I too noticed the similarities to Gollum. Though they do not seem to detract from the sub. Anyway, it is well written, easy to read. I especially like the part about the giant spider (By the by, why did the food start dropping? Did the spider make his web stronger?). The part about cannibalism actually reminds me quite a bit of Lovecraft, particularly The Shunned House and Rats in the Walls. Over all, great job! Go to Comment
It is a bit short. I would like to see more on what the groups goals are and how they accomplish those goals. Also, if they are about half divine-magic oriented then there should probably be some connections to deity or deities. If so, what are they?
If you get stuck on what to add, start looking it over and asking questions. If the answer does not appear in your sub then put it in.
While the actual drakes are interesting and there is much detail, I found the way it was written distracting. One topic would jump to the next with no seeming connection, and the sentences seem to be fragmented and jumbled. However, I much appreciate the 'Summary and other details' section, but I have a question: you say that anyone asking too many questions is a spy, is that because everyone else would already know about them? Go to Comment
For the most part I agree with Pieh. Also, you mention Moradin. I know who that is since I play DnD 3.5, but not everyone necessarily does, so a brief description of him would be nice (e.g. Moradin, the god of dwarves and smithies). Go to Comment
Excellent work, Choasmark! I like the possibility of golems carrying/enhanced with this stuff. Siege weapons might also be a good idea, but for a short time after firing you would have an even tougher time attacking than before, don't know if it would be worth it. Go to Comment
I like the idea of the order. It's different so you aren't just having "yet another group of NPC fighters", but it's not so strange that it can't be used. I especially liked the (false) rumors. Go to Comment
The small forest of Gri'nabalin is notorious for its old, old trees. Giant redwoods, and, not quite as old, ironwoods, growing in the shade of the taller trees. Many tourists and scholars would travel from across the lands to examine and conjecture about the great giants. The party gets involved, the everlasting search for fame and fortune.
Recently, there have been numerous reports about sightings of a mysterious creature. The descriptions are all pretty much the same, a long white worm, rustling through the undergrowth. Since the reports started coming, in the number of travelers to the forest has increased greatly.In addition to an increase in numbers of tourists and scholars, adventurers have been coming to try and capture or kill whatever the thing is.
The party will be met, while searching the forest, by several bands of others, usually with the same goal as themselves. Most of these bands will be , at the least, wary of consorting with rivals to the goal. The sightings are few and far between, the creature is assumed to be skittish of the larger numbers of people tramping through its forest.
The party will have pretty much the same results as everyone else, unless they go near the older, rockier part of the forest. None of the reported sightings came from that part of the forest. If they search the area, then they will find several dozen mildly concealed caves, all of differing sizes and shapes. These caves, if explored, reveal an underground network of tunnels, spread throughout the rocky part of the forest. The tunnels echo strangely with scratchings and odd hissings.
The creature sighted by all those people is a noxious thing, long a resident of the forest, and even longer of the tunnels beneath. It looks much like the worm it was said to be, save for the head. That particular facet of its anatomy is definitely insectoid. Mandibles jut out from a many-eyed head with stubby bristles above.
The beast was born below the old roots, and for years fed upon them, but when an earthquake uncovered one of the tunnels it had created, it found a new world to explore, and new creatures to feed upon. Go to Comment