Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 04:23 AM

Reminds me of a tale by... Gaiman, methinks. Anyways, exceedingly well written. The sole objection is that the Judge's punishments are a little literal.

You might want to edit out a few mistakes, such as the second plot hook lacking "hero" in the first line (A great ... has been etc.)

Echo likes.

A well-deserved 5, I'd say.

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The Box
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 04:25 AM

A little limited, needs to be expanded methinks. Also: add room for adventure, lest it is but a piece of color.

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Locations  (Area)   (Water)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 04:37 AM

It's rather interesting, this one!

Perhaps slightly altered, you could leave with something of *true* worth, but not with stuff collected out of greed.

Also, if PCs bother to research a little, they may leave their equipment behind, stored, sail to the Avaricious, and reclaim their stuff upon return! If they don't inquire... well, they should have!

The trash golems and the pale keepers need to be elaborated, though.

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The Badger Patch
Locations  (Area)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-30 07:30 AM

SHort and simple, but nicely written. Echo approves.

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Halfling nomads
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-28 03:38 AM

Well, isn't this basically how DnD since the 3rd edition portrays halflings?

(hence why I suggested to post first in the forum, to polish it before it makes front page)

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Halfling nomads
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-28 04:48 PM

Simply put, this is an elaboration on the basic DnD setting, which cannot be blamed for excess ingenuity. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like to see something new, special... and the basic DnD halflings have their own chapter in the... Races of... Destiny? Or races of the Wild, or whatever. So, my 0.02$ would be - if you write them up, you may as well make them something special. As for a race/culture write-up in general, go to greater breadth, depth and allocate space to topics according to story potential and importnace. So far, you may consider it a finished product, but not one I'd a) use b) rate highly.

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Halfling nomads
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-29 03:34 AM
If you want to make this compatible with the base DnD, yet interesting, build upon existing stuff and make it interesting and inventive.

Let's take a look:

a) The caravan: let's face it, painted wagons pulled by whatever have been done a million times. Screw this.
For example, Dragon Age made a simple change to the nomad elves - their wagons have sails. Hooray, originality!

But this is DnD.
So we can get ridiculous, yes?

Leomund's Tiny Huts taken to the extreme!

Apparently, while halflings are rarely archmages, they DO have skill at enchanting, in groups, permanent versions of the various DnD housing spells.
If you really want to put it in rules, you can go like this: "Feat: Halfling Travel-House-Builder... if X halflings with this feat gather for X days, they can enchant a permanent version of (housing spell).
It may be limited in use to avoid flooding the market with portable housing.

So, a halfling caravan stops, and they deploy a town. Some have portable cottages, some portable palisades, some even a portable tower or great gathering hall. PCs go to sleep on a plain, they wake up in a halfling town. Poof.

Alternatively, they may have sodding wagons, but they are bigger inside, or connected with portals if close to each other, or...

b) Stealing:
Yay, they are gypsies and they steal, who would have guessed.
Let's face it, laws governing gypsies were - justified, mind you - very strict. Caught misbehaving once, evicted, twice, hanged.
Fantasy, being feudal, would not be kinder to halflings.

So... how come they're not kicked in the behind everywhere they go? How come anyone cares about their +2 charisma?

Halfling Powder Bombs.

They are not easy to make and quite expensive, but when a halfling is caught, he may use one to bedazzle and befuddle pursuers, and induce short-term memory loss, sufficient to wipe a minute.

Thus, halflings maintain a profile as charming traveling people, carefully keeping public relations. And all the missing stuff? Coincidence.

Or, more mundanely, they may have strike teams to wipe evidence.

c) Biology: halflings have 1/8 of the weight of a human, yet 1/4 of his surface. They will lose warmth quickly, and be often hungry. You can play this up. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-01 03:45 PM

Question: Is his name a phonetic anagram of "I have to go?"

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Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-06 08:25 AM

It really could use a proof-read, I'll vote then.

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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 08:14 AM

Very good writing, and the "blood duelist" idea is great. Likewise would I like to hear of the origin of the cloth!

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30 Gifts of the Nekron
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 08:09 AM

I'd really rework some of this into a sequel of the Nekron thread, and not make it a 30.

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30 Gifts of the Nekron
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-27 09:53 AM

Well, I wanted to give Cheka time to work some more on this, but I shall give my 0.02 $

Some of them are not original enough to warrant their own 30 entry. A silver chain? A pouch of gems? Sounds like filler... someone has been lazy!

Giving away a wife / orphan is not something the Nekron would do, IMHO.

A Notcher is more a dwarven or human item...

Aaaand many of the rest could use spicing up.

I suggest reworking this...

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The Philadelphia Shipyards
Locations  (Area)   (Water)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 06:18 AM

Like Val said, it's good, and deserves a good rating. Alas, toxic waste, mutants and ruins have been done before; the added novelty lies in the fact that a large part of the setting are ships.

Also, them utants don't have too much space allocated to them, and seem vaguely generic.

So, it's good, and useful, though I'd elaborate on a) the native 'fauna' , think up some more original plot hooks, and spice the prose up a bit.

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The Leech and the Mud-Puddle
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-07 02:40 AM

Adorable :)

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Ram, the Dread Castle Incarnadine.
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-08 06:02 AM

As said, it is a summary, and needs to be fleshed out, with cool locales inside, plots and more detail in general about the castle and Ram.

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30 Small Town Horror Threads
Plots  (Mystical)   (Encounter)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-06-28 05:04 AM

I especially like the perky clerk who is exchanged every day, the self-correcting newspapers, and the plot with no-one having ancestors buried in the graveyard. (3, 6, 10). And, telling one guy something and the whole twon knows it.. that be quite creepy indeed (7).

Some of these plots are actually too subtle to be noticed by the players, though - no-one wearing blue is quite inconspicuous unless it's a bunch of sailors.

I'd also sum up all the "strange product" points into one.

Anyways, thanks for this, I'll use a few ^_^

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30 Small Town Horror Threads
Plots  (Mystical)   (Encounter)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-06-28 11:17 AM
Ah, very much like a Slovak village where no one brews schnapps, then. Highly suspicious. Go to Comment
Ten Curious Country Customs
Locations  (Regional)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-06-26 12:41 PM

It's useful and the writing is good.

What I'd welcome is to have more folk customs with actual fantasy elements.

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The Kandolari
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-06-14 07:32 AM

A note - simple math states that Kandolari populations will dwindle - a female needs to have more than two viable offspring that reach maturity to maintain a population. If infant mortality, war and disease play a large role, this number rises steeply.

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The Kandolari
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-06-19 02:28 PM

Browsing once more: hair grows out of follicles, not pores.

Also, I would not have mutant 'castes' - mutation through its very nature is random. So, the same mutants are unlikely, unless the variant is caused by dormant genes that are easily activated; or unless the mutant breeds true, giving rise to a branching-off sub-species.

With their elfin appearance and colorful hair, they also confer an anime feel - I don't know if that's intended.

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