Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Red Armor Mk. VII
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-27 04:19 PM


A solid, useful design. Logical, much-welcome by police SWAT teams, excellent in areas with armed criminal gangs. I can imagine even important civilians (a judge ruling over a mob case...) wearing these in danger.


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Elematrix
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-13 05:50 AM


A good item, especially considering the expansion potential. Personally, I'd add very a intricate steampunky control panel to the back of the amulet; it's an experimental item, and thus requires lots of professional input - perhaps for activating anything besides the basic four forms?


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30 Vigilantes
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Criminal/Espionage)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-14 09:17 AM


Having had the honor of reading numerous of Cheka's 30s, I think there is also another kind of duplication - you repeat themes common in many of your previous submission.



I echo Dragonlordmax - some of these are really nifty, but some are redundant, and many quite mundane - to the point where they hide the good ones scattered amongst them. Really, it does not require inspiration from a Strolen's post to think of a female vigilante taking down sex offenders.



Go, and put a twist on them, I say. Make them special. Make the feminist an ex-guy, an avatar made of aggregated female essence, a shapeshifter who is learning what it's like to be female, a reformed demon or whatevs.



Also, the racist guy. You have a stereotyped evil evil racist in so many posts, it's quite boring.



Anyways. Give them one or two sentences of explanation. Give them spice. Kick out the bouncer and other filler characters.



Thumbs up for the Thinner, the Mage and Billy, though :) Also, I'd say something good about the servant of Mathom, but I'm too lazy.



 


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Talari Eggs
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-23 08:04 AM


I have to echo the notion that stuff laying eggs into living people is nothing new.



Alas, what is new is the parasite eggs being used as a) torture b) delicacy c) both.



(If you added a little oomph! it would be very good, so it's okay.)



 


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10/30 Treefolk
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-21 01:37 PM


Link my treemen here, too!


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10/30 Treefolk
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-22 01:54 AM
Don't be a grumpy old treeman :) Go to Comment
30 Armored Vehicles
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-23 08:09 AM
Casey Scott Rogers
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Natural)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-19 07:25 AM


I love the concept of a fractured North America as the playground for empires; do you have miore about that setting?



Also, what axlerowes said - what drives this man beside a Rincewind-esque survival instinct? (now that I think of it, they do have a fair share of common traits)

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Corpse Buds
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-16 03:50 AM
Well, because he already edited out the section about dead people bumping uglies with other dead people (at the time of your comment it was already gone). Go to Comment
Corpse Buds
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-13 02:13 AM


Okay, do I understand this correctly? The corpse bud animates dead people and makes them... hump other dead people?



If it's so, it's too much for me, and you should put up a warning in the post header. This thing is on the front page, and Strolen's is not marked as 'mature'.


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Corpse Buds
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-13 10:25 AM


Well, you don't need to censor it, just warn people. It's not like no one here wrote anything NSFW.

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30 Talking Magical Weapons
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-04 02:34 AM


Ok, most of them are annoying as hell, but would be excellent for a silly campaign :)



I like the Conservationist most: "You want me to strike a Half-Fiend Feral Elder Manticore? Do you have any idea how rare they are? Let's study it instead! Hey, Manticore, can we study your mating habits?"



The Racist and the Sexist could use an edit, though.



Namely, imagine, even non-white people can be racist (a novel thought!) - so its ideology should be based on the creator's. Also the whole "white people are racist" issue is so overdone to the point where one has to triple check what he's saying just to avoid being politically incorrect, to the point where almost anything can be turned into a race argument. Hence, this needs a little more thought.



Also, a sexist is not necessarily violent against women, so it rather should try to humiliate, disarm and spank female opponents rather than actually hurting them. Of course, lewd comments on female party members and derisive on any females outside a female role should be very frequent. For a spin: it may even be exceedingly gallant, courteous and proper around females who accept the traditional female role.


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30 Talking Magical Weapons
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-04 12:01 PM
Well, Nr2 could sound exactly like Lilarcor from Baldur's Gate 2. "Hands up, kiddies, who wants to die?" Go to Comment
Dame Michell Indira Blake
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Mystical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-09 05:46 AM


You know, what we have little of are PC-material character submissions (many of those submitted in days past were Mary Sues, hence frowned upon). Thus, added value right there. A solid write-up, ready to use.



(Player Chracter submissions should have their own tag, imho)


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The Physician Weldon
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-09 05:43 AM


The writing is superb. Delectable and scrumptious.



My sole objection: stealing others' youth to prolong your own is not necessarily new.



Anyways, a very useful piece, and a worthy addition Scras :)


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Prince Aloysius Ulman
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-09-28 06:34 AM


You know what? Have a five. Because this is a splendid portayal of paranoia - firmly rooted in reality, yet grown so far out there.


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The Unhinged Prince
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Political)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-09-26 09:08 AM


This is a very cinematic version of schizophrenia, and far more coherent and... constructive... than the usual thing. Also, more benevolent by a large margin.



Thus, you might consider avoid calling it such.



Alas, the writing is rather charming, and the character very useable in a game.



My thoughts? Call it simply madness, not by a diagnosis which it does not fit.


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The Unhinged Prince
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Political)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-09-26 09:34 AM
Schizophrenia does present with audiovisual hallucinations and a disconnection from reality, coupled with seeing patterns, messages and causality where there is none and inappropriate emotional response (these are the so-called plus-symptoms; the minus-symptoms are emotional shallowness, coma, reduced drive, etc.)

The "benevolence" comment was in connection with the clinical presentation of his ailment, not his benevolence.

Perchance, very much like real patients, his visions may become much more frequent and severe under duress - at peace, he is quite sane, but stressed, he's way 'out there.' Go to Comment
Sylvan Incubus Tree
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-09-22 02:00 AM


Roll Will save or die :)



I find the symbiosis aspect neat; the "uprooting and sitting on the victim" darkly comical. Which is a good thing.



You really could add a paragraph about nefarious uses of the fruit - perhaps people without a sense of smell are recruited to collect the fungus?



Finally, a question: why this name? I get the "sylvan" part...



(a solid 4, btw)


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Rubikon RT-4 Modular Tank
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-09-21 10:20 AM
It sure would explain the building speed of tanks in real-time strategy games... Go to Comment
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