I don't think it's bad, really. I just don't quite know what to do with it. For one, my Kobaldi is a little rusty, so interpreting what it all means requires some inferencing. For another, I like to have something to hang my gaming hat on - a plot or some other thing that suggests how I can implement it into a game or storyline.
As is, I think it does better as a stub. But I think it does have potential to be subbified with a little more scaffolding and support. Go to Comment
A fine idea. Reading this makes me think about how I actually vote on subs. I think writing subs like this is a challenge for some (read: me), as some (I) tend to springboard from "fluff" to "stuff". A worthy challenge.
Welcome to the Citadel, Brutus! Thanks for your subs.
Just a heads up about our little operation. There's a few things we always want to see in subs: playability, detailed descriptions, reasonable backstories, good grammar. Punctuation and grammar is a *must* with us. I suggest running your sub through a spellchecker before you post it (there's one on the submission page, if you don't feel like using your word processor). I'd like to talk to you about your content, but honestly I'm afraid I can't read it due to lack of punctuation and spelling :) Start by running that sucker through a spellchecker, and we'll go from there.
A great example of a a plot can be found in Manfred's "To Die For Love." Perhaps that will give you a good idea on how a plot sub should look.
Again, welcome to the Citadel! Hope to see more from you, and to comment on your completed sub soon! Go to Comment
In like with what Echo and Val said, in a lot of ways this is a slightly more elaborate divine template for a pantheon rather than a fully fleshed out one. But as is, I find it both useful and creative. Go to Comment
I think I expected this to be made from an actual carapace. From reading the sub, I gather it's supposed to be nonmechanized armor in an era of mechanized armors? That makes it kind of neat, and the details work well. Go to Comment
One of the camels in the caravan trips over a dark rock protruding from the sandy dunes. The poor animal has broken its leg and cannot continue. A cacaphony ensues as the animal suffers and the caravan train overseers complain passionately as they redistribute the animal's load across the caravan. (Let's just hope none of the PC's was riding this camel, shall we?)
As the camel is put out of its misery and the camel is skewered over a campfire - waste nothing! - someone takes a minute to inspect the root cause of all the trouble. To their surprise, the upturned rock is worked stone. Some frantic digging may excavate the bottom half of a gorgeously worked1 obelisk, and maybe even the small square forum below; but a more rigorous exploration of the surrounding dunes reveals a buried tomb doorway on each side of the forum.