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30 Prophecies
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-23 10:49 PM
I meant "prophets" in a more figurative sense, actually. My thought was that if enough Strolenites contribute to this list, as I hope they do, we will end up with prophecies that have many different styles/voices/themes etc. -- which is what you would expect from a standard book of prophecies that has more than one author. So, Strolenites, let your inner "prophet" come into the light!

p.s. Looking forward to your 30 Prophets list, Mourn. Go to Comment
30 Prophecies
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Dossta's comment on 2011-03-14 10:04 AM


Hark ye sinners and beware!  Beware for the dragon shall come to visit judgement upon you all!  Know him by the companions he keeps, for He who walks with the falcon, the serpent and the lion loves each and commands them all.  Beware, beware, for the time of judgment is nigh!


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30 Prophecies
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Dossta's comment on 2011-03-14 10:15 AM


When the Maiden comes to Ellishae, hands bound with a length of red cord, be mirthful and rejoice!  For with Her sacrifice, the Plague of a Thousand Years shall be ended.  Let the fires consume Her flesh and kindle new hope within the hearts of men, for the gods shall love this gift, and love the people who offer it in turn.


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Sonorous Aquaticus: The Beasts of Thunder Reef
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-22 02:15 PM


My hat's off to you, sir, for this clever twist on two separate posts.  Sound has always been a fascinating medium to me, and discord can be just as potent as harmony.  As an exercise, how would you feel about a joint effort to expand both subs?  I will consider your reef and add at least one idea, in the hopes that you will do the same for my woods. 


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Sonorous Aquaticus: The Beasts of Thunder Reef
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-22 02:52 PM


Agitato Dragons -



Agitato dragons bear a strong resemblance to sea horses, and are considered bad luck by the locals.  Like magpies of the sea, these palm-sized water-dragons spend their time scouring Thunder Reef for unguarded thunder jewels to add to their watery hoards.  Often seen carrying (or dragging) a jewel in its long, prehensile tail, these critters cause no end of trouble for divers and sailors alike.  For one, the silly creatures startle easily -- any unexpected noise (of which there are many),  forbidding entity (ship, diver, predator), or large shadow (even their own!) will cause them to drop the jewel to the sea floor with a resounding boom.  As if this weren't bad enough, the tiny pests can build up a dangerous cache of thunder jewels that can stun wildlife within a mile-wide radius, and even sink small vessels if allowed to go off.  For this reason, sea merchants who must pass through Thunder Reef regularly will hire brave (or deaf) souls to seek out these hidden caches and disarm them.

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Denizens of the Chill Squall
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-22 01:26 PM


Those are some of the most interesting spiders that I've ever come across -- cold loving, communal and (to some extent) nurturing are not qualities normally associated with arachnids.  I will second Echo, though, and say that the intro is a tad long.  Good for flavor, but it doesn't disseminate the pertinent bits quickly enough for my tastes.  Don't get me wrong; it is definitely well-written, but could be condensed, perhaps.


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The Saintmakers
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (City/ Ruin)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-22 12:37 PM


You know a submission is good when:



a)  It brings an evil smile to your face



b)  You can think of at least 10 ways to use it off the top of your head



c)  It leaves you wanting more



This is a fantastic sub on all three counts, and is very well-written to boot.  The only thing I would nitpick on is what Pieh already mentioned -- the floating body parts are not compelling enough to me.  I would probably not give them any "natural" form.  If forced to lower their assumed disguise, their appearance would shift rapidly between all of the "victims" whose thoughts they have consumed, with flashes of the Empress and Kharn- Salog reappearing most frequently throughout.  5/5


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The Gurgleplatt Coven
Dungeons  (Swamp)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-22 11:56 AM


A very solid adventure, especially with the added detail in the comments.  One question: shouldn't the optional room 7 be between rooms 3 and 5, rather than between rooms 2 and 5?  I, too, liked the  "oh crap" moment with the burning chest -- that and the chance for the players to see a dragon in an early adventure and still come out of it alive propels this from a solid 3 post to a 4 for me.  Great job!


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Thunderstones
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-18 03:53 PM


There is so much unrealized potential in this submission!  The basic concept is solid, but the history is convoluted and requires some editing for clarity.  This sentence, for example: "The animal died, along with Trueno, a hunter was watching the incident, not believing what he saw, he knew Trueno, but didn't care for morals."  Too much happens here for it to be coherent -- it should probably be split into at least two sentences (one about Trueno and the animal, one to introduce the hunter).  Before submitting, try reading your sub aloud and you will catch things like this.



A few things that didn't make sense:




  1. Trueno was a farmer, so how did he "imbue stones with magic"?  Was he a retired wizard, or a magical creature in disguise?


