I agree with what Shadoweagle said. The ruleset/setting specifics should probably be changed, and, though I like the background, it is a bit sparse. Pretty much everything else was fine, no spelling or grammatical errors. Except for the first line.
"Also known as Falcon Rapiers, Danamax Rapiers are more elongated than normal rapiers, about two or three inches longer than a normal Rapier."
This would be better written to me as:
"Also known as Falcon Rapiers, Danamax Rapiers are more elongated than normal rapiers, by about two or three inches"
This rids the sentence of the redundant second saying of "normal rapiers".
Anyway, you've turned out another good sub, Infested-jerk.
(although it's a little disconcerting to keep calling someone a jerk, at least someone who didn't deserve it). Go to Comment
The Bloody Bow's background is somewhat generic (a god give the item to a powerful guy then it gets lost to time), the powers are a little like most things you would find in any RPG, your basic vampiric bow. But the added powers, such as the transformation to a Blood Beast, make it more than cliche. Your use of what appear to be fairly system specific rulings (as far as I can tell, it's D&D) is a little unhelpful, as it is best to leave the specifics to be determined by the various DM's. I have a question though, you refer to the Blood Beast, is that someething that might be found in the wild? If it is, will you be submitting it soon? Nicely written sub. Go to Comment
Kotor of the Glade. I like the name. He seems a good NPC to flesh out your gaming world. Kotor does not "feel" like a major plot-starter to me, but it really doesn't matter. Not every toad/crab/human that the party comes across needs to be a plot hook. You did a great job with the physical description, very...Descriptive. Welcome to the Citadel, Infested-jerk. Go to Comment
The somewhat cliche'd name was given as sort of a joke on my part. It fits perfectly with the supposed sword, but the reality is just not the same. Go to Comment
A good scroll, fairly useful and interesting. The idea is likable, mainly because these aren't highly powerful items. What I see this as becoming is a list of small, but good,items. The kind of stuff that would light up the PC's eye. Yet another good one, Grey. Go to Comment
This small chunk of flint, and paired iron striker, are of singular ability. Anything lit on fire with them will never burn out. It is a fire in every sense except that it does not use any fuel or oxygen. Go to Comment
I agree with Echo in saying that you brought across the nature of the Kumbra well. I noticed a few points where you mixed your pronouns, at one point referring to Shek-Ta as "her, at another as "it". You also made a grammatical mistake, the possessive it "its", "it's" means "it is". A nice well rounded sub,Silv. Go to Comment
This is an interesting idea, slightly disturbing, but nevertheless interesting. I enjoy the idea of cute little teddy bears ramming themselves repeatedly against someone. The writing is clear and easy to read, and there were no spelling or grammar problems that I could see. congrats, Grey. Go to Comment
I like the idea, and the background is decent. Something I would suggest would be to give some descriptions for specific locations within the carnival. Do they have a special tent just for "weathering out" their transformations? Also, what happens usually during the full moon, do they just sit around and mope,or do the villagers find oddly killed deer in the woods the next morning? Go to Comment
First off, welcome to the Citadel, Grey. This is a nice new look at the medusa as a race (though I prefer to call them gorgons, since that's the actual name of the creature, and not simply the most well known one). The history is interesting, and it is nicely detailed. A few more details about this "infant god" of theirs would be nice. Great first sub. Go to Comment
I didn't do just that because I wanted to allow the idea to ferment in the DM's mind. I gave you the place, and what it is about, now it's up to you to specify the locations in your own game. Go to Comment
It is a fairly good idea, but it is also a little brief. A few more details would be nice, such as where they usually nest. A good first sub, and welcome to the Citadel. Go to Comment
A nice piece to use for a specific objective. Could the players cause one of themselves to become farsighted, just so that they can see farther for a while.
Good Job, Pieh. Go to Comment
Have you ever read the Enchanted Forest series of books? True they were written for kids, but they put an interesting new aspect on the old fairytales. Go to Comment
New Submissions
Items (Melee Weapons) (Combat)
"Also known as Falcon Rapiers, Danamax Rapiers are more elongated than normal rapiers, about two or three inches longer than a normal Rapier."
This would be better written to me as:
"Also known as Falcon Rapiers, Danamax Rapiers are more elongated than normal rapiers, by about two or three inches"
This rids the sentence of the redundant second saying of "normal rapiers".
Anyway, you've turned out another good sub, Infested-jerk.
(although it's a little disconcerting to keep calling someone a jerk, at least someone who didn't deserve it). Go to Comment