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The Arbiter - Two-Bladed Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-28 03:52 AM


This is "so DnD" - the lore is decently written, but the whole "weapon made to stop the greatest foe" approach has been used too often and is made only slightly better by having been made by two working in unison.



Also, it's a sword. With a dragon inside. That turns you into a dragon. I know Dungeons and Dragons is supposed to be about as much about dragons as it is about dungeons, but overdoing it with the dragons may lead to diluting their dragony awesomeness and making them less special (been there, done it).



This said, the sword can be a good McGuffin; I'd have included a limiting clause though or some sort of drawback which makes players less inclined to keep it after they down the Big Nasty.



Another note: the bargain Lord Brax struck with the dragon could have actually borne the seeds of his demise - you write he had the power to claim the soul of the dragon - so the dragon in turn should possess the "power, strength, endurance, and knowledge" to defeat him, in turn. Hence, the dragon-turned-blade could indeed be fed a stream of thought betraying the villain's plans or next strike in that battle (knowledge), drain him of vigor feeding its weilder and striking true as defensive enchantments woven by Lord Brax fail miserably to deflect this one weapon.



Also, welcome to the citadel.


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The Sigurdian Bowgun
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-23 01:38 PM


You could go with a spring mechanism, with a winch to draw back a hideously strong metal coil... or you could make it a Gauss crossbow, propelling the bolt along the barrel with whatever technobabble strieks your fancy.



Also, I don't think fletching per se has to impart a spin on the arrow, it ensures that the arrow does not tumble.



As it is, the technological solution does not make too much sense.



On a different note - you can really go way out there: what if the bolts are magnetic - and coincidentally, the magic used to enhance the armors of the cavalry improves all the properties of the metal, including attracting magnets, disproportionately so?


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The Sigurdian Bowgun
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-24 01:38 AM
Ok, so no magic then.
The two bows are still more of an image thing, though. Because: you are aware that bows do come with various amounts of pull? The weak ones can be bent with little force, and likewise exert as little force on the arrow. The strong bows exert over 200 pounds of pull.

Only, exceedingly strong pull becomes difficult with crossbows as they require more and more elaborate mechanisms to cock them. Hence, perhaps you could come up with a clever and inventive solution for winding up hideously strong crossbows? Go to Comment
The Sigurdian Bowgun
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-25 01:53 AM
Actually, yes they would combine their strength in this case. When a car hits a wall at 30 mph, the wall hits paradoxically back with the same force. Hence, it's as if two cars collided. (damn you, Newton!)

In the case of the bows, it's very much like trying to bend two sticks at once - they're more difficult to bend than one stick. By their powers combined, the bow-handgun is the bow-handgun.
What I am worried about is the homogenous transduction of force from two bows to one arrow. And also the consideration: why the hell would I use two bows when I can simply use a stronger one?
The problem is not one bow being too weak, rather it's in bending such a strong bow. Go to Comment
Classified Genetic Material
Items  (Other)   (Campaign Defining)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-23 02:06 AM
Hylandpad: epidemic or pandemic; endemic means limited to a region.

Alas - I would love to have a CGM quest. Go to Comment
Prophets and Sorcerers
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-23 02:17 AM


It's somewhat similar to Dragon Age's approach - spirits being drawn to open minds and either invading, or coexisting.



Also, check spelling and grammar, please.



All in all, it might make for good story material.

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The Vortex Well
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-17 02:35 PM


This set-up leaves little room for adventuring, though.


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The Hell of Half-Nothings
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 02:13 AM


Given the nature of this particular hell, it may be difficult, but methinks this lacks ... something... to make it really stand out.


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The Non
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 02:17 AM


Indeed, the part about entering the Non is what sets it really apart.


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Katumus
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 03:23 AM


Reminds me of a tale by... Gaiman, methinks. Anyways, exceedingly well written. The sole objection is that the Judge's punishments are a little literal.



You might want to edit out a few mistakes, such as the second plot hook lacking "hero" in the first line (A great ... has been etc.)



