Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Refuge Beneath the Waves
Locations  (Regional)   (Water)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-11 11:06 AM
Like I said before, you use some very painting language, in lack of better words. I enjoyed this one, it's not quite a full score, but it's very close. Probably due to the fact that you rushed it a bit. For instance, the travel section could have been fleshed out more. These subaquatic vehicles, are they free to use for everyone, does people own private ones, and how common are they?

Speaking of weaponizing Kalleum, could it be used in zap-guns or tasers?

Also, here's a complimentary typo:

Though they p the threat down to the populace, many had already begun to bolster their militaries Go to Comment
The Tower of NON
Locations  (Fortification)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-10 08:52 AM
Another interesting feature, short but sweet. One of those things you kick yourself for not thinking of. I would love to play in a campaign world littered with these doctor Seuss like locations and anti-logical, fairy-tale like physics rules. Go to Comment
The Most Serene and Devoted Temple of the Moon
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-09 06:44 AM
A very human sounding legend with accompanying hubris, to think that both the moon and the sun were human made, regardless of any complications this might bring. I like it, very original and thought provoking. Works as a fairy tale, as has been pointed out, and the locations mentioned sound very alluring. Go to Comment
The Scavengers
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-16 12:39 PM
I had to read this twice as I couldn't really wrap my head around what it was about, even after looking at the classifications. I dunno if those plentiful images did a number on my limited attention span. The later portion made more sense and did a good job of describing a society in decay, but the first portion going into detail describing the vehicles and stuff was a bit heavy-handed I felt. Overall though, well written and suiting for the setting. Go to Comment
Dwarven Calendar
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-06 01:39 PM
Thank you. :) I actually addressed that issue in the Game Mechanics section, I would suggest a transition period for them to adjust to the 24 hour clock, maybe 2-3 (dwarven) days or so, which would be almost a week or so in human days. Or if you feel that would be too long, maybe a wizard (or similar) could help them adjust faster. In fact, if the dwarf has been on the surface for at least a week, consider him/her already adjusted. Go to Comment
Dwarven Calendar
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-09 04:31 AM
Ooooh, die typo, die! There, fixed it for the second time. I must have fixed it in the backup copy but not here, thanks. Hope it didn't affect your score. Go to Comment
Dwarven Calendar
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-09 04:36 AM
Exactly, though knowing dwarves, it isn't as unlikely as one would think really. They would probably keep looking until they found a geyser that erupts once every hour. But whether or not it erupts at the same minute as the mother geyser, is a whole nother story. But like I said, given the hostile and hard traveled terrain of the Underdark, these time zones shouldn't matter much, or be all that noticable for that matter, especially given the lack of sun and the fact that these dwarves work in shifts and keep their underground settlements going around the clock. Go to Comment
Dwarven Calendar
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-06 09:08 AM


Hope there weren't too many foreign words for y'all. It's pretty much as finished as it's going to be, I might add more holidays when I get around to it though. And for those of you that have already read through it, there's quite a bit of new content, so you might want to read it anew.

Go to Comment
Stout Lagerale
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-05 02:33 PM
Well you certainly did a 360. A very traditional dwarf indeed, perhaps even a bit overly so. Could have done with some more depth, though I appreciate the fact that he's an old creation and even a bit of gamer history for you. If I was just starting out, and hadn't seen/read so many similar things, I would have rated it higher, well written though it was. Go to Comment
The Hedge Maze
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Plains)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-06 06:03 AM
Felt somewhat lazy and not original at all. Could do with some surprises. Like maybe the tower is empty and the real structure is inside the maze itself. Go to Comment
Hell Knight: The Tragedy of Celsia Rimeheart.
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-06 05:57 AM
I see you still haven't mastered the art of keeping things short. :P Honestly, I felt this dragged on for longer than needed. Does an Npc really need all this backstory, not like we could read all of this up to our PCs. I dunno, I don't usually make Npcs since I fear I would end up making too short subs, but this went the other way. I suppose parts of her personality and motives could be glimpsed here and there, but a few paragraphs would have worked just as well. And why go through all of these changes, first she turns into some kind of snow fairy, then she becomes possessed and then she becomes a hell-knight. The actual person gets lost in her powers, she might as well have just been a monster rather than a human. I'll give an extra .5 simply because of the work having gone into it though. Go to Comment
Zombie Servants of the Ch'thra
Plots  (Crisis)   (Campaign)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-07 06:27 AM
Reminded me strongly of the Mi-Go, from the Cthulhu mythos. I liked those bug things, but the zombies themselves offered nothing new. Like I've said before, the undead is really hard to do much with.

