Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Ghorion, the Weaponmaster
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Mountains)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-12-14 09:30 PM
I kind of agree with axlerowes - this reads a lot like a description of a boss fight. It sounds very interesting and exciting, and definite points for that, but it's lacking in context. I feel like there's a lot that makes this guy important that I don't get from this submission. I think that the Glacier of Doom, for example, could very easily merit it's own submission, and improve this one by adding that context. Go to Comment
The Redheaded Corpse
Plots  (Event)   (Single-Storyline)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-12-14 09:46 PM
This is a good submission. The plot can be hooked into fairly easily, and there are a number of elements of momentary importance which could be adjusted to fit the scenario into a campaign. The setting helps to flavor things, but isn't critical, and the overall tale seems interesting.

My one problem is with the end. It's very abrupt. Rather, it's confusing in how it's supposed to tie together. I think an overview of the chain of events here would be very helpful. Go to Comment
Camel's Hump
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-11-13 08:58 PM
Speaking as someone who is not a lover of alcohol, I agree with Muro about its appeal due to its exoticness, and have no real knowledge of camels for it to nag at.

That said, while this sub has the interesting and artistic bits, I don't know how actually useable it is. I suppose some adventures could capture a treasure trove of fermenting camel humps or something,

I think that this could most benefit from some sample plot hooks, but it's not bad at all like this. Go to Comment
Potion of Euphemisms
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-10-04 05:05 PM
What we have here is a sub that really pushes my buttons, if you know what I mean.

(Also, it probably deserves the silly freetext) Go to Comment
Potion of Euphemisms
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-10-05 01:21 PM
Guys, you're doing it wrong, if you know what I mean. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-10-04 04:57 PM
This submission has a decent overview of a culture, but I have one major problem with it - it doesn't really connect together. It seems like a bunch of disparate elements just kind of stuck together. If farming is so difficult on this plain, then wouldn't it make more sense to be nomadic and follow the herd animals? But seemingly, farming is important to these people. If it is, go with that; don't feel compelled to weaken "farmers in hostile land" by saying "but they're mostly hunter-gatherers." Also, there's nothing here that distinguishes them as elves as opposed to humans or dwarves or any other people.

I think that there's a lot of potential in this submission, but you need to develop it a bit more to make that potential shine through. Go to Comment
Bacon the Dog
NPCs  (Minor)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-09-29 07:35 AM
Very nice. You can never have too many animal mascots. (That's a lie - there's definitely a limit). Go to Comment
Yethamerands Stonecloak
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-09-22 03:06 PM
Stands out to me as almost an organization or race magic item, rather than a unique one. You could have some sort of 'sinister' organization built around having these cloaks and the ability to see all around the world, or even farther.

Or perhaps the cloaks made by some ancient people, and now only used by this organization, who use them only for espionage, not fathoming some greater purpose.... Go to Comment
The Clothes of Alexander Sehtolc
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-09-22 02:54 PM
This submission is a bit dull. I mean, the idea of magic items that come in sets is one that I don't see used to it's full potential that often, but this is just not that interesting of a go at it.

The individual items themselves are fairly standard as far as items go, so they have to hang on the background and connectivity to be really interesting, and there just isn't anything extra there.

It's not a bad submission, it just doesn't really stand out to me. Go to Comment
The Hellephant
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-08-12 06:46 PM
Terrifying. And I love the name.

I have a hard time envisaging an elephant with three trunks, but perhaps that's part of the appeal.

A good giant and a nice kaiju. Go to Comment
Amazons and Orcs
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-06-23 08:26 AM
I think that this region would work well in a big sandbox sort of game. Players can just sort of blunder into the middle of things and run about wreaking havoc and having all sorts of effects on the outcome of the war. Or get involved on either side. Perhaps the most impressive result would be to achieve some form of reconciliation, but that might not be sp great for the rest of the world. I agree with Muro that it works well in it's simplicity.

I especially like the inclusion of characters of note, which really helps to show how complex this could potentially be made.

My one complaint is that, since you've included the divination and exotic mount free texts, I would have liked to see more detail on those two subjects. Go to Comment
The Glyph of Tarnos Krae
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-06-23 08:34 AM
My favorite part of this one is the box of flavor text at the beginning, but I think that the whole thing is good. There are a lot of ways that you could use this or that it could come up in a game. Finding it could be a very major event in a game, and really, I think that this is an item that could be quite legendary itself. Need to discover an ancient password? Where the secret entrance of some tomb is? This could be your golden ticket. Go to Comment
Just in Time
Articles  (At Table)   (Game Mastering)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-06-15 10:53 PM
I'm a bit torn here. This is a really interesting plot, and I think that it could run pretty well in a game, but depending on how you work it, I think it could very possibly come out as a bit too much of a deus ex machina. I suppose that that's what it is, really. Anyway, it's got a bit of a Bill and Ted feel to it, which is neat. Go to Comment
River's Coin
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-06-10 03:45 PM
This item is, to me, kind of a mixed bag. There are basically three parts to it, and I don't think that they entirely go together. What I mean is this:

First, the idea that the gods basically pay each other money in exchange for refusals and perhaps insults or whatever, a sort of divine recompense, I guess, is really neat. I love the idea that the god of death has a responsibility, and if he doesn't want to do it, he has to pay a price to another god, and also that the money used for such payments can end up in the hands of mortals. That's a cool idea.

