Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lodestone of Command
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-01 11:56 AM
Ok, with that last section this item becomes far more usable. Honestly, the points you raised there are a good discussion of mind-control magic in general, and are good tools for any GM to have. It's almost enough for a separate "Article" submission, in and of itself. In particular, having the control consume the NPC's action while leaving the PC free to make his checks on his turn is a good way to balance this.

Another couple of thoughts:
1. You can always allow the players to choose what the effects of their mind control are. Something along the lines of "You fail your willpower check. *You* tell me what happens now."

2. You could take the "suggestion" mechanic and leave it as just that -- a suggestion. E.g. "Wow, that ogre is about to trample your friend. It seems like a really good idea to leave the wizard alone and go fight him instead."

3. You could treat it more like an illusory item, something that gives the PC a false impression of the world that may lead to him doing something questionable. "This is what you see: the rogue has taken out his knife and is about to backstab your cleric. He's betraying you all!" This leaves the player in control of his character's actions, while giving you the effect you want. Go to Comment
Lodestone of Command
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2015-11-30 01:06 PM
I would hesitate to put this into a game. If used against the party, it violates the Golden Rule of GM-ing -- the player should always be in control of their own character. The GM should never take away control of a PC, even for story reasons, without the player's consent ahead of time. Mind control items and spells are always at risk of crossing this line.

This item has no time or range limit on its effect. It has no safeguards or loopholes that would allow a character to resist it. If I were to use this stone, it would be strictly against NPC allies or henchmen, and even then I would have to find some way of destroying or cursing it at the end of an encounter because I would *not* want a PC to get his hands on it afterwards.

Aside from the problematic nature of this item, the post was written reasonably well, and I enjoyed the backstory. The magnetic effect is also a neat touch. Go to Comment
Ghost Wail Pass
Locations  (Area)   (Mountains)
Dossta's comment on 2015-11-30 12:46 PM
Welcome to the Citadel, Skull. This is a very solid first post -- easily a 4 as it currently stands, both for the visuals and for the poem. What would take it over the top for me would be a further examination of the idea, with an eye towards plot hooks. Ask questions:

* Your post implies that no one has taken this road for an age, but that it is also the only good route through the mountains. What effect would that have on the southern kingdom? Has it descended into a dark age of isolation or barbarism? Or is it now a hidden font of knowledge/wisdom, inaccessible to the outside world?

* Are there travelers or merchant companies that risk the voyage? How do they survive? Are there safe havens -- caves, shrines and the like -- along the way? Or do they prevail through might of arms?

* What sort of response has this garnered from the religious authorities of your world? Has there ever been a quest to sanctify and purge this road of evil? What happened? Maybe there is a holy site in the southern kingdom, and pilgrims will occasionally risk the journey. Assuming that the church had members in the southern kingdom (or wants to send missionaries there), they would likely have a vested interest in cleansing the road. Perhaps this would be a plot hook for the party to follow.

Etc, etc. The post is great as-is, but could be something very special if you keep asking questions. Give us several situations or plot hooks that would bring an adventuring party to this location. Give us additional encounters or mini locations along the way (170 miles is a long, long way to go). Go to Comment
Legendary Chinese Horses
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-01 07:11 PM
That's a good compromise between faithfulness to the source material and the need for more detail. Good call. Go to Comment
Legendary Chinese Horses
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-01 12:12 PM
Hi Moon, withholding my vote for now because I don't think this sub is finished. I liked the names and the historical context, but these horses just need . . . more somehow. Some of the horses don't feel like they are fleshed out enough to stand on their own -- 10 through 8, and 4, in particular.

I know it would be a departure from the historical, but perhaps you could embellish on the story a bit to give each horse something that could be applied in-game. Even just notes on personality for each mount would help (I know you give this already for several of these). Another possibility would be to make this a stub. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2015-11-30 02:19 PM
Sweet stuff. I like the idea of a "broken" clone -- one with personality and feelings but no real sentience. I also appreciate the added plot hooks. When are you going to publish the setting source book? ;) Go to Comment
Articles  (Other Gaming)   (Citadel Help)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-01 12:13 PM
Will be adding to this. Still conceptualizing. Go to Comment
Cryptic Language - Crypt
Dungeons  (Any)   (Puzzles)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-01 02:54 PM
This is amazing. It could easily be made into a font file, so that people could type with it in OpenOffice or the like. I loved the attention to detail for the combination letters, and find the entire script to be beautiful.

My only quibble is the name! I was under the assumption that this was a pre-existing font that you were just re-appropriating for RPGs. This font needs a more descriptive name, something that evokes the feel of it. Also, you should definitely share this on a font or art site, so that others can find it.

Ideas for numbers: Currently, you don't have anywhere where lines intersect with circles. Perhaps could draw bisecting lines within an enclosing circle for numbers up to 5, or use nesting polyhedral shapes (within a circle?) to convey the same idea. Triangle in Square in Circle = 7. I find that alternate number systems are a lot of fun, especially if they aren't in base 10. Riven used something that was base 25:

Also, I've noticed that you use very nice graphics for your submissions. What are you using to generate them? Go to Comment
Cryptic Language - Crypt
Dungeons  (Any)   (Puzzles)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-02 12:01 PM
Here's a couple of resources, if you were going to pursue making this into a font file: -- alternate characters would be useful for DF, ST, GD, and this article does a good job explaining what they are and how they work.

