Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Transcend
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-30 10:55 PM
Some grammar and spelling issues, but it's not a bad idea. In a religion that allows for deathbed conversions, why not provoke them, instead of waiting for them to happen? Go to Comment
The Truth about Dragons
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-30 11:17 PM
Associating dragons with the Easter Bunny does feel a little silly. IMHO, your writing is solid, but you talk in generalizations. I like hearing names, and specific events. If you personalized the dragons or the speaker a little more, I think the story would have a better place to stand. If the story begins with a homeless man covered in holiday symbols throwing money back at the listener and saying, "I don't want your money! I just want you to listen!" then I have something to visualize when I'm reading the rest. I'm not a fan of your conjoined paragraphs, either. Enough criticism. Dionysus, you have some really great ideas in here.

What if magic depended on ignorance of physical laws to make it work? As soon as a wizard learns about combustion and convection, he can't cast fireballs anymore. A physics class would stunt him, magically. There was a time when we had no idea what caused thunderstorms, and I'm sure there are people that will proclaim that ignorance is power. Some backwards-minded religious folks still say that to this day.

It kind of reminds me of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, in a way.

Why doesn't it work backwards? There are some parts of the world that are full of people who see spirits in stones and ghosts in the moon. Do their dragons disappear as soon as the scientists come?

There's another idea here: that physical laws can be democratic instead of absolute. Like 40K orks. But now I'm rambling. Keep posting!

4/5 Go to Comment
"Kittens, Sir?"
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-30 10:59 PM
Reminds me of "They're Made Out of Meat" by Terry Bisson. Cute little story, you got there, Dionysus. Much like a kitten. Speaking of which, the aliens really should have brought more kittens. The best line:

Nothing in the universe is cuter than baby Xibillin. Go to Comment
"Kittens, Sir?"
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-30 10:59 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Death of a King
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-30 11:03 PM
The 'thou's bug me, too, but it's an interesting idea. Aside from the novel history, the elves are pretty much standard elves. +0.5 for telling a history story through elf tears, though. Go to Comment
Balthazar Langdon
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Forganthus's comment on 2013-05-08 11:41 AM
What is the little bit of flavor text at the beginning?

I say give him a gun and a list of names. Or Love in the Time of PTSD. Give him absolutely horrific traffic accident. Take away an arm. Give him a mortgage and a house full of garbage.

Or.

Give him redemption in a sundress and a bonnet. Give him a peace on a long, solo fishing trip where he camps on a island and something unbelievable happens. Let him stop a crime in progress, to win back his honor. Let a child teach him something. Go to Comment
Balthazar Langdon
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Forganthus's comment on 2013-05-08 11:44 AM
Second reading: Captured, interrogated, eventually gave up information after beatings? Expectation of hair pulling = distrust of people, warzone morals? Go to Comment
Nastro
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-25 03:35 PM
All good points, Omega. Thank you.

The sub has been edited, and I've tried to respond to your questions in the 2nd paragraph, and in the last. Go to Comment
Nastro
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-06-05 02:55 AM
What if they could fuse together? No, that's even more super-lame.

What about instead of "twins with guardian monsters", it's "quadruplets embodying different values" on the bestial/civilized and pleasure-loving/pain-loving axes?

What if they were all part of the same super-consciousness?

What if the twins/quadruplets were born disembodied, and needed to find host bodies to fulfill their goals?

What if we abandon the whole good/evil thing and just make it a linked, quadripartite organism composed of identical quadruplets? (eh, seen it before).

what if the twins are opposite genders, share a body, and switch from one to the other every full moon? The Nastrobeast is something more sinister--it's the dominant one in the relationship, and it drives the Nastro to his/her extremes?

Are any of these good ideas?

Should I just scrap the whole thing? Don't be shy about calling rubbish rubbish.

Go to Comment
Red Sun
Society/ Organizations  (Mercantile)   (World Wide)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-25 12:46 AM
The megacorp is well written and thought out, but I feel like all megacorps are pretty similar, since they all have the goal ($) and convergent evolution. What's really excellent about this sub is the skillful weaving of the Red Sun's history in a complex sociopolitical climate. The flavor at the beginning is 100% quality detail, too.

