This is a good start. When reading this, I thought of about a dozen questions that I would want answered if I was a PC in this environment. Here are a few:
1. Emergency procedures. What happens in the event of a natural disaster, hull breach etc? Are the prisoners left to drown, or would there be an opportunity to escape?
2. The elevator can't really be the only way to move between levels, right? Otherwise, what happens when the power goes out?
3. If 5 of the maximum security cells are occupied, it'd be neat to have a list of those inmates' names and what they were in for. Are they gang leaders? I bet there are lots of stories/legends circulating about them on the prison floor, so having that info would be nice.
To be honest, you lost me at "Mermaid Nookie". Some of these items are quite creative, especially in the weapons section, but most are pretty average. The gifts of "gold coins" or "caviar", for example, would probably already be on most GMs' minds, and so they add little to this sub. Try to focus on creating more unique gifts -- like the fresh water pearl or the dolphin mounts. Things that other people wouldn't immediately think of.
P.S. Suggesting Enya's music for the mermaid concert was a great call.
Agreed, this is a great write-up and an entertaining read (though most of your subs are). Not that I'm complaining, really, but would merfolk of any kind really have breasts? Perhaps the dolphinkind (being mammals) would, but it just struck me that the greentails and the Cecaelias probably have no need for them.
I simply loved this piece. The writing, the atmosphere -- it really makes me want to use it one day. I can imagine a religion springing up around Lojcrelt, some sort of "cult of the universe" whose sages seek an audience with the Wisdom. Too bad it sounds like they'd never return after achieving enlightenment. Overall, a Teller's Stone sounds like a worthy quest goal and provides plenty of motivation to seek it out. Once again, I tip my hat to you, sir!
I like the fact that there are two levels effectively named "Complex 2" -- the real one and the secret one. Would make it kinda hard to communicate with others who knew about both, though. "I'm heading on over to Complex 2" vs "I'm heading on over to Complex 2 *significant look*. . . *eyebrow waggle*. . ."
Just about perfect in every way. I would love to use this prison one day. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that this is a co-ed prison -- I'd assume that only the most dangerous prisoners would be sent down to Davy Jone's Lockdown, so I would question the ability of the prison guards to keep the female prisoners' quarters inviolate. Still, this is for a fantasy game, so it doesn't have to be entirely believable.
Really, truly well done! 5/5
I also greatly enjoyed the feeling of this piece -- you did a great job of putting the creature's suffering into words. If you added just a few more things, however, this could easily go from being a good sub to a great one:
Plot hooks -- why would anyone want to go to this world? Are they biologists, intent on studying the unique life here? Were they forced to make an emergency stop for supplies or due to a ship malfunction? Is the All trying to reestablish contact with this child through intermediaries?
Other means of escape -- wrestling free through brute force is unlikely, which forces the party to reason with a semi-insane godlike being. Having no other way out (other than to dance to its whims) might annoy your gamers. Can it be tricked? Does it have a hidden weakness that they can exploit? Give us some options, please.
Possibility 4: The demon is after the players themselves, and is trying to con them into killing an innocent man. Then he can rile the town and possibly the whole area against them. If the party includes a paladin, expect there to be repercussions for spilling innocent blood -- and that of a priest, no less! For more intrigue, give the demon some accomplices in the village or in the mission itself. Perhaps a frier who stands to gain a promotion if he can frame the priest for various misdeeds.
I don't give many 5s, but this is a truly detailed and deserving sub. The only problem I have is with actually envisioning the sheer size of one of these things. You say that an arco covers several square miles of territory and then just builds up, but I'd like to know how far up. 100 stories? 1000? This is not intended as criticism -- just as a request for some visual aid to help me get this into my head.
Oh and light! If we're talking about a city-sized infrastructure packed into such a small space, I really wonder how they'd handle the lighting situation. Perhaps they'd leave a few "open-air" columns to act as interior skylights for parts of the arco? I'm guessing they'd try to use natural light to the maximum extent possible, but even mirrors and skylights can only do so much for the interior parts of the building.
If you were to add anything else to the sub, I hope it would be just a little descriptive flavor text to fuel the imagination. I really hope that you expand on this idea, and I'm seriously considering designing and submitting an arco of my own. Makes me wish we'd finished that other forum game.
Just found an article on a sort of "vertical forest" residential complex that is being built in Italy. The photos are fantastic, and I could see the outside of an arcology being planted similarly.