Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Raveten
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-04-20 02:26 PM
I thought you were going for strange and terrifying...kinda hard to do that if you want it to look like just another raven. Go to Comment
Lich Scroll
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Villanous)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-23 08:01 AM
Might want to add a warning label at the top, pretty dark stuff.

The thing I don't like about it, is that everyone in it, seems so callous and inhuman. Every character was like a hollow shadow. People don't generally go around cutting up their own stomachs unless they're afflicted by something, and even then, I would have expected some emotion from one or two at least.

Go to Comment
The Kingmakers: The Locust
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Political)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-04-24 02:40 PM
I really like the idea of a kingdom linked to its king, and that a bad king would leave some kind of taint. But I don't get why Devil's Spit turns into iron when he absorbs its powers. Was it iron to begin with then, they say that in alchemy, stuff always return to their original form and what not, so is that it?

Anyways, a well written sub. Go to Comment
The Leonamuth
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-03 12:08 PM
I suppose if you don't like the idea of a Manticore, this could be a nice middle ground. Though it feels like it's missing a gimmick of some sort. Go to Comment
Hesayan Victory Mounds
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-13 10:52 AM
A bit short. Why do the pilgrims yell about Lasu, and who is that?

Typo:

For those who life west of the Elterspine mountains Go to Comment
Skezemos Library
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-13 06:07 AM
Skezemo sounds a bit too jazzy for a wizard's name, but at least it's memorable.
All in all, a good sub. Go to Comment
Cats And Rats
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-13 07:07 AM

(Killed and eaten cats, argh, I knew it!) This has been one of those rare occasions when I've read through a massive sub, so consider yourself special. This was a really good read though, shockful of interesting stuff, and while I was a bit tempted to deduct 0.5 for all the cat murders, I can't rightly do so, it deserves nothing less than a 5.



And since I am who I am, I also proofread it as I went along;

-

the wizard will be an unhelpful and insulting throughout this adventure

The cats occupy certain streets, but favor the rooftops. The rats occupy some streets, but favor the rooftops. (Shouldn't it be the sewers for the latter?)

by the Longtails stationed outside the church. If the party is sleeps here for the night,


They are extremely stealthy, can run on walls, and can tear a man's throat out faster than he an blink.


and drag the surprised Norvegicus to his death. He didn't know where catacombs down there.

Norvegicus is a wizard with some necromantic talent, and so he has brought has a skeletal guardian. If *he has not been alerted by the noise upstairs


their rat bites will always seem to get infected, and cat monsters will always try a little bit harder to kill him. Additionally, no cat will ever willingly let the PC*s pet them ever again. Such is the fury of a demigod scorned.


Assuming the Norvegicus is dead and no one is a rat,

It's not so bad being a rat. For starters, your mind in unaltered

However, there are about a dozen cats that have no where(*nowhere) to go

He'll also offers his boon--the only boon he ever offers

the Fimbrian's corpse rose from his coffin to defend Pargaul.

Go to Comment
Trianarianism
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-09 06:03 AM
A few very practical viewpoints very unlike any existing standard religion. You might want to proofread it though, for instance this part;

(efficiency in succeeding in the reason you got in is not penalized) then there would be complete world peace. Go to Comment
Trianarianism
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-07-01 06:31 AM
Read through it, and it did warrant a higher score, good to see that the cataclysm wasn't all bad. Go to Comment
A Spell Called Catherine
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-07 08:38 AM
Executed really well. I like how you went in depth, thinking about what sort of ramifications such a spell would cause.

Typo:

Once she even came came home to find the corpse of a "spell Catherine" Go to Comment
An Ode To The Colour Red
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-07 05:08 AM
Wow, thank you! I think this is my first 5 ever...It's not likely to last, but thank you all the same! =D Go to Comment
An Ode To The Colour Red
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-08 06:13 AM
Well, you got alchemy. So wouldn't be that farfetched the way I see it. Go to Comment
Lazarus Lightward
NPCs  (Major)   (Religious)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-06 11:35 AM
Phew, I usually don't read through such long subs. But this was nice, I like the added intrigue and the fact that you seamlessly connected this sub with the deadleech sub.

Typos:

I had no idea the burden of my charge back then - so young and niave

At first it was only inintelligable whispers within his mind, but they quickly grew

demon language necessary to bind his form to the priests body and soul. Go to Comment
The Stitchers Amulet
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-06 05:38 AM
A bit short, but useful. Go to Comment
The Worm's Nurse - Part 1
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-06 05:33 AM
At least it didn't contain any amputeed prostitutes... But I half expected it to turn into some kind of weird woman on worm rape story... O.o But at least it wasn't boring. As it stands right now, I'd give em both a 4. Go to Comment
The Worm's Nurse - Part 1
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-07 05:14 AM
Oh wow, stories and Npcs are two things I find really hard to suggest something to. Maybe throw in a cliff-hanger at the end of each section. Other than that I dunno. Go to Comment
Gardener Pfloem Dark Naturalist
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-05 09:03 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Oscv-02 Baleful Eye
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-04 05:13 AM


Edit: I feel it was a bit short. Other than that, okay.

 

Typo:

hang in the space lanes near the of the Oraki,

Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-03 09:07 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Sigh Inc
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-02 09:15 AM
Maybe toss in a few Npcs related to Sigh Inc as well as their goals. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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