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Petdex
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-11 05:32 AM
Cubes instead of balls huh, I can see why. :P As a cat owner, I don't buy that pets would be the same even if they are cloned. Souls y'know.

It was allready plenty long, but I would have wanted a bit more meat on the bones, maybe something a bit more unique given that there's aliens and all that.

Other than that, well written, nicely parsed and no spelling or grammatical errors that I could see. Go to Comment
Petdex
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-12 12:00 PM
Plothook: Team Missile, with Jacob, Jane and their pet mascot Woof tries to steal your newly acquired pet. Naturally their spaceship gets blasted off, repeatedly. :P Or to make it more serious, Agents Jacob and Jane from the Black Ops, Pet Decontamination Team insists that your pet is suffering from giant space hamster flu and must be quarantined indefinately. Go to Comment
Petdex
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-12 12:15 PM

3) Qouar'lanthian Flegxmorrin

Physical Description: A multidimensional distortion with a blue hue.

Recommended only for creatures from and above the fourth, or below the third negative dimension. It requires no sustenance other than ultra violet lighting and leaves no droppings. It moves through both time and space, and because of this any normal return warranties are voided at the moment of purchase. While harmless it is recommended that you keep all extremities away from its event horizon, as the distortion(though only a temporary thing) can be frightening to behold in such an up close and personal way.

Go to Comment
Weird Stick
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-09 07:43 AM
While the stick itself is a nice curious object, all of those effects either A) Destroy your Campaign, or B) Turn it into a Monthy Python montage. But hey, if that's what you're after, then this is the stick for you! Go to Comment
Lybrium
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-08 03:57 AM
Have you played Dragon Age? Lybrium is one letter away from Lyrium, something most players will probably pick up on, regardless of the dissimilarities. Just wanted to make you aware of that. Go to Comment
Marilanth Flower
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 02:02 PM
Interesting, I like the part with it blooming at night, though probably not very realistic. I suppose it's a magical creation? However, the effects of the flower seem very severe. This could easily be a game breaker, despite the antidote and the plot hooks of the cult. Imagine a gang of PCs getting their hands on the only known antidote for this poison after presumably slaughtering their way through the cult, all human enemies would be rendered useless(if they rely on a kitchen staff or similar) or extremely paranoid at the very least. It would have to be extremely rare indeed. Go to Comment
Marilanth Flower
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-08 03:37 AM
Well didn't that just make me go deeeeerp. Here I have the internet at my disposal and I didn't bother to look nocturnal flowers up before commenting, oh well, live and learn. Go to Comment
The Wind On The Marilanth Petal
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-08 03:46 AM
At first I was like...cat books? He's not gonna write about turning poor kitties into books is he?! O_O

"Forever more, if that cat is ever petted with a specific pattern of fingers and strokes, the cat goes catatonic, falls limp, and it's spine rolls open to reveal the appropriate spellbook."

You think THAT is on the lighter side??? Euuurgh! >.< Go to Comment
The Wind On The Marilanth Petal
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 01:53 PM
This wasn't my thing at all, so dark and gorey, I felt a bit uncomfortable reading it. I would slap on a big warning at the top to discourage sensitive people from reading it. I think I'll refrain from voting, it was well written, with lots of content, but I don't feel I would be able to give it a fair score. That being said though, I'm firmly against censorship, so I won't tell you to change anything, except add a warning label. Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 02:39 PM
Not all that original, I've seen most of it before, except for the Brotaurs. There's also a few things I found unclear. Can everyone/everything wield magic in this world? If so, that seems highly impractical. You mention these Choca, but don't go into detail on what/who they are.