  2. How did he end up mortally wounded from the stones he created?  That must have been one hell of a freak accident.


  3. How did Trueno's widow a) know that the hunter stole the stones, b) track the hunter down in order to kill him?  And why did she kill him anyway?  Wasn't the animal responsible for his death?



There are some bright spots.  Small, magical animals that terrorize a farm?  I'd love to hear those described.  Bet they have some really nifty sonic attacks if they were the original creators for thunderstones.  The maniacally laughing animal is a good mental image -- I'm seeing a fox here, but I'm guessing you have something else in mind.



This sub has some real promise but desperately needs some more editing and fleshing out.  Good job though; I can see that your subs are improving overall.


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Corpsefall
Locations  (World)   (Desert)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-18 06:00 PM


Like it a lot, but I can't help but noting that this universe would be suitable only for carnivores.  Humans and other omnivores generally require some additional vitamins from plants to keep functioning.  Or are some of the falling corpses plant-like?


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The Singing Wood
Locations  (Area)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-14 01:41 PM
Update: Please feel free to add ideas to this list, as I'm sure there are many other musical flora and fauna that could find a home here. If there are any existing submissions that fit, I would consider making this into a codex. Go to Comment
The Singing Wood
Locations  (Area)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-15 01:14 PM
Update: Changing this to a codex. Go to Comment
The Singing Wood
Locations  (Area)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-22 02:28 PM


@Redgre & Pieh:



I admit that I probably got a bit carried away when detailing this place.  I understand what you mean about it being somewhat purposeless, but am at a loss for how to fix it at this time -- my creative muse is fickle.  If either of you could make some suggestions to help me significantly improve this piece, I would be happy to credit you.



In reality, this piece was intended as background for a race of people that I haven't finished yet and was planning to submit later.  Perhaps I will add them here after all . . .  As for novel writing; I'd like to one day, so thanks for the encouragement. =)

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Harvester of Eyes
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Religious)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-15 01:13 PM


I agree with Strolen, that this would be a bit difficult to fit into an existing campaign, but I think that it could make a fun stand-alone adventure.  The imagery of this one is great, and I can see Brent singing the song you posted.


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Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-18 10:09 AM
I waffled over what to name the deities when I first did this piece. Like sverigesson, I really love Norse mythology, so I kind of just went with it. Upon reflection, however, I don't want to misrepresent an existing mythology -- especially not one for which I have such high regard. Changed the names to something more neutral. Go to Comment
Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-09 04:03 PM


This is my first lifeform, and is meant for the Monsters quest.  Thanks for reading!


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Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-10 01:26 PM
That was exactly the intention I had when writing this, but I may have obscured it a bit. When I write about the party of "mercenaries" that was captured, I was thinking "adventuring party", but didn't think that Brother Jonas would use that language.

You're right that this method requires extreme care -- just trying to mindwipe a wizard without removing years worth of study would require that they keep the subject extremely focused on only the "right" sort of memory. Much more of an art than a science.

Glad you liked it! Go to Comment
Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-10 01:45 PM


Some (unscrupulous) governments practice selective use of memory moths on state enemies (usually before banishment).  Memory eradication may even extend to some individuals they wish to protect, such as retired spies and other intelligence officers.  Usage of the larvae in this way is generally easier, as the retired officer often understands the necessity and will willingly self-direct their thoughts to all aspects of their service.  They will often remember most of the mundane details of these years, including their cover job, but not the intrigue.


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Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-13 10:55 AM
Huh. >.> . . . <.< . . . I can fix this.

"When Munnin aided Hel in altering the moths, he unwittingly unleashed his own Achilles Heel on the world -- his Kryptonite, if you will. Being the living personification of memory, Munnin would be especially vulnerable to the moth's attack ( as they cause the "death of memory"). So, while any other deity would have little problem with killing/disabling the moths, Munnin would be in serious trouble.

With this in mind, let's return to the story. When Munnin saw what was happening to Hilde's memories, my guess is that he would first try picking the moths off with his hands, especially if he was panicked and had not yet guessed at the danger. Once touching Munnin, the moths would begin to paralyze him, as they do with all of their victims. Being a god, Munnin would have had a little time to ensure Hilde's safety before losing his ability to move. But, as the moths were able to weaken Munnin so effectively, he could only make limited changes before succumbing to paralysis.

He made two changes to the moths -- keying them to the one who's blood they were exposed to (thus ensuring that they could be handled safely by anyone but the intended victim). He also altered their appetites slightly, making it possible for him to retain a part of himself."

Redgre, if this convinces you then I will edit it into the main submission. If not, I would appreciate some input on how to fix this. If that is getting rid of the creation myth altogether, then I will do that, but I'd much rather make it work.

Thank you for the invaluable feedback. Go to Comment
Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2010-11-17 06:31 PM
Update: Changed the names of the gods, and tidied up the creation myth following Redgre's advice. Go to Comment
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