By breaking it down you've made it easier to read.
While the backstory is passable (I am no good at writing decent histories/backstories myself I might add), it starts with a glaring cliche, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just has that; "heard it before feel".
The part about the sculptor and its creation is fine.
The last part still raises some questions for me: How did Ytinutroppo know about its creation?, what is this loophole that he forgot to cover?
Also, this line doesn't make any sense to me: "(he's so powerful he doesn't need to show off with a ...the bloody)."
As it stands it is ok, but could still do with some more work being done. Take your time when creating something, there is no rush.
A short man with a rather large gut, and very little hair left; Bruno is one of the city's oldest Lawyers. Although he no longer practices law, he now works in the archives. Digging out that which may be useful in the days cases and copying some of the older legal proceedings and statements so that they do not fade or fall victim to rot.
He has been a regular of The Cockatrice for many decades now, and has eaten and drank nearly everything there is, both on and off of the menu. In fact he has been spending much of his time in the kitchen, taking great pleasure in aiding Elena in matters culinary and gossip.
Many people wouldn't think that he'd be any good at 'Ringing the Cockatrice', they would be wrong. He may be small and getting on, but his aim is quite good. Something the other patrons have come to respect him greatly for, that, and his help in creating new dishes with Elena.
He is a very busy old man, quite the opposite of most would expect. As such he doesn't have that much time on his hands to socialise as one normally would, but if someone should wish to talk to him about his culinary experiments he will eagerly accept. Providing they can do multiple things at once. Go to Comment
This nocturnal creature resembles an over-sized bat, with the mouth of a star-nosed mole.
The Manabat can be as small as a normal bat, but can grow to a size larger than a human.
This creature is feared by wizards and other magic users, as it feeds of it victim's mana.
It will hide at day and hunt at night, swooping down on its prey, engulfing the magic user's face with its slimy tentacles, thereby sucking the mana from the victim. Depending on the size of the Manabat it can drain only a portion of the wizard's mana, which he will regain in a few hours, whereas the largest creatures will drain the wizard's mana permanently, rendering them ineffective as magic users.It will not harm them in any other way.
Manabats behave like normal bats and breeds in same way and numbers.
They can be tamed by a master trainer to attack on command.
Encounter ( Other ) | September 4, 2016 |