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30 Ways To Be A Good Strolenite
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Gaming - In General)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-12 02:44 AM


Thank you Cheka for summing up so many important aspects so concisely.



I just read this, and will read it a few times more.



As for the gift sub - methinks it may be something taking place in another player's setting, a story involving another's submitted NPC, or ...?


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The Crowns of Glory
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-10 03:36 AM
Ah, I never read those. Are they worth checking out? Go to Comment
The Crowns of Glory
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-05-05 02:06 PM
What exactly would you see made into a book? The tale of the crowns themselves, or a tale in the world of the Crowned? Go to Comment
Deathreaper
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Villanous)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-08 09:10 AM


Thenestre is asking to have his little bubble burst.



The funny thing: as an illusionist, he'll likely get away with it.


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30 Sheaths
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-07 02:15 AM


Echo approves. They're all useful, some of them quite original too. I especially like 26 - the Fear Scabbard, and 9 - the Tattletale Scabbard.



Still, it could use a little work-over with a thesaurus and a look at the grammar (>it's< means >it is<, >its< indicates possession by it; etc.


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The Gateway of Empire
Locations  (Fortification)   (Mountains)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-06 06:38 AM


Echo likes. You captured the despair of a failing empire well, the faded glory too.



I noticed a few spelling errors, but nothing crucial. A well-rounded submission, ready to be used.


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30 Books from the Fallen Library
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Non-Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-03 05:21 PM


I like how every one of them is actually a plot hook or several; it's well-written and evocative. Even one of them may start off a campaign.



A good one.


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Dust of Sages
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Underground)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-31 05:06 AM


I will echo (haha) the previous comment: it feels more like a stub; hence, I won't vote yet.



Give it some love, for what I read so far could grow to be great!

 


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The Barrows of the Forest Lords
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Puzzles)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-31 04:58 AM


It's very... RPG-like. Like it was made for a computer game, or for a set of characters in pen-and-paper.



Also, why wasn't it looted in the 4000 years before?



I like the prose, though.


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The Barrows of the Forest Lords
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Puzzles)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-02 02:20 AM
Let me rephrase. The location does not sound realistic - it seems its sole existence was to sit there, provide a modest challenge to some dude, then cease being relevant. Go to Comment
The Barrows of the Forest Lords
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Puzzles)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-02 02:32 PM
For example, the haunting - it is presented as penance, telling of their errors. Why then does the haunt fade after telling the story of their failure to a scant few tresspassers?

What else?
It is straightforward.
It steers players away from interaction/cooperation.
The trials could be far better.
The presentation could use spicing up.
Etc.

I am not bitching, I am intent on helping you improve. Go to Comment
The Barrows of the Forest Lords
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Puzzles)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-03 04:50 PM
Oh.
Sorry for trying to help.
I thought we put up things on Strolen's to get some critique.

You act like it's perfect.
Whatever. Go to Comment
The Barrows of the Forest Lords
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Puzzles)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-03 04:50 PM
The Barrows of the Forest Lords
Dungeons  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Puzzles)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-04 09:05 AM
If you look above, at first I offered just critique, without suggestions (not orders) - to which I received a less than friendly reply.

Hence, I elaborated, and pointed out possible improvements. Because, I'm such a nice guy.

Upon which I again receive a pissed-off paragraph.

Hence, a last suggestion: calm down, really. Or I will come to think the RG at the beginning of your nick means Rage-Guy. You know, this dude:
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSZZPcU-ZbqDLNvkrun5rg57pczzUFrw4tVECwAkLI4UKWhgSQ4dw&t=1 Go to Comment
The Standard
Items  (Other)   (Heroic)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-31 05:03 AM


The plot hooks section is quite slim, especially with the mischief and outright disaster an anti-magic banner can wreak.



Also, I'd suggest adding some quirks and more personality a) to the known banners b) to the banners in general. So far, they're indestructible anti-magic banners. Woo.



It's okay, I guess.


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The Blood Beast
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-31 04:48 AM


I'd have welcomed alternative uses - so far, it's pretty straightforward.



> Blood beasts, in making all blood as one, could serve as universal transfusions!



> They could be distilled into healing agents!



> A colossal blood beast, stuck in a magical trap, could leak and feed a debased tribe with a fountain of unholy blood!


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Tome of the Ancient Kingdom
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-26 08:42 AM


Echo likes.



Your description led me to the truth of Nortelbean swiftly and without force, even before you stated the truth. .



The sub leaves me hungry for more, though - after the aperitif, a chunk of meat should come.



Care to add?



Please do ;)


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The Lost Empire
Locations  (World)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-24 04:09 AM


This one's good. Echo likes.



You might want to flesh out the plot hooks a little.


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The Mel Victus
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-22 12:04 PM


I noticed several spelling and grammar errors, and the prose could use some smoothing out.



Other than that, the plant on its own is OK, the background how a healing herb brought down a city is quite original as well.



I'm withholding the vote for now.


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The Mel Victus
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-03-22 01:55 PM
Still some left ^_^ - for example "sever" is a verb (cutting something from something else), but you're looking for "severe", the adjective pertaining to severity.

The area of your body where you wear your belt is the "waist", the "waste" is litter, refuse. I doubt they tied clay pots with the plants around their detritus or feces :)

etc. Go to Comment
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