Echo likes.



A well-deserved 5, I'd say.


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The Box
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Other)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 03:25 AM


A little limited, needs to be expanded methinks. Also: add room for adventure, lest it is but a piece of color.


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Avaricious
Locations  (Area)   (Water)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-18 03:37 AM


It's rather interesting, this one!



Perhaps slightly altered, you could leave with something of *true* worth, but not with stuff collected out of greed.



Also, if PCs bother to research a little, they may leave their equipment behind, stored, sail to the Avaricious, and reclaim their stuff upon return! If they don't inquire... well, they should have!



The trash golems and the pale keepers need to be elaborated, though.


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The Badger Patch
Locations  (Area)   (Forest/ Jungle)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-30 06:30 AM


SHort and simple, but nicely written. Echo approves.


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Halfling nomads
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-28 02:38 AM


Well, isn't this basically how DnD since the 3rd edition portrays halflings?



(hence why I suggested to post first in the forum, to polish it before it makes front page)


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Halfling nomads
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-28 03:48 PM


Simply put, this is an elaboration on the basic DnD setting, which cannot be blamed for excess ingenuity. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like to see something new, special... and the basic DnD halflings have their own chapter in the... Races of... Destiny? Or races of the Wild, or whatever. So, my 0.02$ would be - if you write them up, you may as well make them something special. As for a race/culture write-up in general, go to greater breadth, depth and allocate space to topics according to story potential and importnace. So far, you may consider it a finished product, but not one I'd a) use b) rate highly.

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Halfling nomads
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-29 02:34 AM
If you want to make this compatible with the base DnD, yet interesting, build upon existing stuff and make it interesting and inventive.

Let's take a look:

a) The caravan: let's face it, painted wagons pulled by whatever have been done a million times. Screw this.
For example, Dragon Age made a simple change to the nomad elves - their wagons have sails. Hooray, originality!

But this is DnD.
So we can get ridiculous, yes?

Leomund's Tiny Huts taken to the extreme!

Apparently, while halflings are rarely archmages, they DO have skill at enchanting, in groups, permanent versions of the various DnD housing spells.
If you really want to put it in rules, you can go like this: "Feat: Halfling Travel-House-Builder... if X halflings with this feat gather for X days, they can enchant a permanent version of (housing spell).
It may be limited in use to avoid flooding the market with portable housing.

So, a halfling caravan stops, and they deploy a town. Some have portable cottages, some portable palisades, some even a portable tower or great gathering hall. PCs go to sleep on a plain, they wake up in a halfling town. Poof.

Alternatively, they may have sodding wagons, but they are bigger inside, or connected with portals if close to each other, or...

b) Stealing:
Yay, they are gypsies and they steal, who would have guessed.
Let's face it, laws governing gypsies were - justified, mind you - very strict. Caught misbehaving once, evicted, twice, hanged.
Fantasy, being feudal, would not be kinder to halflings.

So... how come they're not kicked in the behind everywhere they go? How come anyone cares about their +2 charisma?

Halfling Powder Bombs.

They are not easy to make and quite expensive, but when a halfling is caught, he may use one to bedazzle and befuddle pursuers, and induce short-term memory loss, sufficient to wipe a minute.

Thus, halflings maintain a profile as charming traveling people, carefully keeping public relations. And all the missing stuff? Coincidence.

Or, more mundanely, they may have strike teams to wipe evidence.

c) Biology: halflings have 1/8 of the weight of a human, yet 1/4 of his surface. They will lose warmth quickly, and be often hungry. You can play this up. Go to Comment
Tihewgoe
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-08-01 02:45 PM


Question: Is his name a phonetic anagram of "I have to go?"


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Lurdi
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-06 07:25 AM


It really could use a proof-read, I'll vote then.


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 07:14 AM


Very good writing, and the "blood duelist" idea is great. Likewise would I like to hear of the origin of the cloth!


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30 Gifts of the Nekron
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 07:09 AM


I'd really rework some of this into a sequel of the Nekron thread, and not make it a 30.


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