Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Other)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-23 11:19 AM

A hauntingly beautiful flower.  I would love to see more on the magical, alchemical, or necromatic uses for such a flower, but that would really be like adding icing to an already superb submission.  The reproductive cycle is still a little implausible to my mind -- it would make more sense for the flowers to offer something that attracts the ravens & crows back to the battlefield, so that the seeds may be deposited directly and have a much better chance of success.  Other than that, well done!

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Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Underground)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-22 11:55 AM

Cockroaches + bats?  Ewww.  Good little nasty beasties to send after some human feasties.  Perhaps a bit too challenging for lowbies while they're swarming, but they'd make a great addition to any horror-themed plot.

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The Singing Mines
Locations  (Other)   (Mountains)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-22 11:38 AM

A good, solid location to use for a lowbie adventure or two, though not a brilliant one.  Aside from the singing noise (which I really liked), the mine doesn't really strike me as an interesting or unusual location, which is probably why it feels like something is missing here.  The dangers you included are helpful and logical -- just not horribly original.

It's hard to think of new plot hooks that revolve around a mine, but it would be nice to see a few here.  It would give us a better understanding of your vision for the place.  Adding in some NPCs, terrain hazards and other unique features would also help to spice it up.

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The Black Circus of Mortuel
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-29 11:02 PM

I cannot say enough good things about this sub.  The deity, the assassins' guild & their equipment would have all made fine subs on their own!  I especially liked the Marionette strings and the mythos/motivations of the Laughing God and his cult.

If I could think of one thing to improve or expand upon (in maybe another sub), it would be to have a little more detail on the circus itself.  Simply because I like circuses, especially ones with a nice, dark theme.  Could be a great writeup for a 5-room dungeon, the goal being to uncover the truth about the Angels, retrieve a killing contract before it's handed over to them, etc.

5/5, and my patented "Smashing Sub of the Day" award.  Have an HoH as well!

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Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Defining)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-06 12:45 PM

Perhaps consider breaking this up into two different articles -- one that expands on Toothsit and the other on Curthus.  You could then expand them into full location subs, adding plot hooks, NPCs and other reasons to base adventures in those locales.  Or, you could simply leave them as impressions.  Curthus is a good candidate for a "City Image" article (look up the originals by MoonHunter for ideas).

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Rings of Mutual Exclusion
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-01 01:18 AM

A set of these could easily be cursed or altered so that they are not removeable by the wearer.  If I ever wanted to break up my pair of intrepid adventurers for awhile, this would be a good trick to pull.

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Mercurial Chain Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-01 01:05 AM

Reminds me of an anime weapon I've seen -- Renji's sword from Bleach.  It's cool to see the concept realized in a semi-realistic manner, rather than just "by magic."  Kudos.

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Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-01 12:57 AM

I'm not sure how the Skirrin would have evolved the strength and/or skull thickness to forcefully ram their way through obstacles in the deep ocean.  Other than that, this is a lovely bit of flavor to add to a campaign.

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Apportation Research
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - In General)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-01 12:46 AM

An excellent little mystery.  I wonder what the significance of East vs. West was in the end?  I'm really looking forward to your next submission on the subject.

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Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-01 12:08 AM

There's a large draw to this submission.  A vastid-contaminated water source would be a perfect test for those of druidic or clerical sensibilities, and could be a coveted research location for a wizard or scholar.  My only suggestions are to clean up the formatting (as PoisonAlchemist suggested) and to add some plot hooks at the end to help a GM immediately throw this into his/her game as a side quest.  That's would just be icing though -- well done!

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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-28 11:21 PM

This is an exquisite item, and a very original weapon.  However, I feel that the item itself could use a little more description, and the backstory as written is really confusing.  Who is Gen?  Who is the lady that Devorak falls in love with during exile?  And what did Hestor mean to him anyway?  The dialog is good, but there is just not enough context given to allow comprehension of the major events.  I love this item, but will withold my vote for awhile to give you the chance to clear up or remove the backstory.

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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-29 04:02 PM
You don't have to do anything "more traditional" -- I liked the dialogue a lot! I just didn't feel like I had the context to understand it all, and so missed a good part of the story. And that was disappointing because I greatly enjoyed the parts I did understand :) Go to Comment
The Penitent Sea
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-28 11:28 PM

A good central concept for a believable sailors' purgatory.  I agree that it could be rewritten slightly for greater clarity, but it didn't bother me that much.  I wonder how intelligent the crabs are -- they almost seem like a sort of celestial being in disguise.  Overall, well done :)  Definitely consider submitting this to AG's A New Take on Hell.

