Seems like a very classic "Religious zeal turns to violent crusade" plot. There's a lot of detail, but I'm not getting a "feel" for these characters. Maybe that was part of your point, that in war there's no individuals just factions. There's certainly an interesting feel to this whole war, though. Go to Comment
It definately has a lot going for it, very interesting concepts on race and religion. It just seems to be lacking something, though...
It's like you've got a skeleton and musculature, but there needs to be a little skin. The sub itself is a little hard to follow with the formatting. I feel like there should be a few more details about these factions as well.
Overall, a 4.0 You've definately got something, it just needs a bit more to make it great. Go to Comment
Lavajack - If an appropriately strong material could be found - some sort of adamantine or mythril, perhaps - it could serve as the skin for a -jack made from molten lava. Depending on the outer structure, the body itself may be incredibly hot to the touch, giving 3rd degree burns to any that get near it. The downside, of course, is that such -jacks are short lived: either the material in the skin would gradually melt, or the lava would harden into stone.
Coinjack - What better way for a mage to guard her treasure than to have the treasure guard itself? -jacks made of coins could be easily disguised in regular treasure holds to keep an eye on the loot within. Joints would likely have to be constructed, but coinage could easily be welded on to appear as stacks of booty. In a proper storage area, these -jacks would need very little maintenance and could certainly haunt a royal tomb.
Ropejack - Rope is already a common, useful, and cheap material. Why not -jack it up? Flexibility and joints are not a problem, but rigidity would have to be taken into account; a wooden skeleton might do the trick. A ropejack would have a great reach, allowing it to scale just about anything. As an alternative, how about a chainjack? Go to Comment
Very nice! Far more interesting than some Warhammer 20K race variations and the like. If you needed to add anything, it would be some details about their ships. Do Salvorathan favor certain starship designs? It seems they'd want specifically something that doesn't use artificial gravity, but I wonder if there's historically certain ships they prefer to use.
You mentioned "a small pressurizing organ allows an extremely limited form of natural rocket propulsion". I'm curious: where is that located and what does it look like? Though I'm sure it wasn't your intention, I'm picturing flatulent dwarves rocketing themselves through space... Go to Comment
Young and spry, Danphir has the appearance of a champion swimmer or runner. Despite his lithe and athletic appearance, he stands statuesque, as though he struggles to maintain his posturing. Straw blond hair is combed, parted, and waxed to perfection while steely blue eyes peer out from his narrow face. He is taller than most but seems to not quite fit into his body, like a child trying to appear as a man. When he speaks, it is eloquent, brief, and persuasive, his half-boyish tone seeming to add weight to his words. Always on the edge of fashion, he is dressed in the sharpest and newest styles, not quite a dandy but certainly a cut above the common rabble.
Family and Life
Heir to the famous Bowerblade fortune, Danphir has had little choice in his career path. His parents, Salqueth and Adolina, have groomed him from birth to be a "true Bowerblade": a vicious, scheming, and ever-so-gentlemanly politician and businessman. As a boy, he was tutored by only the brightest scholars; in his youth, he graduated valedictorian at the Riversmouth University. No one would ever doubt Danphir is bright. But unfortunately, he never has filled the Bowerblade mold.
Danphir's trouble seems that he is in fact too intelligent and ambitious. Even from boyhood, he has always recognized people treat him different only because of his name, a fact that has ever plagued his conscious. The corruption of his family, especially that of his late grandfather Korzen Bowerblade, was never a mystery despite his relative's attempts to disguise or excuse it. Danphir wants nothing of the conniving political life; he would much rather become an explorer and chart the unknown world. He dares not voice this opinion, though: his parents would be devastated, then furious. In spite of his will, Danphir feels loyalty to his family and tries to play the unnatural roles of statesman and magnate.
Placed by his family in town to overthrow the Ranulphens' business domination, Danphir has had only marginal success. He has started a number of businesses and guilds, mostly retail and one carpentry association, and has managed to land a position as senior town clerk. Salqueth and Adolina, however, demand more of their son. Couriers from the capital frequent the town, always bearing the same message to Danphir: Why aren't you mayor of that damned town yet? Thus he continues struggling to take influence from Sir Midian and his cohorts. He is a closet philanthropist as well: under a pseudonym, he created the Renewal Foundation, a group dedicated to getting town beggars and poor farmers on their feet. His parents would certainly throw a fit if they found he was wasting money on such things.
Strangely, he is still a bachelor. Danphir's parents are quite ready to have grandchildren and raise them as the next generation of Bowerblades, new heirs to the empire. There's another trouble with that, too: Danphir has fallen head-over-heels for Midian's niece Ailsa. When Gavin Llawkeeper married her, Danphir fell into depression and sadness. He has recovered somewhat, but still pines for that which he cannot have.
Aside from the myriad treasures of any wealthy man, Danphir does have one powerful tool: the signet ring of the Bowerblade family. Documents marked with this seal immediately gain priority in political circles all throughout the kingdom, and beyond. Any request sent to a family member or consociate, sealed with this signet, are sure to be answered quickly and without question.
Everyone in town knows Danphir Bowerblade, and all have opinions of him. Most businesses in the town are likely to be owned either by him or by Midian of Ranulphens, and price and customer competition between the two may lead to aggressive business promotions. PCs might run into Danphir if they deal with town politics, or they may even know some of his more famous and powerful relatives elsewhere in the land. If they know he is a humanitarian - as some in the Renewal Foundation may accidently leak - Danphir might even be willing to fund them if he thinks their quest is admirable. Go to Comment