Strolen\s Citadel content. 
30 Items From Fallen Empires
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-01 07:59 AM


Stalinians... reaaaaally? Any less obvious allusions?



And Owlongwilyouphuck is plain vulgar.



The Luggage is copied - your version is less aggressive etc., but still.



A layer of chainmail will not make a breastplate.



 



You seem to have re-used items from previous submissions.



There's some grammar issues as well.



 



All in all: do not hurry the 30s. Give it more thought.


Go to Comment
A Cupid for Cornelius
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-27 03:44 AM


Could be a nice change of pace.



As it is written, a sensible party will have little difficulty achieving their goal; the challenge depends mainly upon the ease with which they can discover each dragon's fancy.



Suggestions:



Tjamaladara might detest falsehood, being straightforward; she could test the PCs' mettle as well, deciding upon their performance whether they're worth wasting time at all.



Shadrevaen could react favorably to behavior patterns seen in romanticized works, and less well to a pragmatic approach. A knight-in-shining armor or minnesanger might be the best negotiator, especially if putting on sufficient pathos. She could want the PCs to capture a famous bard for her (and locking him in a cage like a bird).



Zaulphiria, even though vain, might have the tooth of suspicion gnawing at her - what if she no longer looks her best? Carefully worded, an offer of lasting beauty-enhancing treatments would be worth a ton of bonus points. Badly phrased, it would get the PCs a massive minus.


Go to Comment
The Quest For Helen
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-25 10:01 AM


I like how you connect subs from several authors.



As for the adventure, it is quite straightforward, but alright.



A note: it's means it is . Its indicates possession by it.

Go to Comment
The Quest For Helen
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-25 10:02 AM


Also, the vote.


Go to Comment
Timmy the Tequila Worm Brand Tequila
Items  (Potion)   (Sentient)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-23 03:43 AM


I like the image of an insidious tequila worm that is up to no good. I picture him with a tiny sombrero on his wormy head.



The sole objection: Donovan, being a competent wizard using suggestion magicks should have found it quite easy to go all Jedi on the investors. "You WANT to revise the contract. The original Timmy is FAR better. No one will LOVE you unless you abandon this folly."


Go to Comment
Skrelleth Demons
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-23 03:32 AM


It does not feel like revenge - after all, the girl did nothing to actually wrong Sean the Failure.



Also, this kind of petty envious hatred is so common that likewise the Skrelleth demons would inadvertently be an everyday problem.



Also, the >curse< thing is unfitting for such petty critters - I see them rather physically switching bottles, spilling poison ivy extracts into a bath, or carrying a diseased cloth to their victim.


Go to Comment
Brawendyrnikal Aarylonius Miquelle
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-23 04:38 PM


Those names sound... gnomish. The bad kind of gnomish.


Go to Comment
30 Vampires
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-17 05:30 PM


Can't say I like it. The writing needs improvement, much so - remove word repetitions, correct grammar, punctuation and spelling. Also, several of the vamps could use a total overhaul.


Go to Comment
The Tower Shield
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-23 03:46 AM


It's ok.


Go to Comment
The Fallen
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-08 06:50 AM


This gives a whole new meaning to "giving somebody the finger."



I am absolutely uncertain what to think of this :D



Must ponder.


Go to Comment
The Chair of Malicious Truth
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-06 02:49 AM


Actually, this would find its way into the courtroom after the first incident, if it survived.



"Sure you murdered him - and two others; you also like the smell of manure, and spit into others' drinks."


Go to Comment
The Keep Beneath the Dusky Star
Dungeons  (Mountains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-02-03 02:31 AM


Legen-awesome-dary, if I dare so say.



I'm gonna HoH this like no man's business.



Also, consider it stolen.


Go to Comment
30 Starship Air & Maintenance Duct Problems
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - In General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-16 03:31 AM


Actually, we had a 30 with this theme....



Only, it got to 101.



http://strolen.com/viewing/101_Problems_with_my_Spaceship



What about simply adding these to that list? (Also, some of these are duplicate of problems on Scras' list).



Minor issue: legionnaire's disease is caused by a bacterium, not fungus.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legionella

Go to Comment
30 Starship Air & Maintenance Duct Problems
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - In General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-16 11:01 AM


They're well written, and some quite inventive.


Go to Comment
Things Are Not Always As They Seem
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Gaming - In General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-17 04:30 AM


I can't help myself, but I'd have welcome a more extensive sub, with more misconceptions aliens could have about us. Luckily, it is a scroll.


Go to Comment
Things Are Not Always As They Seem
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Gaming - In General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-17 04:39 PM
Not necessarily the "girl-eating-girl" theme, but generally ways human behaviour could be misunderstood by various alien species. Go to Comment
30 Bardic Tales
Items  (Art and Music)   (Non-Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-13 03:27 AM


This is pretty good!



There are some issues with punctuation, and especially with meter in the poetry passages, but it's a worthy addition.


Go to Comment
30 Bardic Tales
Items  (Art and Music)   (Non-Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-13 02:02 PM
Ok, now I'm curious - have you actually made musical versions as well, or did you just think "there might be a melody that could be good with this" ? Praytell :) Go to Comment
The Sanguine Mist
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-10 02:01 PM


With the right kind of players, this can be an interesting plot hook.



Though, the mechanism of wish-granting could be subtler in some instances - at time it reads like a marketplace ("What does a leg get me?"); also, I can envision it sticking longer to one wishing person who has a great dream, helping him but consuming him in the end.



Plot hooks are good.



All in all, a good sub.


Go to Comment
The Keeper of Dark Dreaming
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Mystical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-01-01 03:18 PM


Hm, intended this for the last quest, but did not post it in time.

 


Go to Comment
Total Comments:
1257

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2