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Falcon Coins
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-28 02:31 PM
Exactly! Which is why I'm interested in hearing more about the minting & distribution process. It doesn't sound like these coins are as rare a sight as I would assume any enchanted currency to be. If I were going to include this in my world (and I'm sorely tempted to), I'd want to iron out some of those issues ahead of time. Go to Comment
Falcon Coins
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-29 11:41 AM
Holy crap. A culture that uses these commonly would be open to all kinds of exploit attacks. The coins are generally trusted, so victims wouldn't question the legitimacy of the coin until it was too late. What about imitator coins that are fashioned or enchanted to look like the real thing, but are actually full of explosives? What about coins that have had their edges sharpened and are altered to hit the person in the eye? It would take just ONE high profile attack like this for the currency to be banned outright. Go to Comment
Falcon Coins
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-26 06:01 PM

Bloody brilliant.  I have to wonder though at the culture that routinely enchants common currency.  The image of vast clouds of glittering coins zooming from one end of the kingdom to another is mind-bendingly cool, but that is a LOT of wizards to employ at the royal mint.  Still, what better way to emphasize the wealth and grandeur of a city than to show it all, swirling just out of reach?

But here's a puzzler: if the coins avoid obstacles, why would flying be dangerous?  Shouldn't they just part around the flying object and go on their merry way?

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The Arbiter - Two-Bladed Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-29 11:47 AM

You have a good point there, one that I missed because I haven't used an intelligent item in game yet. I must say, the idea of a sword turning on the wielder because of a disagreement in ethics just makes me smile. I'd be sorely tempted to give this sword a bit of a . . . caustic personality as well, one that makes the player almost relieved when they part company after the big bad is dealt with.

Does anyone else think that an Intelligent Items quest would be a good idea?  I'm perversely interested to see what deviousness the rest of the Citadel would come up with.

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The Arbiter - Two-Bladed Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-26 07:08 PM

Welcome, OmegaDraco, and congratulations on your first submission.  I personally found the item stats to be a useful addition, but agree that the comments section is the best place for them on this site.  It's a very flavorful item, and I definitely give you full marks for the backstory and the descriptive writing.

However, I'm always a little leery of uber powerful items like this one.  If I were going to use this in my campaign, I would either take out its ability to transform the user into a crystal dragon (except under very special circumstances), or find a way for the Arbiter to leave the player's possession after awhile.

Summary: this is a good, solid submission (3.0) + 0.5 for the added stats.

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Classified Genetic Material
Items  (Other)   (Campaign Defining)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-22 05:57 PM

Extremely useable?  Check.  Spawns new ideas?  Double-check.  Good enough to be a quest?  Check.  All in all, a great, quality submission.  I'll have to stew on this one for awhile, but I can already feel the idea-germs bubbling away inside my cranium.

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Prophets and Sorcerers
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-26 05:50 PM

You know, I really like the concept here.  It isn't wildly different from your standard demonic pact, but I don't really mind.  I like how you took a relatively simple idea (sorcerous magic comes from a possessing spirit) and really fleshed it out to fit within your world.  Well done, and thanks for the enjoyable read.

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Join Now!!

Ringworld-based game , anyone

       By: Kawaresksenjajok

hey im new to this site but was here years ago w/ another name. anyways dont remember so im newbie by default.
Firstly, I am a sci-fi reader and I hope to meet success with my writing.
My favorite series of books are Larry Nivens RINGWORLD tetralogy (Ringworld, RingWorld Engineers, The RingWorld Throne, and RingWorlds Children)
For those that havnt read the ring world is the greatest artificial structere ever discovered.
A ring, its circumference equal to earths orbit, it is built around a sol-like star. Shadow squares halfway betwwn the ring and the sun provide 15 hours of night in a thirty hour day. 70 days equals one falan (one full rotation of ring world. The inner surface-the one exposed to the sun, is terraformed and is one millionkmwide cntrifugal force provides gravity, and rim walls 1000km high keep the atmosphere in. Population of RNH(ringworld native hominids)
estimated in the trillions.
The origins of who built it and why are too sticky to get into. But the ringworld , millions of years ago, was populated bt A race called Pak Protectors. Protectors are ancestors of all homo sapiens. they populated ringworld with homo erectus, but left no predators in the ecology. hence, hominids evolved into every ecological niche. (Vampires, Carrion Eaters, Giant Herbivores, Small Carnivores, some built great technologies and went interstellar. Oh, and ringworld is 300 million times the surface area of earth. post if youre interested, Ill elabortae on native species and alien vistors

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