Isn't the CEO responsible to the Board of Directors? CEOS change all the time. Directors last a lot longer. I'm really curious about how Theodore became CEO, too. A technician doesn't sound like someone who has a lot of connections. Eighth son of someone important, maybe? Famous war-hero? Go to Comment
Unummodo
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-22 07:49 PM
This sub starts out average but it really jumps into awesome territory really quickly. The beetles are a beautiful twist. And the fact that the beetles are really the victims and the old man the bad guy is a second, even more awesome twist. But maybe I like anything where the bad guys is just a spry, old man.

Do they have to be a hive mind? You could have young adults wear the skins (and have names like Amy), while the tiny, mindless cling to out with their mother. A city of skin-wearing beetles would be great to be friends with (I know I'd want to come back again).

I'd add a bit of misdirection at the beginning. Maybe some blather about drinking to local brew or the badger ghost will get you. But no, this is great. Clever, self-contained, no plot holes. You should do a lifeform sub for these guys (just a short one).

Go to Comment
Unummodo
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-25 12:52 AM
Whoohoo! One last question: are the beetles shy about getting out of their skins or is that like asking a person to get naked? Go to Comment
Surgeon Birds
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-23 04:27 AM
Put it on a little leash. Scare it when it is bad. Give it some blood when it is good. Avoid training more than a couple at a time, unless you have some step-children somewhere. Go to Comment
Surgeon Birds
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-23 04:28 AM
Yeah, I can imagine them being kinda cute, when it's all snuggly in its little cage, and not. . . drinking me. Go to Comment
Surgeon Birds
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-23 04:30 AM
If you use it in a space-faring game be sure to give it little deely-bobber antenna. Go to Comment
Surgeon Birds
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-23 04:34 AM
Terrifying, right? Hummingbirds move like bees or something.

In response to your question I would try stuff tree branches in my clothes while running through the woods and shrieking like a cheerleader. Go to Comment
Dendrognaths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-24 01:06 AM
You make a very good point: this sub raises too many questions. So, I just posted an entry on the Deathwalkers. The stuff in the Dembraava Wilds is pretty integrated, and I'll see if I can't get my files cleaned up and fed to the intertubes.

The tree is just a tree. The head is cursed. This is really more of a trap that the Deathwalkers set up than it is an animal or plant.

So, I probably should move this to Traps instead of Fauna. Forests need more traps anyway. Aaaannd maybe rewrite this one a bit.
Go to Comment
Dendrognaths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-24 01:06 AM
You make a very good point: this sub raises too many questions. So, I just posted an entry on the Deathwalkers. The stuff in the Dembraava Wilds is pretty integrated, and I'll see if I can't get my files cleaned up and fed to the intertubes.

The tree is just a tree. The head is cursed. This is really more of a trap that the Deathwalkers set up than it is an animal or plant.

So, I probably should move this to Traps instead of Fauna. Forests need more traps anyway. Aaaannd maybe rewrite this one a bit.
Go to Comment
Dendrognaths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-24 01:43 AM
Update: Edits done. I'm going to bed. Go to Comment
Dendrognaths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Forganthus's comment on 2012-05-25 01:04 AM
The Wilds (or something in the Wilds) has decided that humans will be killed as when they enter. They are not allowed in the forest. No exceptions. But, the largest trade route in the East runs through it, so the rangers of Braava are tasked with keeping the road open. They are opposed in this task by the Deathwalkers, who serve the forest. The Dendrognaths attack once because they aren't alive or undead--they're just a gruesome magical trap.

The Deathwalkers *do* seed them randomly through the forest, but they concentrate them at vital locations: at safehouses, the protective totems (which keep the forest from spreading), or fresh water access (streams change paths yearly).

I didn't want to write too much about the Dembraava Wilds, because this sub is just about the trap, no the forest, but I'll add a few details up there to clarify. I'm sorry, I'm just a little new to this. This is why peer review is good. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
321

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2