I am unsure why anyone would wear this helmet, unless it had a powerful magic aura, perhaps? Either way, it needs to give some sort of bonus, at least initially, or the wearer will discard it for something better. Or, this is just a thought, it is impossible to remove once you put it on. I like addicting magic items, it will be good once you touch it up a little.
The backstory is good also, but maybe you could give more info about the god who made it. Go to Comment
I enjoyed the Glass shifting crazies from the beginning, and this tops off a great creation. It meshes very well with the tone and the style of the other pieces, and actually makes a lot of sense. It seems that someone like Axtrami might change his name so that he could be worshipped by multiple organizations, but that's just an opinion. Go to Comment
Just curious, who are the prettiest demons now? This definitely makes a good twist on the classic "child eating monster." I am confused why they are so easily manipulated, though, is it part of their punishment? Go to Comment
Updated: I re-worked my whole submission for clarity (it was needed), and I put a few more specifics on how I envisioned the animation process to be. I also figured out a way around the melt-the-gold-down procedure, but I am afraid that I did not properly explain it. The idea was to use a heat metal charm of some sort so that the gold would melt itself down, then rise back up as a snake. I was also unsure whether to quote Moonhunter's comment or simply to reference it in my submission Go to Comment
I am torn on this submission. Is it possible to give a little clearer explanation of why the two religions went to war? Did they actually disagree over a certain event or did they just hate each other in the first place? Go to Comment
I like it, perhaps you could add more specific tales of his exploits? You could have some fun thinking of all the crazy stuff that the god (or the prophet) does to prevent some important event. Go to Comment
Rumored to be the ground-up leaf of a plant that feeds off the dead body of some twisted god, One Step Ahead provides the imbiber with limited knowledge of the future immediately before it happens. This affect lasts for a little under an hour, then proceeds to show the affected person visions farther and farther out into the future for a few more minutes. After this, all but the strongest fall into a coma of sorts, envisioning things in blurry focus that range from past events from the futures of alternate universes. These comas are usually temporary, lasting a few hours, but long term or even permanent comas are possible. While under the influence, the user sees “ghosts” of things about to happen, and seems twitchy, with vastly dilated pupils. The drug is favored by those who value their reflexes and luck, many rouges who claim to be able to rob some of the most heavily guarded castles in under an hour rely on One Step Ahead to bolster their chances of success. The name “prophet’s booze” comes from the drug’s liquid form, which is used by many seers to predict anything from dangers facing a customer to the fates of kingdoms. The substance is not very addicting, but it often does irreparable damage to the mind and soul when used by a hopeful thief or seer too often. Go to Comment
I really like it, but do the creatures resemble humanoid bodies? The creature overall makes sense, but more information on their social interaction (hierarchy, etc.) would make it better. Go to Comment
As far as everyone knows, the Maze has always been there; the strange pair of gates set in the side of a mountain a common feature in every painting of the area, no matter how ancient. One white, one red, nobody knows what they're made of but they resist any attempt to damage them; they’re always slightly cool to the touch no matter the weather, they have a very reflective surface, and if you look at them in a bright light, sometimes it looks as if they glow on their own.
The important thing is what’s on the other side of them, of course. The Maze itself is a strange place where the normal rules are suspended, and its own set takes their place. It’s a place filled with puzzles and riddles, monsters and traps; it’s always consistent with itself in any single run but is never the same two times around, and sometimes you could swear it has a sadistic streak, delighting in tricking the unwary adventurer.
It is a dangerous place, as so many people will rush to tell you; most people who go in never come out, and even those who do usually end up scarred for life. They also bring out with them enormous piles of riches, which is why people keep going in anyway.