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Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Space)
EchoMirage's comment on 2015-08-11 04:53 AM
An interesting idea, for sure.
I'd recommend running a thorough language correction (grammar, spelling) though to make it more palatable. Go to Comment
Circlet of Cerberus
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2015-03-21 02:06 PM
It's short, but covers all essential topics.
I'd just suggest a read-over, there are some spelling and syntax issues (e.g., "thru" instead of "through" in the introduction) Go to Comment
Inemuri Salon
Locations  (Establishment)   (CyberSpace)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-11-22 04:51 PM
I'd expand on the Puppet Master.
> Brute control is crude. For a twist, the AI might just help them to catharsis, to understand what's wrong in their lives... and suddenly, they abandon the Zaibatsu, or see their sins and dishonor, and kill themselves. The AI may even be well-meaning.

And, I'd add The Prophet.
> A wise man died during his dream session - but he persevered in the dreamscape, and speaks to dreamers. He may even attract a cult and following. Go to Comment
Inemuri Salon
Locations  (Establishment)   (CyberSpace)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-11-22 04:53 PM
A worthy addition to the Cosmic era, and helps illustrate the culture of Nippon well.
I like how the idea of dreams for sale exceeded the established trope of addiction and withdrawal from reality, and became an artistic experience. Go to Comment
The Sundered Fields
Locations  (Other)   (Plains)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-11-22 04:59 PM
Well, this really could use expanding with notable landmarks of the fields (e.g. a burned temple, some anomaly that may have been the source of the plague) and notable NPCs or monsters.
You also could add the explanations you provided in the comment to the main text.
Also, plot hooks! Go to Comment
NPCs  (Major)   (Knowledge/Lore)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-11-22 05:07 PM
I like cheese, and this is a very cheesy treat indeed. My favourite part is the soul gem placement though.
I know that old-school often had no motivation for villains, but what is she using all that power for? Or is she evil for the sake of evil and power? Go to Comment
Hammer Of Spirit Binding
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-11-22 05:11 PM
Just voted. Go to Comment
The Heads of Zaid
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-10-07 06:42 AM
I'm curious how their insanity reflects on their actions towards the world. I understand that they're capable of spell-casting? Go to Comment
Navarch Ariana Sterngood
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-10-08 02:52 PM
I think they don't even want to restore her, or to substitute the hormones. Why deal with puberty when you can have a perfectly stable kid general?

Possibly, I'd revisit what kind of body she chooses for herself; it might not be girlish teen androids. The gamer in her might choose a body that appears imposing, epic and still cool, an iconic over-the top sculpt that has nothing to do with how she might have looked if not for her sickness. Go to Comment
The Singing Children
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-10-08 03:03 PM
I like; reminds me of some Steven King novels (Dreamcatcher comes to mind).
Just as a matter of interest, what is the explanation behind the phenomenon? Go to Comment
Imbrian Culture
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Trans World)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-10-12 06:02 AM
I like the concept a lot, and think this is an excellent piece.
It's just, I sense that the creative force behind it made it stumble over itself in the effort to get written, and it feels hurried in places, and I'd welcome more detail in others.
(I'll change my vote to a higher one then)

(btw., Earth as both cradle and penal colony of humanity is rather funny) Go to Comment
30 Punishments
Systems  (Political)   (Historical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-10-12 06:16 AM
Some are rather fun, and I feel like stealing a few :)
I'd revise the list, though, because some, especially towards the end, are sort of weak.
As a whole, a solid 4. Go to Comment
30 Punishments
Systems  (Political)   (Historical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2014-10-12 06:16 AM
Some are rather fun, and I feel like stealing a few :)
I'd revise the list, though, because some, especially towards the end, are sort of weak.
Go to Comment
Augmented Disposition Tattoos
Society/ Organizations  (Mercantile)   (World Wide)
EchoMirage's comment on 2013-11-16 01:16 PM
I have to note that genomic alteration will not fully alter a personality; it is necessary to re-write the wiring of personality that had its basic layout provided by the genome and was filled out by experience.
A purely genomic change could alter the type of neurotransmitter receptors expressed, their quantities, etc., inducing broad-spectrum changes in behavior and trends, such as increased docility.

As said, the tattoo is but a brand, a mark of Cain, it could use a greater connection to the core of the sub.

Also, as you're rewriting the genome, the changes would be inheritable?

Go to Comment
Vitralara, the Mongrelmen
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
EchoMirage's comment on 2013-08-08 04:25 AM
I am going to steal the Emerald Tiger, 'cause it's awesome.
I am also going to steal the 8-legged horse.
The Devil Monkey and Lion-Hare are pretty cool too, and the Pika-sheep is cute.

All in all, a very good piece; the only thing I'd think about a bit is the 'genetics' of the Vitralara - or was it your intent to provide a background for the feeble DnD Mongrelman? Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Space)
EchoMirage's comment on 2013-07-18 02:54 PM
Hey, where's that wickedness?
Also, are they cross-fertile with humans? Or do they just try? Go to Comment
Types of Dark Religions
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
EchoMirage's comment on 2013-04-26 04:43 PM
Please spellcheck and revise grammar. I§l hold my vote for now. Go to Comment
Angel BioModification
Systems  (Technical/ Mechanical)   (Specific)
EchoMirage's comment on 2013-03-20 09:20 AM
I would highly recommend GURPS Biotech for a thorough discussion of this topic - but you covered the main issues very well.

As others said, Lana is the top seller. Imagine a group of escaped Lanas from the Angel program... serving as mercs in some backwater.
They can be told apart only by their wings.
Dude. May I write the MercLanas up?
May I?
*bounces up and down on office chair* Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
EchoMirage's comment on 2013-01-06 03:43 PM
Rather charming, I'd say. I wonder how long it will players take to call 'Santa? O.o' on this one. Go to Comment
Military Hover Bike
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
EchoMirage's comment on 2012-09-19 07:39 AM
What altitude can the bike reach?
Because, if it can go high enough, it can ignore most terrain, and needs just an open space to land. Go to Comment
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