Have you used this guy in play yet? I'd love to hear how it went. As for the sub itself, it's a very solid concept, with little room for improvement. The only part I twitched a nose at is when you said he "shouldn't be hard to kill." If your fat boils when you approach him and your hands gouge out your own eyes, I'd think he'd be difficult to even get near, much less kill. Go to Comment
Well deserving of a 5. It provides the detail needed to explore each of the setting's major themes, yet doesn't overstay its welcome. What a splendidly horrible world you have built, Scras. I wish more settings had a guide like this. Go to Comment
I wanted to leave this as separate since one is an NPC and one is a life-form. However, I agree that this needs more detail and adding in some of the autobiographical stuff about the Six is a great idea. Will modify soon! Go to Comment
Update: Taking Scras's advice to heart here. I would definitely love to expand this sub with details about the original Six monsters created by Maire (see Mother Monster), but am drawing a bit of a blank. I would like to keep the Gaelic-sounding naming scheme for them, but am otherwise throwing this one open to the community. Looking for some ideas to work with. Go to Comment
Update: Still working on this one, but I didn't want to lose my changes. Throwing this one back out there with a partial edit. I think that the first part needs a cleanup as well, to better explain the nuts and bolts of how a Monster works. Is there anything that was really confusing to you all on your first read-through? Go to Comment
You gave a very good visual description of how to picture the Maddux -- seems like something that a professor would use to help his students conceptualize the strangeness in some magical college. Thinking of it like an unusual weather phenomenon is a good tactic. If it is a very long-running thing, I can imagine charity groups or government programs designed to provide "Maddux relief" for the victims of a bad "pop".
I can also imagine villagers making all kinds of crazy preparations besides boarding up their houses and businesses. Perhaps fencing in their fields, or leaving first-aid supplies in easily accessible places, or even tying all of their tools and sharp implements together firmly. Can you imagine a party walking into town during the middle of the storm of activity, wondering why the farmer is muzzling his cows? Go to Comment
You, sir, are a bloody good writer and probably a better GM than myself. In the end, I should probably stop commenting on NPC write-ups until I've written more than one or two myself :P
Let me rephrase:
There is more detail here than *I* could use in an average game. That is not a failing of the sub or of the NPC, but of my abilities as a game master. That doesn't meant the sub needs any less detail, just that I probably wouldn't use it all.
As for backstory, I think it's important in an NPC, because it tells me what that NPC is likely to talk about. Backstory is a quick and dirty tool that helps me see where an NPC is coming from, so I can infer what they will do now.
Reads like a write-up for a character that is going to make it into a novel. There's far more detail here than would probably make it into a game, but he would be fun to write about!
The only thing I wish you had included was a little more backstory, the "how he actually became a leader" part. I get that he as strong charisma and empathy, but without a partial listing of his deeds, it's hard to understand exactly why he is the most respected man on the islands. How did he get that magical mace, for instance? Go to Comment
You give us a lot of details about it's design and function in society, but forget to answer the central question of all androids: is it sentient? Does it have goals or feelings of its own, or is it simply a robot? Are the court cases being fought by gynoids seeking equal rights, or by the shopkeepers who employ them?
Otherwise, this is a very well-thought out android, in terms of its physical properties (making them weak so that they appear less of a threat was genius), and role in society. Thank you for not creating another generic sex bot. Go to Comment
Nice twist at the end! I like that you made the god not only accessible, but helpless to some degree. The freeing of Gundrak would be a rather unique quest to send a party on, since it plays with the relationship that PCs normally have with deities. Go to Comment