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Terat, the Goddess of War
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-03-01 07:33 PM
The relationships between the gods and their changing roles is very well done, as are the strong paralells that you make to Norse mythology. There were a few confusing parts, the Blooding section seems to tell the story twice. Go to Comment
Following The Drum
Items  (Art and Music)   (Combat)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-03-07 06:56 PM
I'm confused on the purpose of this scroll, it seems like the goal is to submit various kinds of battle music, but I am not sure. Go to Comment
Poison of Rest Forgone And Other Toxins
Items  (Potion)   (Villanous)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-02-15 11:19 PM
Very clever, I like the applications that you consider. Are the bonuses against magical sleep granted by the poison of rest denied minor or more significant? Go to Comment
Ice Giants
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-02-11 05:53 PM
It's big, it's ugly, and it will stomp you into the ground if you're not careful. I like it. Go to Comment
Tohm Bones
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-02-11 05:11 PM
Gives an interesting personality to the standard mage academy Go to Comment
The Crystal Retort
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-02-11 12:15 PM
Wow, you planned everything out perfectly, it can fit into almost any campaign, and you describe it very well. My take on the the sewer area was that the smell would be simply repressed by a low level spell (or even an alchemical substance?). Go to Comment
Magic Cigar Challenge
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-02-11 11:54 AM
Laced Smokes
"I dunno what's in them, but it's definitely not tobacco."
A laced smoke can have just about anything inside the wrapping paper, but they are all magically disguised to look and smell like tobacco. One variety is used by particularly disreputable drug dealers to addict their clients to more expensive products, and simultaneously sought out by young nobles in search of a way to make a family formal much more interesting. Of course, after a few untimely deaths from overdose, an assassin had the idea to concentrate the dosage of drug to make it more predictably lethal. Recently, a small nation's diplomat used one to get a slick trade deal with the Emperor's personal bank. Makes a person think twice before sticking anything into their mouth. Go to Comment
Formuo Magi Savant
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-01-18 06:47 PM
Your presentation of Formuo's mental processes is extremely sophisticated, I am very impressed. I don't have a problem with the close brush with mechanics, I think it is broad enough for interpretation. My only small addition would be that it would be interesting for you to include some other instances when Formuo's lack of maturity confounded his enemies. Great submission! Go to Comment
Deaf Knights
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Country/ State)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-01-18 07:44 PM
Every society has its outcasts, and these outcasts have formed their own order that ends up doing good for society. It is well written and is overall a very compelling tale. Also, I think that a submission about the Poppy Seed King might be in order, he sounds interesting. Go to Comment
Whistle's Vanishing Puppets
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Multi-Storyline)
Demagogue's comment on 2007-12-24 09:06 PM
I like it so far. Possible explanation-a magically powerful child, or magically powerful being with the mind of a child is taking the toys for its own amusement? Go to Comment
The Malcavas
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-12-05 09:29 PM
This submission is good, but it seems to lack detail where the history is important. A race doesn't just defy the god that created it for no good reason, but I don't see one here. I am also fuzzy about the "unforgivable crimes" the Malcavas have committed, unless you are also referring to the actions they took against their god.
On a better note, you described their society with care, and your initiation ceremony is clever (though they might run out of gods eventually). The combination of technological, arcane, and divine power that is directed in an ancient fight to annihilate the gods is fun.
Oh yeah, when the Malcavas defected from their god, did they all agree? It seems like it might be a point of contention. Go to Comment
The Banner of the Golden Serpent
Items  (Art and Music)   (Villanous)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-12-01 10:57 PM
The toy of chaos, it not only topples governments, it removes the leaders of the rebellions. If a general wields the banner, is he always victorious? My only suggestion would be to extend the story, perhaps with a more concrete picture of the effect. Go to Comment
Moleskin
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-26 12:53 PM
The character is very well developed and the story is original but what impresses me the most the is the way that it is narrated, excellent submission. Go to Comment
The Staff of Seeing
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Cursed)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-26 12:58 PM
Nice job, every monarch would want this item, and if a major one got his hands on it, the consequences would be enormous. Go to Comment
Peto Specimen, The Bleeding King
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-24 12:51 PM
Yeah, I'm having real trouble with his name. I want his original name (Mently Wave) to be really boring, but then he ditches it for a better one. I haven't thought of one yet. Go to Comment
Peto Specimen, The Bleeding King
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-24 01:02 PM
I have a few inklings of what I think Axtrami wants to do, but I wanted to leave it mostly at the discretion of the person who is using the submission. Go to Comment
Peto Specimen, The Bleeding King
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-24 02:53 PM
Updated: I wanted to address all the comments posted. I thought of a name, tried to correct grammar mistakes, and fleshed out the story a bit. (no pun intended) Go to Comment
Anfau
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-23 11:08 AM
I really like this new semi-intelligent race, the detail is good, and the inflation of the Anfau's image by bards is cool. If the Anfau are smart enough to develop a language, can they use tools? Go to Comment
The Orbis Caelestis of Magnus Magisterius
Items  (Tools)   (Cursed)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-22 04:47 PM
Very nice, I especially like the detail put in. Can you destroy it? If so, do you have to do anything special? Go to Comment
30 Prisoners
NPCs  (Extras)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Demagogue's comment on 2006-11-19 11:33 PM
That's a clever idea, its always helpful to have a list of prisoners for the PC's to meet when they land in jail Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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