I agree with Pieh -- this sub is short enough to include as part of a 30s list, but almost too short to stand on its own. The one thing that stood out for me was the idea that the crossbow bolts could be aimed at pressure plates which will activate secondary traps. Subtleness like that appeals to me. Welcome to the Citadel!
I rather like this. Having a second stave that mirrors one's motions could be a really nifty combat trick. At the very least, the second stave would be causing general mayhem about 10 ft away while you engage an opponent directly. Just watch out for friendly fire.
A question: you mention at the beginning that this is a work in progress, so do you want people to vote on it yet? I've read the whole thing, and it's pretty obvious that this is a first draft, though I expected that from a NanoWrimo work. I'm sure that you already know it needs a lot of work -- spelling, reformatting (especially within the speech bits) to be more easily read, etc.
Are your characters and plot sourced from a game that you GMed? I ask because the plot revolving around Orsk and Cortant inspires disbelief at many places. The rebel force captured them, held them for 4 days, then offered to let Orsk draw up their battle plans? Improbable situations like that make sense during game time, but would leave a fantasy audience skeptical.
Let's see, what I liked . . . I appreciated some of the little details you added to make Orsk and Cortant seem more lifelike. For instance, remembering that Orsk was wearing plate when he fell overboard, and seeing him desperately trying to get it off before it drowned him lent a touch of believability to that whole scene. And giving the mule a name was also a nice touch.
I will withhold my vote for now.
Entertaining, though it makes me wish that there was a GM explanation for the cause of the annual outbreak and for where the zombies go in the meantime. Something along the lines of "here are all the speculations, but this is what REALLY happens".
I guess that it's my responsibility as the GM to pick one from the list you provided, or come up with one of my own . . . but I want to know!
Posts like this are truly inspiring. The piece is brilliantly written, and leaves me saddened that it's presence in a game would likely be limited to a brief mention. The more I read of your work, Scrasamax, the greater my respect for you as a writer grows.
Honestly, I think this is a kick-ass lifeform with a lot of potential. Could you imagine how cool one of these would be as a familiar? I wonder if you could transplant a bunch of the critters into the silver railings/walls/engravings etc of a castle or other fortress? Thinking about a bunch of snakes swimming through the silver walls and popping out to blind the party just brings a smile to my face. Also cool -- a wizard's staff made of silver. He pounds it on the ground to startle the snakes, and they surface to make the blinding attack (the wizard wears goggles and has developed an immunity to their poison).
If you were to add anything to this, it would be to expand on this base concept. Like Mourn suggested, why not create some other mineral critters? Gold salamanders, copper fish, etc. That or expand on the properties of the metals themselves.Go to Comment
Oh, here's another idea: why not tie these things into the mythology we were working on awhile ago? These snakes could be one of the ways that the Goldin King or Silver Queen tried to extend their influence underground, where their light could not normally go. Since you were going for a powerful light effect, anyway, connecting them to a couple of light-centric deities might not hurt.Go to Comment