Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2015-04-13 06:32 AM

This is very good, you should be getting paid for this. I love the teaser text, drew me right in. A few things though;

1) Spell Check etc

"more fluff here" (remnant or reminder?)

"experience life through observation. It was initially thought that the machine mines would use the electronic systems of the structures"

"The machine has decided to make them it's next target, but rather than showing itself, it sends more proxies against them"


"At first everyone was pleased, the autistic and the non-functional members of society were able to become healthy and useful members again."

If this was written from a machine's point of view, then alright I guess. But it does come across as quite offensive and cynical.


The 3 Laws of Robotics were pretty much made obsolete not long after they were created, by Asimov himself. As he explored the philosophical quanderies in his books and came to the conclusion that the 3 laws had loopholes and just didn't cut it. While most people still believe in them, people involved with robotics or robots themselves should be aware of this, so to even implement them in the first place would be like building a boat with a hole in the bottom and hoping it won't sink. Maybe just add the word revised to it, keeping it vague.

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Dwarfs of Damor
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Mountains)
Gossamer's comment on 2015-02-12 08:53 AM
If you don't have females then you don't have males either, or do your dwarfs have penises and testicles? If so, why? Not much incentive to have something that no longer have any practical use and only serve as a physical weak spot.

So you either have a race of ken-doll golems, or a bunch of dudes who at some point for whatever reason decided to do away with women and keep cloning themselves.
Basicly, were they ever flesh or did someone invent this method, can't likely have been themselves unless the method has changed.

I think the Warcraft Lore also has the dwarfs were once made of stone thing, but as an idea, there's a lot of logical leaps. Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Plains)
Gossamer's comment on 2015-02-13 07:33 AM
I like the imagery and the fable-like qualities. The idea of the dragon in the wheat field has a lot of levels to it. On the one hand, you can still sneak up to him if you crawl, but on the other why would a dragon, a creature that's normally known for seaking out warmth, go and live in the middle of a windy field, where icy rains are common? One reason I suppose could be paranoia, in that this way, he can see approaching enemies within a reasonable time, or at least he would have, had that fast travel system not been in place. But at least he's got a panoramic view and could easily take flight when cornered. When fighting him, he can set fire to big swathes all at once, which will continue burning for a reasonable time, so that's also to his advantage. What does he eat though, aside from the occasional adventurer, if there's nothing but wheatfields? Does he make excursions into the city? Do they give him offerings? I guess if he's some kind of demon he could get a pass on that though.

I noticed you hadn't filled in the pilgrim caravan. Don't know if you overlooked it or that's one of the things you need ideas with? It's always hard to butt in on someone else's creation. If it had any weak spots, I'd say the temples and the guilds didn't sound very interesting to me, so maybe give those some polish. This is getting kinda long, think I'll write any further thoughts in your thread. Go to Comment
Darkness and Shadows, Part 1 of 126
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-10-23 10:08 AM
I didn't even know we had a fiction sub type. While this was darker than what I usually prefer, it was really gripping and sucked me in, even though it was in a bad way. =P So yeah, a 5 from me too. Go to Comment
7 More Reasons Why Not Everyone is a Magic User
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-12-01 06:23 AM
Because if movies are to be believed, people are stupid boring and only complains about wanting to be normal when given awesome powers.

Magic drains away your soul.

Magic eats away your body.

Magic prevents you from wearing armor, wielding weapons or using any iron utensils, maybe even going so far as riding a shod horse.

Magic makes you go mad.

Magic is only inherent in a certain species/race.

Magic requires someone to die.

Magic can only be used in certain places with inherent laylines.

In order to use it, you can't have ANY other talents.

There is only so much magic to go around.

Magic turns you into a horrendous monster.

Magic is evil and only evil people can use it.

Magic is a disease and most people are immune.
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The Vile Vial
Items  (Potion)   (Villanous)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 03:05 PM
....Is this a work in progress or what? Go to Comment
The Vile Vial
Items  (Potion)   (Villanous)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-07 03:14 PM
Ah, I see I missed that fine print at the top there. Go to Comment
Gravediggers' Legacy
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Combat)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-03-09 08:14 AM
So this was why you asked for names of gravediggers. :)

First, I had to double check what trowels were. I was right, but there remains some uncertainty. Why does a grave digger need a trowel? To flatten the earth? To lay the brickwork in a mausoleum? That could be kinda fun, getting trapped in a mausoleum by terms of knocked unconscious and walled in. It just seems like they're going against their nature by just turning into stabby things. Go to Comment
7 Special Prisons
Dungeons  (Any)   (Traps)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-03-09 08:24 AM
These were really interesting! The statues seemed like a bit much for ordinary criminals, I suppose the king is a real overzealous type.

The model fort thing, I'm sure there was another sub that did that. Someone should link to that.

