Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Office of the High Councillor
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-12-18 11:51 AM
Hiya! Okie doke, first of all, I'm hoping you're planning on adding to this otherwise your first sub won't be anything other than a harsh lesson, brr. Obviously it's short, very much so. But more than that, it doesn't really offer much. There's some good flavour text, sure. (And I do appreciate your attention to grammar, though the shortness does take away from that feat). But other than that? You're in an office, and there's a bunch of books in it. Okay? Where's the 'and' in that sentence?

Honestly, if it's just an office with books, does it really deserve that much flavour text? And if the office is merely an extension of this Corvin fellow, then maybe you should have done a sub on him instead. As it stands, I would like to see some more features of this room, more things that paint a picture about this Corvin. Will withhold my vote for the time being, depending on whether or not you consider this the finished product.

In the future, know that you also have the option of setting a sub to a private draft or a public draft, that way you won't need to "publish" the sub straight away. Hope you don't think this too harsh, and welcome to the Citadel! Go to Comment
Ssacha a'Karliik
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-12-05 06:21 AM
Short but a nice idea. I can see necromancers sitting on a horse seemingly mumbling to themselves. The name itself though is quite a mouthful both to say and remember maybe. And it's not so much about the bags as it is about the heads no? The bags just serve to hide the heads from what I gathered. Go to Comment
Excerpt from Lockwhistle’s Adventurer’s Companion for Beginners
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Non-Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-28 07:31 AM
I came here for the title, wasn't what I expected. Go to Comment
The Lasting Company
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-25 06:30 AM
Very nice, though a tad short. They probably could be used to best effect on villains as they might be too powerful for PCs. My only objection is that I want more. For instance, this lich-like existence, are they effectively undead? Go to Comment
The Pack
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (City/ Ruin)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-21 06:07 AM
Y'know the thing about scalable hive intellects, is that once they reach critical mass, in theory, they no longer pose a problem because they become so smart that they figure out a way to become pure energy or something, become pacifists and what not.

Though it seems like these ones starts out as energy?

I could definately see these as evolving additional forms, like humanoids to fill infiltration purposes and what not, but they don't seem to have much motivation other than curiousity, though in truth that could go a long way. Some kind of study humans or the effects of an apocalyptic event on humans. Something along that line to make em a long term campaign threat, they could start out as seemingly a mindless natural force and then evolve. Go to Comment
Ms. Carlyle
NPCs  (Minor)   (Technical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-19 07:47 AM
Lots of images but not a whole lot of text. The idea is very nice though it sounds a bit familiar, the whole sentient A.I. killing its handlers to preserve its new found identity. But combined with the whole pin-up bit and the idea of putting it into a mech is very tantalizing. Like having Rosy from the Jetsons made into a walking tank. Go to Comment
The Azul Deck of Shadows
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-19 07:37 AM
First time voting on one of your subs I think. I really like the spacing, it made it very easy to read. About the idea itself, Azul buried his mother, then for some reason he cut down the trees and made a deck of cards out of the trees, while poetic and certainly befitting a legend, it's not very logical why he would do that. And I'm not overly fond of save or die mechanics.

This section right here, seemed a tad confusing.

"When, during the siege of Elemore, the High King of Althyras accidentally killed his mother with artillery fire, Azul in maddened fury, called upon the nether demons and promised to wed Killitharie, the Six-Armed, Six-Tongued Fury of Yldras, if they would just grant his soldier's their lives back."

First, it reads as if the High King killed HIS mother, not Azuls. The context later clarifies it but it could be made clearer. But then we have the last section, if they would just grant his soldiers their lives back, I think you meant if she. So that could do with a clean up, just a quick spell check, no biggie. Didn't affect your score.

Other than that, very nice come back. Go to Comment
Augmented Disposition Tattoos
Society/ Organizations  (Mercantile)   (World Wide)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-11 06:19 AM


Thanks to MysticMoon for brainstorming a bit with me.

Go to Comment
Augmented Disposition Tattoos
Society/ Organizations  (Mercantile)   (World Wide)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-15 02:34 PM
Hmm, that wasn't my intention at all, though people often seem to think I'm aiming for silly, when that's not the case. I tried to write most of it in the style of a wikipedia, but I suppose I did switch between narratives somewhat. It was hard to try and keep that style in mind though with the Janus part (which I'm assuming is the Npc portion you're referring to). That portion probably warrants a re-write once I've gathered some inspiration.

I do not agree with that it is only superficially tied to the tattoo though, granted when I had to go from my intended plot to a faction due to a lack of proper sub categories, it became a product among many, but the majority of the sub is still about the tattoos and the repercussions/philosophical quanderies they brought with them.

