Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Of Summons
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-08 05:28 AM
Of Summons
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-08 05:29 AM
Of Summons
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-08 05:30 AM
Le vote. Go to Comment
Wrathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Campaign Defining)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-10 02:20 AM


It's the classic berserking sword; a thumbs up for the back-story.



But really, the idea of a sword fuelling your wrath is so old. If it offered you the choice, again and again, and by making the wrong choice so many times, you'd succumb to wrath... that would be cool.


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Chirotar
NPCs  (Major)   (Travelers)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-10 02:30 AM


Two thumbs up! As DD and D said - I have but a vote to add. Coupled with DD's input: very solid!


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Just Jane
NPCs  (Minor)   (Artistic/Performance)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-05 02:32 PM


A welcome refreshment in a genre ripe with emo highschoolers and mopey goth poets.



Write up is good and to the point, my sole objection is that it's more of a template than a full writeup. I'd welcome giving more character to the once characterless Jane.


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The Crown of Seven Swords
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-12-01 10:24 AM


Sadly, the maddest and most self-assured of egomaniacal villains are exceedingly difficult to judge by this artifact. But then, perhaps nothing else can stop a certain nefarious antagonist except the black sword of the crown?



I can think of something to add - a note of how the willpower "test" is affected by circumstances: so may the life-giving judgment be more difficult as time passes from the death of the one to be restored. The more powerful the life-force of a target, the more difficult it is to snuff out with the black flame. Etc.


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30 Gods of Tirexia
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-29 04:17 PM


Less enthusiastic than Cheka, I must criticize - there are several gods that are just... templates. The Crafter, the Wren musician, barbarian river and storm god. What's new in those? What about the goddess that's simply a non-descript mother to other gods? Does she deserve her own 30-entry?



Also, consider always when making a pantheon: will it cover all the divine roles said culture needs to fill? If not, something's missing.



On the bright side, some like the Unnamed God who fights himself and all others too is brilliant. Caylin the Moon is also a beautiful idea. Make more on the level of those!


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30 Gods of Tirexia
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-30 04:47 PM
Well, they should be usable right out of the box.
So, if the Echo needs a god for a campaign and is not especially picky, he should be able to go to a 30 Gods post and steal, I mean get inspired.

As for To-Kah, that she had not real description in the Sumerian legends is one thing, adding your own touch and making her special another. Like, saying her belly is actually a huge rosebud that opens whenever a new godling is born. Or giving her a penchant for making mortals drunk with her milk, which angers another god to no end. A plant may be sacred to her, and that plant actually produces a powerful drug called ToKah's Milk.

A 2 minute effort (gosh, I should be less lazy and invest 2 minutes more often >.<).

So, my hint would be: pick out the more interesting gods to post first! Go to Comment
Red Armor Mk. VII
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-27 04:19 PM


A solid, useful design. Logical, much-welcome by police SWAT teams, excellent in areas with armed criminal gangs. I can imagine even important civilians (a judge ruling over a mob case...) wearing these in danger.


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Elematrix
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-13 05:50 AM


A good item, especially considering the expansion potential. Personally, I'd add very a intricate steampunky control panel to the back of the amulet; it's an experimental item, and thus requires lots of professional input - perhaps for activating anything besides the basic four forms?


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30 Vigilantes
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Criminal/Espionage)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-11-14 09:17 AM


Having had the honor of reading numerous of Cheka's 30s, I think there is also another kind of duplication - you repeat themes common in many of your previous submission.



I echo Dragonlordmax - some of these are really nifty, but some are redundant, and many quite mundane - to the point where they hide the good ones scattered amongst them. Really, it does not require inspiration from a Strolen's post to think of a female vigilante taking down sex offenders.



Go, and put a twist on them, I say. Make them special. Make the feminist an ex-guy, an avatar made of aggregated female essence, a shapeshifter who is learning what it's like to be female, a reformed demon or whatevs.



Also, the racist guy. You have a stereotyped evil evil racist in so many posts, it's quite boring.



Anyways. Give them one or two sentences of explanation. Give them spice. Kick out the bouncer and other filler characters.



Thumbs up for the Thinner, the Mage and Billy, though :) Also, I'd say something good about the servant of Mathom, but I'm too lazy.



 


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Talari Eggs
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-23 08:04 AM


I have to echo the notion that stuff laying eggs into living people is nothing new.



Alas, what is new is the parasite eggs being used as a) torture b) delicacy c) both.



(If you added a little oomph! it would be very good, so it's okay.)



 


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10/30 Treefolk
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-21 01:37 PM


Link my treemen here, too!


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10/30 Treefolk
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-22 01:54 AM
Don't be a grumpy old treeman :) Go to Comment
30 Armored Vehicles
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-23 08:09 AM
Casey Scott Rogers
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Natural)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-19 07:25 AM


I love the concept of a fractured North America as the playground for empires; do you have miore about that setting?



Also, what axlerowes said - what drives this man beside a Rincewind-esque survival instinct? (now that I think of it, they do have a fair share of common traits)

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Corpse Buds
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-13 02:13 AM


Okay, do I understand this correctly? The corpse bud animates dead people and makes them... hump other dead people?



If it's so, it's too much for me, and you should put up a warning in the post header. This thing is on the front page, and Strolen's is not marked as 'mature'.


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Corpse Buds
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-13 10:25 AM


Well, you don't need to censor it, just warn people. It's not like no one here wrote anything NSFW.

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Corpse Buds
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-10-16 03:50 AM
Well, because he already edited out the section about dead people bumping uglies with other dead people (at the time of your comment it was already gone). Go to Comment
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