Very nice. The details are what really make this. It also feels like an authentic progression of history and Western military somehow. Can't quite put my finger on it... Maybe that the ships are named after admirals? Dunno, but I definately like it. Go to Comment
Seems like a very classic "Religious zeal turns to violent crusade" plot. There's a lot of detail, but I'm not getting a "feel" for these characters. Maybe that was part of your point, that in war there's no individuals just factions. There's certainly an interesting feel to this whole war, though. Go to Comment
It definately has a lot going for it, very interesting concepts on race and religion. It just seems to be lacking something, though...
It's like you've got a skeleton and musculature, but there needs to be a little skin. The sub itself is a little hard to follow with the formatting. I feel like there should be a few more details about these factions as well.
Overall, a 4.0 You've definately got something, it just needs a bit more to make it great. Go to Comment
Lavajack - If an appropriately strong material could be found - some sort of adamantine or mythril, perhaps - it could serve as the skin for a -jack made from molten lava. Depending on the outer structure, the body itself may be incredibly hot to the touch, giving 3rd degree burns to any that get near it. The downside, of course, is that such -jacks are short lived: either the material in the skin would gradually melt, or the lava would harden into stone.
Coinjack - What better way for a mage to guard her treasure than to have the treasure guard itself? -jacks made of coins could be easily disguised in regular treasure holds to keep an eye on the loot within. Joints would likely have to be constructed, but coinage could easily be welded on to appear as stacks of booty. In a proper storage area, these -jacks would need very little maintenance and could certainly haunt a royal tomb.
Ropejack - Rope is already a common, useful, and cheap material. Why not -jack it up? Flexibility and joints are not a problem, but rigidity would have to be taken into account; a wooden skeleton might do the trick. A ropejack would have a great reach, allowing it to scale just about anything. As an alternative, how about a chainjack? Go to Comment
Very nice! Far more interesting than some Warhammer 20K race variations and the like. If you needed to add anything, it would be some details about their ships. Do Salvorathan favor certain starship designs? It seems they'd want specifically something that doesn't use artificial gravity, but I wonder if there's historically certain ships they prefer to use.
You mentioned "a small pressurizing organ allows an extremely limited form of natural rocket propulsion". I'm curious: where is that located and what does it look like? Though I'm sure it wasn't your intention, I'm picturing flatulent dwarves rocketing themselves through space... Go to Comment