Other than that, no typos, spelling/grammatical errors that I could see. Though I think I'll hold off a bit on voting, till you got some more content. Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-08 04:52 AM
I must have misread last time, you did indeed go into detail about those Choca. Looks clean and clear, voted. Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-11 05:46 AM
Btw, may I ask how you did those big divided headings? Go to Comment
Kalimon - An Overview
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-11 08:50 AM
D'oh! And here I tried Header 2 and 3. XD Sweet, thanks! Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence And The Killer Of Undertown
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 01:19 PM

Interesting. Here are some typos and grammatical errors;



Kensu became used to feelings of guilt and shame

Kensu's handling of the dowry could not have come as a surprise.


his mind kept up a steady train of conversation


If Jua-awl was going to be so high and mighty about this he shouldn't have accepted the wager. If he cared so much about my fiance's family, why did he collect on the Wager,

what sort of a man, what sort of a bookkeeper takes a wager, collects it and then grows self conscious about how this bet will affect a family, and a wealthy family no less. I bet Jua-awl doesn't contact the brother-in-laws of the white washer men or stone masons he collects from.

row canyon between the two ridges held Undertown

An accomplished patron of vice like Kensu knew the glade

would force an innocence upon his pursuers, and hoped that this would spare his life. .

 

Sorry for taking a few creative liberties, some of it couldn't merely be corrected with a single word.



(Haven't checked the rest).

Go to Comment
The Highway
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 02:13 PM
Hah! I like this highway, sure wouldn't mind driving on it. As a game element though, by its very nature, it is a bit constricted. I don't do Sci-Fi, but I suppose in a game of Shadowrun or something, the highway could work as a mission site though, or at the very least some interesting flavour text. Go to Comment
The Hidden Library Of King Hiram Blackburn
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 01:37 PM
Hahaha, yeah isn't that always the case. =P

This looks really good (well written), and it was an interesting read, even though I hardly got any of it, and the "explanation" on that other page just made me more confused. However, this wasn't your idea, and you can only use it for GURPS, so yeah, there's that to consider. Go to Comment
30 Devils
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-04 11:46 AM

Wow, that Mu'un-Gon-Grel sounds like more trouble than she's worth. =P It would take a very special kind of crazy, to start a fly farm, a spider farm, a rat farm, meticulously watch them all the time from they're hatched/born, kill a cat AND sacrifice more than 2years worth of your life(as well as ruining said life completely), just to kill two people. Isn't the idea of a devil's deal, that you're supposed to want it, but the side-effects come later as a surprise?

 

Also, I'd be careful using the word demon in a submission about devils. They're not the same thing, depending on who you ask anyways.

Go to Comment
30 Devils
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-15 05:45 AM

14) Bagus Bunis


It comes unbidden, this black hare faced nightmare. Crawling up from under your skin, it stares into your soul with its two saucer shaped abysmal hollows leading into madness. It is the eternal tormentor. It whispers in your ears at night and can only be briefly glanced at the edge of vision. It is undying and naught can kill it, naught can stop it. It taunts you, ever beyond reach, gnawing on a human finger-bone. Its fat swollen tongue, like an overfed leech, paints its yellowed chompers with its acrid drool, as its dried up cracked lips parts and you hear its malicious mosquito-like voice saying; "Nyeh. What's up, Dog?"

It travels through extra dimensional holes that can pop up anywhere. It is a master of disguise, yet its face is ever unchanging, but for some reason, you never notice that horrid unblinking face on the body of your neighbour, that special someone you fancy, or the local store clerk, not until it is too late.


It loves to manipulate others into doing its dreadful work, changing a sign here, dropping the right words there. Soon it'll have all the neighbourhood chasing after you for some perceived slight.

It has no reason for its actions, no enmity, no hunger for revenge. Tis just entertainment for it.

It barters no deals. It comes for your sanity, when you least expect it.

Go to Comment
30 Devils
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-15 05:48 AM
Voted. I had a lot of fun writing up mine. =) Go to Comment
30 Devils
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-04 05:25 AM
I was expecting the usual suspects with different names, but this seems very original, so far. I'll hold off on voting till you reach a number closer to 30 though. You can change the title, but you probably want to keep it, so this particular title is reserved by you, provided you feel up to the task of reaching 30.

Here are some typos;

All he asks in return in your first born child.
He is a detached, abstract mind.
Orghaelox is whip of a creature. Go to Comment
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