Other than that though, great. A full score from me. Go to Comment
A Dozen Unusual Flowers
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-03-09 07:59 AM
Very evocative and useful far beyond that of flavour, as the lore found in this book could be used as clues for a whole number of things. Like the ten-step pansy (Why are there always trolls on this meadow??), hunting for a specific undead? Just look for the pink flowers!

And the flying rose and the nan's teat could spark some very interesting encounters. :)
Full score from me as well, great to see you back at writing, Muro! Go to Comment
30 Mecha Design Flaws
Systems  (Combat/ Warfare)   (General)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-02-21 08:52 AM
Very nice, got me in the mood of a mecha pbp. Go to Comment
Felicia 'Fever' Cortez
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-02-14 12:58 PM
Okay, it's very interesting to see what you made out of that random roll. But, I feel it came across as a little messy, the story jumps from here to there, I'm not sure if that's because you had too many contacts and tried to incorporate them all or?
A clearer gap between the funeral and the cut-back to combat would have been nice.

Her brother, Criminal friendly with Family Member
Her Captain, Former lover
And as an afterthought you squeezed in the mercenary rival
Couldn't find the last one, nor did I find anything about how she acquired her new wealth. She just became strong because of a malfunctioning chip in her brain?

But another thing, I don't really see much of those rolls here either, for one thing, your roll said Dense, yet I couldn't find anything about low intelligence in here, if anything she came off as a little Mary-Sueish. A butt-kicker out of an action movie.

As a stand-alone character, great. As for going with the challenge, I dunno. Maybe you can clarify it a bit for me. Go to Comment
Strolens Generator Quickstart
Articles  (Other Gaming)   (Citadel Help)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-02-21 08:31 AM
Thanks val, very helpful. Go to Comment
Alexandra Stacja
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-25 08:45 AM
Nice one. What is Alexandra and her brothers doing when they're not stealing and singing? Are they always travelling? What are their goals? Also, I would like to point to this section here:

"Alexandra's gang and their rival fought." I would suggest you put in some foreshadowing. Maybe mention the rival gang before the fight. As it stands, it came off a bit abrupt. And/Or maybe name the gangs, that would make for a nice plot hook.

Here are some spelling/grammatical mistakes:

wife and commit suicide himself.

because Alexandra's beauty was all ready appearing.

the bowl with stingy passerby's money.
(Passerby is singular, passersby is plural. I would rewrite the sentence though, as it is a tricky one). "the bowl with money from stingy passersby", perhaps.
And the link for Wlastem Njar was eaten by a Grue. Go to Comment
Standard Issue Escape Goat, EXTREME
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-01-17 03:57 PM
Lots of typos, nothing really useful or different, it's just a summoned monster by now. Though I suppose it was made because of popular demand, so there's that. Go to Comment
Standard Issue Escape Goat, EXTREME
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-01-18 07:38 AM
Weren't you the one who said you wanted harsh criticism? Or am I mistaken? There's always differing opinions on typos, some simply don't want them pointed out, frankly I feel like I shouldn't have to PM you for something that ought to have been fixed before you submitted. Having said that, typos rarely affect my score, unless of course the brevity of the submission leaves you without an excuse.

Let me know if you want typos pointed out to you in the future or not, but PMing you isn't on the table unless it's a really long sub with lots of typos and if I know you would appreciate it. Go to Comment
Standard Issue Escape Goat
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-01-16 09:21 AM
Ok, like I said in cbox, short. Very short. You could probably have passed it as an idea. But that being said, it is a simple but nice idea, though a bit on the cruel side maybe. Poor goats.

You seem to be targetting fantasy, yet it reads like a modern day Commercial. I get that it's supposed to be Gnomish, but it's hardly an invention after all, it's just a goat? Unless it's some kind of summon fake goat spell or an inflatable goat or something. More details!

I dunno if you have unlocked freetext yet, but you should probably slap on a 'Silly' freetext on this when you can.

I'll give you an extra .5 just for the idea alone and because you caught me on a good day, but it is on the short side. Go to Comment
River Horses
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Water)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-01-18 07:51 AM
Beautiful imagery, though definately high fantasy. That ever river is tied to these watery horses running by would give the world a sort of surreal feel to it, I think.

One sentence left me wondering;

"Look under the water! They're fish! " Do the horses have fishtails or? Go to Comment
Moon Beard
NPCs  (Major)   (Artistic/Performance)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-01-18 08:12 AM
I really like the imagery of this one, a kind of mad rockstar. Percussion mage sounds interesting, though one immidiately thinks bard, the effects described probably goes beyond what a normal bard could accomplish, not to mention he doesn't seem as focused on support(not at all really). I can definately see myself using this one in the future, great job! In fact I'll give it a full score, definately a fun character. Go to Comment
Robber Squirrels
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Gossamer's comment on 2014-01-07 09:09 AM
A nice idea, could have been a bit more elaborate though. Go to Comment
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