Then you say that he pays the two coins which were used to get into the afterlife. The idea that the coins paid to get into the afterlife become magical is also a neat idea. But I feel that it lacks a certain degree of symbolism with the previous bit. If there's a connection between the money and why the death god is supposed to release the soul, then it makes sense why he's returning that specific money. But as is, it comes across as just being the money that he happens to have at hand, coincidentally the same amount, and that sort of robs the item of this interesting bit of background.

Finally, the actual thing that the item does. Sending people back in time to avoid their own death is an interesting idea, if a problematic one in an actual game scenario, I suspect. But again, I think it kind of lacks resonance with the rest of the bits. I don't think that dying and time share an inherent connection, so I think that this comes across as kind of a forced way to bring someone back to life.

In the end, I think that you have three good ideas here that are all kind of dangling off of each other, rather than firmly connected. Go to Comment
Time Zombie
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (City/ Ruin)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-06-10 03:55 PM
I'll agree with everyone else and say that I like them. They're flexible, evocative, interesting... what's not to like?

One thing that I think could potentially be interesting would be to use these guys like an involuntary time machine. You know: they catch the PCs, infect the PCs, and the PCs wake up 100 years later when they've caught someone else.

I'm also a bit curious what happens if you kill one. Does the universe go into time debt? Or do things just kind of go back to normal? Go to Comment
Gems of the Underworld
Items  (Materials)   (Cursed)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-04-30 09:02 PM

Very nice. I like Cheka Man's idea above - it could be a very amusing way to pin the blame for some disaster on the PCs. You know, kill the demon, sell his stuff, the town gets destroyed in a giant drunken orgy sort-of-thing. I could also sort of imagine demons, or even clever dragons or royalty, using the stones to weaken guests. "Oh, Ambassador, you simply must stay in our sapphire room. It's truly exquisite."


It could also be an interesting idea to simply define demons by their benefiting from these stones. That is, a demon doesn't have any special powers other than what it gains from these. Could create an interesting hierarchy of wealth.


I am mildly confused about the very first one, though. When you say consumption, you mean tuberculosis, right?

Go to Comment
Laj the Hollow Judge
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Knowledge/Lore)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-04-30 08:35 PM

I really like Laj. As a setting element alone, he's great, and I love that he's easily flexible enough to fit in almost any game: he could be a robot, a transhuman AI, a Buffy-style demon, fantasy god; there's a lot.



One thing that isn't quite addressed here (though I don't think it needs to be) is whether Laj is all-knowing and a perfect judge, or if he can convinced, and is simply utterly impartial. That is, are there lawyers who specialize in dealing with Laj? You could run a Law & Dungeons game, with the PCs travelling the world to collect solid evidence against incredible evil-doers and then coming to present it in the court of Laj.


 


I don't know; I really like it.

Go to Comment
Familiar Elementals
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-04-15 03:42 PM


I think that these are interesting from what I think is the intended perspective, traditional fantasy, but I think that they could also be really interesting in a more Harry Potter sort of setting. In the former, they offer some interesting ideas, but I think would mostly matter in their actions and bonuses.



In a game focusing more on wizards, though, I think that they could be pretty neat. Stonepal shenanigans, maybe tubs of water for people to put their Wet One's in when they're occupied. Getting an upgrade could be a big deal - you could even use the four elements as a sort of Hogwarts-style Sorting, actually.



From the perspective of somebody interested in familiars, I think that they're neat.


Go to Comment
King Hakhon sus Scoria
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-04-13 12:07 PM


I agree with Phaidros that there are good opportunities for adventure here. I can imagine all sorts of stuff going on about the kingdom at this point. And certainly in the surrounding areas!



Also, I think that the queen and the statue of a king crushing people under his boot could both plausibly support submissions of their own - they certainly have room for some interesting development. But really, it's the small island kingdoms that catch my fancy - I can imagine a collection of disparate cultures suddenly forced under a single banner, too far from the capital to be effectively ruled, but forced to pay heavy taxes for the king's wars nonetheless. Probably interesting places.


Go to Comment
Stuffy Dinner Party Guests
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-02-13 06:59 PM


Knight-Commander Gren



Gren is the man in charge of security for the party. As such, it is very important that he be seated in a position from which he can easily leave if something should come up. Furthermore, Gren's brother died in the last Goblin War, and he shouldn't be seated next to anyone who favors a trade agreement with our former adversaries. Also, he hates to be seated next to



Lady Catherine of Wesshire, his Wife



Lady Catherine is very finicky about table etiquette. She should absolutely not be seated next to anyone who is not certain to possess the most flawless of manners, and she should probably not be seated next to anyone who would take offense at her snide remarks about other guests. Also, considering the rumors about her and Lord Pemberton, she should not be seated next to any gossips.


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