming sociopaths, and I quite like them. There's room in Vampire for this approach, see the Daeva and/or Ventrue.

As a last note, both mythos blend quite well with the creation of a ritual that transforms a victim, willing or not, into a vampire. It can be given as a gift, or forced upon an unsuspecting victim (assuming the vampire thinks that transforming a stranger into a powerful fiend will somehow benefit him. Most mythos do this by including the whole "spawn dominance" thing). In fact, Vampire did this with the Embrace. Go to Comment
The Carcass House
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-11-03 03:53 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Ye Olde English, the Archaic Word Challenge
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - In General)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-11-07 07:38 PM
Ooh! Fun. I'm glad I decided to visit this. I claim Carpet-Knight. Go to Comment
The Mountain of Boats
Dungeons  (Desert)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-06-30 10:03 AM
Bloody brilliant! For sure the best thing I've read on this site. As some people have said it would be nice to add a few non-combat encounters into the mix (i.e. puzzles, traps, maybe in the form of ancient and corrupted Han Tsarng wards or spells, or arcane machines that don't immediately try to crush the heroes but are still dangerous in their own right). Of course, the environment provides challenges enough as it is, what with all layers of decks and so on. An enterprising DM could easily add their own puzzles to this gem. And of course the sheer awesomeness and originality of the thing more than makes up for any perceived weakness. I mean, sure its all combat, but that doesn't keep it from being extra-awesome-amazing.

I'd like to see more stuff from this setting. I think it would make for a fantastic campaign setting. Plus, you're well on your way with just this one submission! Go to Comment
Corvorane's Cave
Dungeons  (Water)   (Style)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-10-23 11:03 PM
Cool! Exactly the kind of Piratical adventure I've been looking for. Go to Comment
Thick As Thieves
Plots  (Event)   (Single-Storyline)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-11-07 07:01 PM
Haha wow- the "Cocks and Peckers" guild runs the prostitution market! +1 for sheer tongue-in-cheek! Go to Comment
Sarks: The Sark-Hound
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Lockheed's comment on 2009-07-07 12:44 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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