On the part where the different sub-types are named, I would suggest giving them more distinct names, if the PCs are in a situation where they need to discern between them, those similar names could cause some confusion.

When it comes to those implanted grubs on the spines, I would have totally made that a selectable PC background, where instead of becoming a thrall, they maintain their free will. Y'know, is it human, is it a monster(who cares it's on our side). A bit cliché I know, but meh, it works. They could probably get like psionic powers from the deal as well, and maybe unlock specific bug doors, avoid triggering bug alarms and a whole slew of other things.

Overall, I would say that the language used was very descriptive and fluent. The one thing I missed was something really original to kick it over the edge. So yeah, very nice. I found two typos for you:

Even once they knew what to look for, Earth’s scientists could only scratch their collective heads in frustration

From the joints in their segmented bodies pours a steady stream of thick mucous Go to Comment
What Is A Dwarf
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Non-Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-09 04:46 AM
@ Scras, I actually pondered whether it should be written on paper/papyrus/parchment, but since I wanted it to be an old, culture defining poem, I felt there was no other way than with a good ol rune stone.

@ SE, I usually prefere to make up new characters so I don't have to go back and cross reference stuff, but anything's possible. Yup, I felt that it needed an outside perspective to explain it to the would-be reader.

@ MM. Miners are among the lower castes that is true, but they may or may not be caste-less. As for whether or not they could read/write, that was most likely dependant on their parents' plans for them. But of course this was no ordinary writing either, it takes special knowledge to be a rune carver, while a few(at the time) could read, extremely fewer could carve. So I would say this was a bit of an aberration. And all dwarves are poets. :) Go to Comment
The Needwain
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Local)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-03 01:46 PM
I normally wouldn't vote this high on something so short, but I really liked this, especially the part that even though there may not be an ulterior motive, that in itself could prove an ulterior motive! With the kids turning into hippies. Very well written and original. Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-05 02:16 PM
Certainly original, yet with some oddly phrased passages in some places. For a plane of chaos, it certainly seems very orderly, with all the demons fitting nicely into the lake and all. Since they've got this trade going on, what happens to the demons when they leave Atheus? Do they return to Congeria or do they get another chance at the afterlife, to complete the circle? Go to Comment
OSF-03 - Spinner
Items  (SpaceShips)   (Combat)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-31 08:40 AM
So it just looks like a cough drop? That's a bit uninspired. Lots of fancy words, but they mainly just served to confuse me.

"a roating blister for the pilot upon the dorsal surface, and for the gunner in the ventral system"

??? Go to Comment
The Timeless Pocket Watch
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-31 08:15 AM
Alright, looks better. +.5. Go to Comment
The Timeless Pocket Watch
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-30 09:00 AM
I've often dreamed of having an item like this...Minus the side-effects, of course. Okay, starting with the bad, could do with some more spellchecking, nothing serious though. And it would have been nice with some more parsing to make it an easier read. Like SE said, a predictable power.

The good, spelling and grammatical errors aside, it is well-written, as far as I can see, all possible plot-holes have been pre-emptively fixed, like for instance there's no chance of stopping time forever because of the mechanics involved. And you also covered what would happen if it was destroyed. I also love the idea of the watch being in an Npc's hands, that way the Npc could age a bit every time they meet with the PCs, perfect plot-hook.

How much can one manipulate humans and other living things once time has stopped? You wrote they could be moved, but how much? Would their skin be like rock, could their arms or legs be moved? Could you put them in compromising situations or even kill/harm them directly?

If you answer my questions and clean it up a bit, I'll add another .5. All in all, a great first time submission, hope to see more like it. Go to Comment
Lover's Downfall
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-29 12:22 PM
If it wasn't so short, it would have gotten a higher score. But this was a very interesting and original piece. I especially like that it's cursed. Oh, and it's spelled Banshee. Go to Comment
Oscv 02 Baleful Eye
Items  (SpaceShips)   (Combat)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-31 08:34 AM
The idea of a Sauron's Eye type of thing coming at you in space, is certainly awe-inspiring. Bit on the short side, but that was what made me read it in the first place, seeing as sci-fi isn't really my cup of tea. I believe the quote-boxes should be fixed by now? Go to Comment
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