Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-17 01:39 PM
We'll go with what Muro said: interesting, and entirely believable. I have issue with the description at the beginning, where it was described to the casual observer as a wiggling grain of rice, combined with the one at the end, where it has grown to the size of a rat. The two simply don't seem to match properly. A bit better explanation would be nice.

Otherwise, an interesting fellow you have here. Keep up the submissions, I'm liking what I'm reading. Go to Comment
The land of the forgotten
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 09:38 PM
Greetings, and welcome to the Citadel. Glancing at what you've got there, I believe some advice is in order:

Firstly, something to keep in mind is that this is not a fiction site per-se. Strolen's Citadel is primarily a website devoted to generating resources for gamemasters to use in roleplaying games, not simply for publishing stories. From what you have there, it seems to me you're looking more for a place to put out your work for others to read than to provide a self-contained resource for gamemasters. I'd suggest you do a Google search for "writing forums" or something similar, to find such a place. I'm quite sure they'll also be open to helping you improve your writing in all aspects.

Secondly, if you were trying to start a general roleplay, you should go over to the Forum. We have a specific area for freeform roleplaying:,5.0.html

Lastly, spellcheck is most definitely your friend, as is capitalization. You might try reading what you wrote aloud to get an idea of how jumbled and hard to read it is. We're definitely not Grammar Nazis here, but we ARE writers, after a fashion.

Once again, welcome to the Citadel. Hopefully you'll stay around and help generate new ideas. We always love having new folk appear. Go to Comment
The land of the forgotten
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-16 10:56 AM
If the sub had been submitted fully, then yes, I'd say it needs tossing out. But since it's marked as advice requested, I decided to be a bit nicer, and actually offer advice before calling down the smite. Go to Comment
30 Beers
Articles  (Campaign)   (Gaming - In General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 02:35 PM
I keep getting the thought of zombie-beer. Straaaaange. Go to Comment
30 Divine Concepts
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Defining)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-13 12:15 AM
Wow. This was certainly a longer read than normal. I think a few parts weren't really valid questions (the time-displaced gods, for instance), but otherwise I think this is useful for getting away from the 'traditional' D&D pantheon (#25 I believe...). Go to Comment
The Zenahin Flower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 05:52 PM
Much discussion followed this one in chat. Muro suggested a multitude of uses for trickster-types, to which I responded that it didn't have to respond immediately to changes in emotion. Sure negative emotions could hurt it quickly, but the positive ones could take a while to change it. Just a way to limit these from being much more than nifty background fluff. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 05:36 PM
Updated: Out with ye! Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 01:15 AM
Perhaps. Then again, with the exception of certain subcultures within Western Society, we absorb a large amount of UV rays anyway, just by walking around outside. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 02:19 PM
I was aiming for a burning feeling in the user's mouth anyway. They've got liquid sunlight sloshing around in their body. That's gotta burn on the way down. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-17 01:14 PM
I'm not entirely sure such would be possible. The petals are extremely fragile, and the distilled liquid not much better. I highly doubt either would survive launch without activating. An interesting proposition, however. Go to Comment
Descriptive combat
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Gaming - In General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 01:53 PM
A good lesson to keep in mind. This goes hand in hand with Moonhunter's Not Just Rolling Dice: A Fight Scene. Read! Learn! Apply! Have fun! Go to Comment
Items  (Clothes)   (Non-Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2011-12-04 10:18 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
Chaosmark's comment on 2010-05-28 12:09 AM
This particular submission has re-inspired me. I must thank you for such a good sub (though the history seems like it cut off early, and could've been enhanced more). Long live steampunk and the ideas it spawns! Go to Comment
The Monks of Purity and Simplicity
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-08 12:10 PM
A major foil for the Melders. Nicely done. Go to Comment
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-05 07:35 PM
Weapons of mass destruction inevitably are horrifying. The delivery is what makes these subs as good as they are. Go to Comment
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-08 12:04 PM
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 02:19 PM
I now see this when I think of potential cannons: Go to Comment
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-15 01:02 PM
Something to consider is that powerful countries don't necessarily have the resources to field a large number of these. Depending on any number of factors, these could result in a global Cold War, or roughly the equivalent to the US after WWII, when we were the only ones with The Bomb for a while.

Heck, you only need one to be the most dangerous world power. Go to Comment
Steam gloves
Items  (Clothes)   (Non-Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2011-12-04 09:55 AM

Definitely not sure why I never voted on this.

Go to Comment
Verdichtung, Reaver of Steam
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Chaosmark's comment on 2009-01-19 12:01 AM
This one is all in the telling. And the telling doesn't need to be long either. Short, well crafted, and beautiful in an indescribable way. Very nicely done S. Go to Comment
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Castoria, Land of Shattered Stars

       By: Veretrix

Castoria was once a thriving and prosperous nation, a rich trade center for the surrounding lands. This all changed when, on one fateful night nearly a century ago, the Mist of Eternity rolled in and surrounded the land, obscuring more of the outside world as days and nights passed.

By the time the Mist blocked out the sun, a new light shone during what was assumed to be daytime: The Starpoint Spire, a mysterious place atop Castoria's highest peak in the northern-central region. Some say that there is some sort of building atop the mountain shining the dim "sunlight" onto the land, but it is only ever too bright or too dark to fully make out any structure, not to mention the mountain's immense height.

Not a month after the Spire's light lit up, the stars fell. Flaming rocks and debris from far-flung edges of space plummeted downward onto the eastern region of Castoria. Once the shower subsided, a strange energy from within the fallen stars transformed the eastern lands in what are now known as The Voidwastes, a barren gray land littered with craters and strange alien creatures (these can vary, but I had Pathfinder's Akatas in mind).

To the south, strange mechanism of eldritch origin are again at work after aeons of rest in the Ruins of Kchuthngnl, an ancient city of non-human creation that is estimated by scholars to be no less that five millennia old.

To the west, the once peaceful and serene forest, now known as The Plagued Woods, has been experiencing corruptions of the wildlife and humanoids living there. Some humans have reported creatures that appear not unlike a halfling, except that they can open their mouths to massive proportions to swallow creatures the size of an ogre.

When adventurers and citizens alike try to make an escape from Castoria, they are never seen again, and it is utterly unknown whether they found hopeful sanctuary or agonizing death withing the Mist's depths.

What is unknown to all residents of Castoria is that all of these events occurred because of the actions of a secret but powerful cult loyal to the Elder Gods who call the space between the planes their abhorrent home. The cult still lives on, larger than ever, and their plan is for the alien horrors to incubate and thrive within the dome of mist that now envelops Castoria, so that when the Elder Gods return as the cult's prophecy foretells, they will have an army of blasphemous creation at their disposal that they will use to make war with and enslave the denizens of the Material Plane.

Ideas  ( Locations ) | August 4, 2015 | View | UpVote 4xp