There are several free font editors out there -- both downloadable and entirely online -- that will allow you to create and edit font files, though I'm not sure which ones will support the extra features you'd need.

Here's a site dedicated entirely to creating and sharing fonts, with a pretty good list of tools: Go to Comment
Machinama, a cult in Refuge Beneath the Waves
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Trans World)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-01 06:17 PM

I love cults, particularly when they are as well-defined and original as this one. I love the origin story, I love the dogma, and I love the thematic labels for everything (Gear, Cog, Professor, etc). There isn't much that needs to be improved here, content-wise, though I would suggest going over it one more time to clean up the writing and correct little inconsistencies (i.e. a shot vs a quart of motor oil during the initiation ceremony). Also, please add the "cult" and possibly the "steampunk" freetext, so that it can be found more easily.

Overall a very solid sub, one that I would be happy to place in a steam-punk or even a near-future game, with a bit of tweaking.

Go to Comment
Ellen Lancaster
NPCs  (Minor)   (Artistic/Performance)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-10 12:06 PM
Floored. I can only echo a bit of what axle said here, because this is a damned fine piece of fiction. It's a little hard to score because it's so incredibly different from a traditional NPC submission -- it's usefulness in a game setting is questionable. But I simply don't care.

This was an incredibly good read; you could easily publish this. As for the Citadel, I think it's time to lobby again for a "Fiction" category, to encourage more pieces like this. Well done, Longspeak!

Go to Comment
The Song That Doesn't End, Part One
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-09 02:31 PM
Nice bit of fiction, demonstrating the unusual powers of a Delta (haven't read Ellen's sub yet, but I'm assuming she must be one now). That's a disturbing number of roaches. Go to Comment
Sarah Voltaire
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-08 04:19 PM
A true pleasure to read. Loved the idea of "Expressing" and the hints at an alternate history. Very much looking forward to the other linked subs now. Go to Comment
The Vile Vial
Items  (Potion)   (Villanous)
Dossta's comment on 2013-05-14 04:59 PM
Like the description you used for this one, though I agree it would be more interesting if expanded. For a 100-word, it's not bad. Go to Comment
The Clowns Gang
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Area)
Dossta's comment on 2013-09-30 07:54 PM
I think the pictures added quite a bit, though some of them could have been sized down a tad. As for the content, it's pretty much what you'd expect of a whole gang based around Heath Ledger's Joker -- violent, disturbing and scary as hell. I especially liked the bit about the various drugs; that one sentence about administering Nuke to hostages to "keep them cool" tells you all you want to know about being at the mercy of this gang.

If there was anything I could suggest, it would be to imagine a few more unique gang-related activities. The Suicide Parties are a good step, but what else can they do to distinguish themselves from other "normal" gangs (besides the thematic elements, I mean). Are they big in the hostage industry? Sex-trade? Do they have any long-term plans? Go to Comment
Dragon's Wake
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2013-09-21 10:29 AM

No, I don't think you need to make separate submissions for the event and the location -- that would most likely yield two average submissions instead of one fantastic one. I do think your changes afterwards clarified what you'd find in the city today (a large, inland bay next to a city of wood), however.

If I were going to use this in a game, it's enough for me to start with, but I'd still need to flesh out more of its sights/sounds, major economic influences, major attractions, and perhaps another cultural tidbit or three (do they have any celebrations? Dragon's Day, perhaps?). Maybe a few notable NPCs, or religions/cults that were founded after the Dragon left. The bit about blue stone sculpting is and the Wizard's college are good starts, but I'd want more to make it really stand out in the minds of my audience.

Go to Comment
Dragon's Wake
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Dossta's comment on 2013-09-20 07:17 PM
A very compelling tale, though it somewhat overshadows the city itself. I get a sense of the land around the city, but not much I can use to describe the place in a game. Do the blue buildings still exist? What about the Tower of Dreams? Either way, I love the epic scale of the thing and will definitely consider stealing the legend at some point for a game! Go to Comment
Winter's Gem
Items  (Jewelry)   (Sentient)
Dossta's comment on 2015-12-08 02:11 PM
I enjoy submissions with an almost "mythological" tone, both in the writing and in the content. It was very fun to expand on, and I hope you don't mind me basing a sub off of this one. Go to Comment
The Kingmakers: Final Update/Autopsy
Articles  (Campaign)   (Game Mastering)
Dossta's comment on 2013-08-11 10:46 PM
It's always fascinating to dissect a campaign once it's over. Very glad you put up this post-mortem so that the rest of us could benefit from your experience. For your next campaign, I'd check out something called a "group template", popularized by the Fear the Boot podcast. It's a tool for building a cohesive group from the get-go, hopefully avoiding a lot of the issues that came up here. Go to Comment
30 More Gladiators
NPCs  (Extras)   (Combative)
Dossta's comment on 2013-08-26 05:01 PM
I couldn't create a sub titled "30 Gladiators" because it already exists somewhere. Unfortunately, it's private and/or deleted so I have no idea what it contained, and no way to check for overlap. I did my best to play with the trope a little and come up with some stuff that was new (at least, new to me). :) Glad you enjoyed the read! Go to Comment
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