The beauty of this is that the bearer cannot exactly control where he/she is going to land. If they are abusing it's power, perhaps its time for the dice to put them a few squares over . . . into the middle of a group of (now incredibly pissed-off) enemies. Go to Comment
For all the silliness, it is still incredibly cool. I would definitely use them if I were running the setting, perhaps as a foil for the PCs. You forgot to bold the "Holdings" section, and the Roque's Gallery is a little confusing (I don't understand all of the terms used), but otherwise, this is a great read. Thanks for the smile. Go to Comment
With the extra stuff in the Rogue's Gallery, a GM now has enough to run a whole mini-campaign in the New Nuyork Arcoplex. I especially like your take on the Riddler, since it moves him from the territory of vaguely annoying camp to serious-but-fun threat. What Cosmic Era submissions would you suggest I go to for more information on parapsychics? Go to Comment
Welcome to the Citadel, rickster. For a first submission, this one is surprisingly well-polished. There are a few grammar/spelling errors, but nothing cringeworthy, and it is obvious that you put a lot of thought into this person's background and mannerisms.
For me, the most compelling parts were the bits about the sorcerous ritual and the cult of Gwiyodhuna. Two separate methods for the creation of vampires -- neither of which involve the biting or embracing trope -- brought a little life back into an old cliche.
The history is perhaps a little too long for a simple NPC, especially when it strays off into Oleastra's life and times, but on the whole the piece stays on track. If I were to suggest any changes at all, it might be to develop Halan's feud with the Gwiyodhunatic vampires and to explore any differences between the two strains. Go to Comment
A forest after my own heart! I like how you have taken an environ normally slated as "wild" or "untamed" and made it into a focal point of law and order. I'm having a little difficulty picturing the trees, though. Are all the trees in neat, evenly-spaced rows, or are those just the ones near the road? Is the forest a perfect square or circle?
I'm definitely looking forward to the addition of the denizens and individual tombs. Well done! Go to Comment
Good points: The names are nicely alphabetized and divided into male/female lists.
Nitpicks: Like axle said, this is a non-fiction work so you probably grabbed these names from somewhere. In order to respect the rights of the original owner, you should always cite your sources when reposting stuff on the net, including on the Citadel.
Another things to note is that we already have a submission for sharing names (The Citadels Name Exchange), and probably a forum thread or two as well. This would be more useful if added to a similar list -- GMs will be more likely to see and use your contribution if they don't have to look in more than a few places to find it. Go to Comment
This is a good start on a really interesting idea. I rather enjoyed the concept of a gaggle of adventurous youths, off doing their own thing in a large group. This could be a very cool piece of flavor to add to any kingdom/empire you please. The "who's into who" bit was also a nice touch -- very in-character!
Some thoughts: The "elven blood" part was, as far as I could tell, almost completely irrelevant. If you're going to leave that in, then the elvish blood should affect the group profoundly. Personally, I would strip the elven bit out entirely. This could just as easily be a gaggle of halfling or dwarvish youths, with a bit of tweaking.
Second, you only have 11 people on the list so far, so this doesn't really qualify as a 30. That's not a *huge* problem, but it does mean that the title is misleading. I highly encourage you to flesh this out fully with another 19 full-realized entries. You can always ask for help in the forums, or move this to "Advice Requested" if you're having trouble coming up with ideas.
Last, I understand the basic concept of "Errantry", but I'd love for you to hint a little more about group dynamics within the entries. What is the glue that holds them together? What could break them apart? Who takes care of their basic needs?
All in all, an intriguing first submission. I really looking forward to seeing where you go with this! Go to Comment
Made me smile. Perfect for a steampunk or science-fantasy setting, and a refreshing change of pace. I was actually disappointed not to find links to other subs, simply because the world and religion you hinted at was pretty darn cool.