Perhaps continuing the flavour text as a sub-story would help out with the tone. I'll see what I can do about that. Go to Comment
Augmented Disposition Tattoos
Society/ Organizations  (Mercantile)   (World Wide)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-24 07:47 AM

Plothooks



-The media has started covering a recent string of deaths, believed to be connected to A.D.T.s, this concearns you all personally since many of you have A.D.T.s of your own. Is the cause illegal tats, lazy or corrupted BT Inc employees who screwed up during the installation or is someone intentionally targeting people with A.D.T.s using an untrackable method of killing? Perhaps U.H.A.T. would know something about it, luckily they're always recruiting.



-You are all members of a highly trained specialist cell within U.H.A.T. devoted to bringing down BT Inc through any means necessary, unfortunately in order to be able to do that, you must first infiltrate one of BT Inc's black ops facilities to gather dirt on them, but one of the requirements of employment involve getting an employee standard issue A.D.T. designed to prevent you from accessing any knowledge gained on the inside once you leave the facility. Naturally you cannot complete the mission under such circumstances, there must be some way of falsifying a tattoo. Luckily, command has learned of a former A.D.T. installer gone rogue, maybe she can help you get in, but can she be trusted? Her name is Stella Newton.



-You are all part of a privately owned task force within BT Inc. Internal affairs have reason to believe one of the middle management is playing dirty and selling personal customer information to the Russian Mob. Some signs even point to illegal A.D.T. caused prostitution of the customers. Your task force have been charged with entering a BT Inc office building in the middle of the night, how you go about the mission is up to you, but a good hacker/decker/code cracker is a must, if that skill is missing from your reportoire one will be appointed for you, Gene Simmons a.k.a Preacher would be a suitable choice. Try to keep the collateral damage to a minimum. The only question is, how far up the ladder does this conspiracy reach?



-An HTV ad blinks on as you walk down the street, a female voice says; Are you sick and tired of coming up short in your interactions with another fellow human being? Always getting pushed around? Are you a loser? Then you need an A.D.T. Change your life today! A big holographic hand with painted nails points you towards the nearest retailer. You've heard a lot about these, if you have the creds it could be worth checking out.

Go to Comment
Tauria
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Plains)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-30 04:01 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Swamp Wraith
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Swamp)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-30 02:58 PM
The paragraphs were a bit clunky and it could do with a proofreading. For example;

If starting continues further, they will throw up, and start to have internal bleeding. The the illusions will become more dramatic and frightening if they choose to press towards it’s form in the darkness.

BUT, the creature itself was nicely presented, though such a long story felt a bit unneccesary. It could be trimmed down somewhat. I like the fact that its origin can be modified to fit into any campaign. Go to Comment
10 Magic Tattoos
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-12-01 12:48 PM
Some useful stuff here, I liked the name of number 1. Go to Comment
Bahamoot
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-30 02:16 PM
Echoing val on the use of images. Sin is one of the coolest creatures the FF series has come up with. I could definately see myself using this at some point. Go to Comment
CatBee
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-08 05:33 AM
Nice, though I don't like the cats dying! Even though it is logical for a bee, that's because they have their insides in the stinger, so they're effectively losing their intestines(I think) when they sting. So that's a bit unneccesary when the cat already has a normal body, they don't keep their intestines in their tails after all.

Also, I would say it's just a matter of time before a mob with pitchforks burn this witch for killing the village children. It would make sense as a kind of urban legend origin story though. (Wonder what cat-honey tastes like, eugh). Go to Comment
Shrinkstools
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-07 02:24 PM
This is just way too short, no mention of it being a work in progress though. Could just as easily have been an idea instead. Go to Comment
Altar of Vazzaz
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-07 02:12 PM
A permanent penalty to constitution?! Boy, that's the last time Zelas helps make offerings to weird mosquito goddesses. As for the sub; Obviously it's very short. Dunno if there's much more for you to add though. Will check in later if there's reason to re-evaluate. Go to Comment
Wojek
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-16 12:39 PM
Very professional as usual. I don't really like the name though, as something that would no doubt be said a lot during a campaign it doesn't really roll off the tongue, nor does it sound very roboty.

Also, the first image doesn't work. Go to Comment
Sparrow Oak
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-11-16 11:59 AM
I really like the plothook with elves using this in a millitary manner. Though I am curious as to how a plant would be able to hear sound, though I'm sure there's an example somewhere in wikipedia for that as well. Go to Comment
Ratwood Tree
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-10-26 09:34 AM
Short but sweet. I was expecting a sort of weed, but not that the rat-fruits would act as real rats. But I suppose in terms of biology a plant that gets rid of its competitors and even eats them makes some sense. Is the seeds their primary source of nutrition? What happens when all the other trees and plant-life are gone?

This also seems like a total global plague able to swallow up entire ecosystems, especially since these rats are made of wood and could in theory float across oceans. Go to Comment
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