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Moradin's Piece
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Sentient)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-08 12:34 PM


Love this gun.  I imagine that one would feel the full weight of their new responsibility the moment they picked it up, as heavy as it is.  If you could clean up the first paragraph a little, that would help (e.g. "Piece of Moradin" instead of "Peace of Moradin", and it looks like you're missing a word in the first sentence somewhere).  Would this gun accept a bearer of a different race, as long as he was acting in the interests of the dwarves?  Or is this a dwarf-only thing?


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New NuOrleans
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2012-10-10 11:30 AM
Another excellent piece, Scras. The only question I have is what powers the whole thing? This sounds like it was created before the Second Renaissance and it's (fusion?) technology. Your arcology sub tells me that it probably has a series of small power plants, but not what fuel those plants use in an age with no petroleum. Ocean thermal energy conversion would seem to be a pretty good fit for this particular city, but I'm interested to hear what you envisioned when writing it. Go to Comment
Biter, the Insatiable
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-08 11:26 AM


Now there's a weapon with personality!  Love the flavor of this piece.  I'm sorely tempted to use it one day, if I find the right PC to weild it.


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Howard's Haliberd
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-08 12:11 PM


I rather like this one.  For the sake of identifying it, however, I would probably add a small thing to the Appearance section.  Perhaps "Sparky's" initials or family crest etched into the blade somewhere.  Otherwise, it's possible that the haliberd could have been lost or stolen sometime during Howard's service and he wouldn't have known the difference.


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Laughter of the Fallen
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Cursed)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-08 12:22 PM


Reminds me of hylandpad's Cult of Mortuel, to an extent.  I like the striking appearance, and the benefits are actually quite good.  Just tempting enough to offset the drawbacks . . . at least for a time.


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Hammer of the Dark
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-08 12:02 PM


An interesting twist, though I would like the effect to be a little less random.  I also wonder how exactly one "uses" the effect.  There doesn't seem to be a command word -- simply grabbing it seems to be enough -- but how is it triggered?  By anger, fear?  Either way, very nice backstory, and I also appreciate that you used a hammer.  There are simply not enough magic hammers around!


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Olla-Taur The White Fang
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-08 01:11 PM


A staff of nevermelting ice is already pretty dang cool, so adding in dragon lore just ices the cake for me.  I would like to know a little more about the item's creation, and the lore section could be cleaned up a bit, but other than that this is a great sub.  Well done!


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The Gemini Blade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-11 03:35 PM


Interesting.  I would like to know how the PC is supposed to learn the passphrase to activate the sword, though.  Perhaps it can be inscribed upon the blade?  Or does the peddler mention this fact?


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The Sword of Angradhat
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-11-11 03:52 PM


As magic swords go, this one is nicely balanced, and has great potential to inspire theatrics and roleplaying.


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How To Create Great Magic Items In Just Three Minutes
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Game Mastering)
Dossta's comment on 2012-05-04 12:20 PM

A great template, with very practical advice.  Used it many times myself and I was always pleased with the results.

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Tager
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2011-12-22 04:54 PM


You know, growing a new suit of flesh is both brilliant and icky.  I'd like to know a little more about the bonding process and about the end result, eventually.


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Maj. Rielle Law
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Travelers)
Dossta's comment on 2011-12-22 05:23 PM


You've got a really solid start here -- I especially liked the intro in her own "voice".  I'd want a bit more before popping her into a game, though.  Adding in some motivations and a brief personality outline, for example, would help.


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Sir Frederick Herman Welker
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
Dossta's comment on 2011-10-12 07:23 AM


This is definitely a solid, believable character.  The only thing that jarred with me was how anyone could perceive such a competent figure to be a half-wit -- shouldn't his position with the military or with the Church be enough to dispell that?  I also wish I knew a bit more about his goals & motivations, dreams, fears, etc.  Those little things that help bring an NPC to life.  His attitudes, skillset and history, however, are very well done.


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Prince Aloysius Ulman
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Dossta's comment on 2011-10-12 07:31 AM


I agree -- splendidly done.  The plot hooks are good enough to provide fuel for a mini campaign of sorts.  I would love to see a party remain loyal to him throughout though, and work to find a cure for his paranoia even as he has them hunted through the hills.


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The Unhinged Prince
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Political)
Dossta's comment on 2011-10-12 07:43 AM


Have a 5.  I can't find anything that this submission lacks.  The NPC was a joy to read, and you expounded enough upon the template that I can easily see applying the same tricks to almost anyone of royal or noble birth.  Well done!


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Sylvan Incubus Tree
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-23 01:33 PM


I have a druid in my group who often spurns buying rations at the towns or cities she comes across, preferring instead to forage.  This would be an extremely nasty surprise, especially when she ventures into stranger and stranger lands, encountering all sorts of fruit she's never seen before . . .



For my purposes, I'd probably make the "fruit" not deadly in and of itself, but merely a powerful sleeping agent.  Otherwise . . . well, my party's average will save isn't all that great and I'd rather not achieve a TPK.  Yet.


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Haemorosa
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Other)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-23 10:19 AM


A hauntingly beautiful flower.  I would love to see more on the magical, alchemical, or necromatic uses for such a flower, but that would really be like adding icing to an already superb submission.  The reproductive cycle is still a little implausible to my mind -- it would make more sense for the flowers to offer something that attracts the ravens & crows back to the battlefield, so that the seeds may be deposited directly and have a much better chance of success.  Other than that, well done!


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Fler
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Underground)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-22 10:55 AM


Cockroaches + bats?  Ewww.  Good little nasty beasties to send after some human feasties.  Perhaps a bit too challenging for lowbies while they're swarming, but they'd make a great addition to any horror-themed plot.


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The Singing Mines
Locations  (Other)   (Mountains)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-22 10:38 AM


A good, solid location to use for a lowbie adventure or two, though not a brilliant one.  Aside from the singing noise (which I really liked), the mine doesn't really strike me as an interesting or unusual location, which is probably why it feels like something is missing here.  The dangers you included are helpful and logical -- just not horribly original.



It's hard to think of new plot hooks that revolve around a mine, but it would be nice to see a few here.  It would give us a better understanding of your vision for the place.  Adding in some NPCs, terrain hazards and other unique features would also help to spice it up.


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The Black Circus of Mortuel
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Dossta's comment on 2011-09-29 10:02 PM


I cannot say enough good things about this sub.  The deity, the assassins' guild & their equipment would have all made fine subs on their own!  I especially liked the Marionette strings and the mythos/motivations of the Laughing God and his cult.



If I could think of one thing to improve or expand upon (in maybe another sub), it would be to have a little more detail on the circus itself.  Simply because I like circuses, especially ones with a nice, dark theme.  Could be a great writeup for a 5-room dungeon, the goal being to uncover the truth about the Angels, retrieve a killing contract before it's handed over to them, etc.



5/5, and my patented "Smashing Sub of the Day" award.  Have an HoH as well!


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