A note of caution. If these things are as powerful as you imply, then a GM would have to be very creative in how they use them in a game. Deus ex machina is a real possibility here. I would probably treat them as I would a dragon -- there to add flavor and potential quest hooks, but ultimately relegated to the background. Go to Comment
The abrupt switch from third to first person in the last section threw me for a few moments, but the story is still compelling. I'm still angry at Brait, and at Josslander too, if Brait can be considered a true and devoted follower of that religion.
Perhaps Brait has been grossly misled about what it means to be a Josslander, or perhaps he's intentionally using his religion as an excuse to be phenomenally lazy. Either way, the man comes across as an unfeeling sociopath. I hate him, but I believe that is what you intended. Well done? Go to Comment
I can't say I've ever seen a trifold order of paladins before. It's very cool that three differently-aligned warriors can serve the same god AND derive powers from him.
The intro could use a little cleaning up, even just a sentence or two giving us the basic concept up front, because it's a little confusing as is. In the third paragraph, for instance, where you are talking about "perishing on the blade", I thought that you were referring to *any* blade, and that ALL deaths by a sword were in Krununth's domain.
But seriously though -- kudos for the idea. It's one I haven't seen before! Go to Comment
I really like the idea itself -- especially as a quirk for a PC. In a setting where worship = clerical powers, I would actually expect very few gods to grant these cultists any spells or other boons. Faithfulness is rewarded, but most purely good/evil deities would probably not favor someone who worshiped their arch-nemesis at the same time.
Probably a more successful route would be to worship two neutral deities who have wildly opposite domains. Perhaps a god of commerce alongside a goddess of poverty, for instance. Go to Comment
*Low whistle of appreciation* Very, very nice work, Shadow. Of the quest submissions so far, this is by far my favorite. For a solid list of ideas to fill out Level 2, I humbly suggest 40 Thieves Guild Missions by Nobody -- I've found it invaluable as a resource for those kinds of "dirty odd-jobs".
I honestly can't think of anything you need to do to improve this -- the flavor text is fantastic, the quest progression is logical, and the imprisoned goddess is even sympathetic in a way. If I ever end up with another party sliding down the Slippery Slope, I will definitely revisit this. Go to Comment
Would most of your objections here be addressed if this was recategorized to a Plot, rather than a System? I agree that it doesn't fit the System category as well as it could, but the Religions and Cults quest didn't specify a particular category for entries. Go to Comment
The theology of the Cult is not nearly as important as the process the party goes through to climb its ranks. In fact, I would say that by leaving the theology intentionally sparse, Shadow has actually increased the generality and usefulness of this submission.
Let me explain: Eriphen and her two children are nice, but ultimately irrelevant and replaceable. They may not fit into my current campaign world, or they may just not interest me personally. That's alright.
As written, all I need is a trapped deity and two other powerful entities to help free him/her. These can be dragons, powerful mages, alien artifacts, killer robots -- anything that is ultimately far stronger than the players and most of their enemies.
If you look at the pantheons for a lot of published campaign settings, you can probably find one or two lost or trapped gods, goddesses or other mythic beings that you can easily adapt this campaign to. BUT, just in case your world doesn't have an established mythology yet, Shadow provided us with the bones to build one on.
Alright, I think I'm beginning to see your point axle. You aren't so much asking for the theology to be fleshed out, as for more places in the storyline where the theology (such as it is) is relevant.
I agree that the PCs are a little passive here. They follow a list of pre-planned actions at the behest of various NPCs. Aside from the promise of power and wealth, there is little to connect the party to the cult or make them feel like they are a part of something bigger.
Perhaps more interaction with normal cult members would help. Giving the party a strong sense of "family" could be all the motivation needed. It is up to the GM to potray the religion sympathetically -- perhaps appeal to the party's sense of fair play by giving the opposition large advantages.
The problem is, I don't really see where to add this to the current sub. Maybe as "ideas for play" or a short "player investment" section at the bottom? I'm sure Shadow would welcome any ideas you choose to add here, as well. Go to Comment
In 1500 B.C. in Egypt a shaved head was considered the ultimate in feminine beauty. Egyptian women removed every hair from their heads with special gold tweezers and polished their scalps to a high sheen with buffing cloths.