I think we could use a little more background. While a mysterious origin sounds cool, it doesn't give much content. I'd like to hear more about the organization's background. Who founded it? Why? Is there any motivation for torture beyond money?
It's a good, solid start, but some more would be nice. Go to Comment
Tattoos have long been used as deeply personal markings, often revealing that which the wearer is most devoted to. Some magi and shamans are able to create tattoos that not only mark their wearer as a member of their order, but also give powers reserved only for those who are so marked.
- Power imbued. The wearer of the tattoo is able to use exclusive magic by drawing it out from the mystical mark. By binding the power to the tattoo, a magic order can ensure that only their members can use these spells. Depending on the tattoo and power, the mark may disappear after a set number of uses.
- Summon spirit. Shamans who have close ties to the ethereal realm can bind a tattoo to a spirit. Thus, the wearer of the tattoo is able to call upon mystical creatures to aid him. These can range from airy spirits like poltergeists and wisps, to more beastly souls such as ethereal salamanders (think FF-style summon magic). Go to Comment
I was afraid the orphan thing would seem cliche, but it made more sense in my head. No dragon would accept a half-breed, and the drow would want nothing to do with him. Perhaps you're right about him looking too fierce to live in standard communities, though. I'll have to rethink him a bit. Go to Comment
So Thaxen comes from my high school era of RPing. He was supposed to be an adversary/antithesis of a elf/blue dragon hybrid. Clearly, I didn't get much beyond that stage in my thinking.
As Scras and Forganthus suggested, he obviously needed some more background and characterization. The "orphan to avenger" thing has been done to death, of course. So what could save him? Is there anything salvageable in this guy? Go to Comment
I'm a fan of mercs myself. I espeically like that this is a purely magic-user organization, and not only that, they focus on the defensive rather than the offensive. A good, solid use of magic and mercenary ideas. Go to Comment
Point taken on the length, Moon. I've noticed I tend to go overboard on explaining things. Perhaps my new goal should be shorter posts with equitable quality. I also added a few more role-play notes, though I'm afraid they're most reiterations of each other. Go to Comment
My thanks, Scrasamax. I'll try to keep up the quality.
I'm curious what you find questionable about a dragon-human cooperation. Is it the premise of their association, that the dragons needed help from mortals? or just the fact that they've associated at all? Go to Comment
Hm, perhaps I placed too much emphasis on the protection aspect and not enough on the severity of the plague. My view of dragons (at least in this particular world) is close to Scras' and Mourn's, though maybe on about a 2/3 scale of strength. Dragons are still rare in my world, perhaps no more than a few hundred. But I also see the godlike mystique of a dragon that slaughters ten thousand armies without care as mythical. They are certainly mighty, but not entirely invulnerable.
The boneblight plague also put them in grave circumstances. It's a disease that, among other symptoms, gives severe arthritis to the point of making an individual completely immobile (I plan to make an entry on boneblight later). Close to half of the draconic race was wiped out, and two-thirds of the rest were infected. The dragons were in dire straights when they requested the help of the Magi.
While I keep talking about the monks as protectors of the dragons, they are also servants, footsoldiers and mortal eyes for the dragons. They cure dragons when ill, or protect their borders and secrecy.
That was my intention, at least, and it's hardly canonical. Interpret and modify them however you'd like. Go to Comment
I absolutely agree about the comments as other POVs, Mourngrymn, and I appreciate it. After reading the comments and rereading my post, I realized I had d/emphasized some aspects that I hadn't meant to. The comments were quite helpful in seeing other POVs, and they are greatly appreciated.:)
I like your system's dragons, Mourngrymn. I've never thought of dragons as the children of the gods. A lot of the time, though, I see dragons as "munchkin" (I think that's the phrase you guys use?). If there's a dragon nearby, you just stand in awe and quietly slink away. If a dragon attacks a kingdom, the whole country is screwed. My view of dragons is sort of skewed in the opposite direction as that, I suppose. My experience with RPGs is limited, of course, and I think most people on here use dragons and other mythical creatures much more sparingly and wisely. But I find badly written/played dragons as a huge roadblock and cliche. Go to Comment
Seeing how no one appears to have voted on it since the author modified the sub after criticism, I decided to take a look at it.
It's sort of an interesting idea, or a potentially interesting idea: a fuel source that does not expire. You light it, it stays lit until it's put out, presumably forever. I doubt that's the first time someone's come up with that, but it has potential as an interesting object.
The alchemical story is a little odd. It basically is an artificial cap on why there's only a few of these things around. That could be a good thing, but it's not very well written.
So overall, a sub-par submission. Could have been fixed with a more vivid story, or some more details on its operation and usage, but lacking that, I give it a 2.5/5. Go to Comment