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The land of the forgotten
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 08:38 PM
Greetings, and welcome to the Citadel. Glancing at what you've got there, I believe some advice is in order:

Firstly, something to keep in mind is that this is not a fiction site per-se. Strolen's Citadel is primarily a website devoted to generating resources for gamemasters to use in roleplaying games, not simply for publishing stories. From what you have there, it seems to me you're looking more for a place to put out your work for others to read than to provide a self-contained resource for gamemasters. I'd suggest you do a Google search for "writing forums" or something similar, to find such a place. I'm quite sure they'll also be open to helping you improve your writing in all aspects.

Secondly, if you were trying to start a general roleplay, you should go over to the Forum. We have a specific area for freeform roleplaying: http://www.strolen.com/guild/index.php/board,5.0.html

Lastly, spellcheck is most definitely your friend, as is capitalization. You might try reading what you wrote aloud to get an idea of how jumbled and hard to read it is. We're definitely not Grammar Nazis here, but we ARE writers, after a fashion.

Once again, welcome to the Citadel. Hopefully you'll stay around and help generate new ideas. We always love having new folk appear. Go to Comment
The land of the forgotten
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-16 09:56 AM
If the sub had been submitted fully, then yes, I'd say it needs tossing out. But since it's marked as advice requested, I decided to be a bit nicer, and actually offer advice before calling down the smite. Go to Comment
30 Beers
Articles  (Campaign)   (Gaming - In General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 01:35 PM
I keep getting the thought of zombie-beer. Straaaaange. Go to Comment
30 Divine Concepts
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Defining)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 11:15 PM
Wow. This was certainly a longer read than normal. I think a few parts weren't really valid questions (the time-displaced gods, for instance), but otherwise I think this is useful for getting away from the 'traditional' D&D pantheon (#25 I believe...). Go to Comment
The Zenahin Flower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Plains)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 04:52 PM
Much discussion followed this one in chat. Muro suggested a multitude of uses for trickster-types, to which I responded that it didn't have to respond immediately to changes in emotion. Sure negative emotions could hurt it quickly, but the positive ones could take a while to change it. Just a way to limit these from being much more than nifty background fluff. Go to Comment
Sunflower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 04:36 PM
Updated: Out with ye! Go to Comment
Sunflower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 12:15 AM
Perhaps. Then again, with the exception of certain subcultures within Western Society, we absorb a large amount of UV rays anyway, just by walking around outside. Go to Comment
Sunflower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-14 01:19 PM
I was aiming for a burning feeling in the user's mouth anyway. They've got liquid sunlight sloshing around in their body. That's gotta burn on the way down. Go to Comment
Sunflower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-17 12:14 PM
I'm not entirely sure such would be possible. The petals are extremely fragile, and the distilled liquid not much better. I highly doubt either would survive launch without activating. An interesting proposition, however. Go to Comment
Descriptive combat
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Gaming - In General)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 12:53 PM
A good lesson to keep in mind. This goes hand in hand with Moonhunter's Not Just Rolling Dice: A Fight Scene. Read! Learn! Apply! Have fun! Go to Comment
VIEEU Boots
Items  (Clothes)   (Non-Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2011-12-04 09:18 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Arachniwerk
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
Chaosmark's comment on 2010-05-27 11:09 PM
This particular submission has re-inspired me. I must thank you for such a good sub (though the history seems like it cut off early, and could've been enhanced more). Long live steampunk and the ideas it spawns! Go to Comment
The Monks of Purity and Simplicity
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-08 11:10 AM
A major foil for the Melders. Nicely done. Go to Comment
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-05 06:35 PM
Weapons of mass destruction inevitably are horrifying. The delivery is what makes these subs as good as they are. Go to Comment
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-08 11:04 AM
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-12 01:19 PM
I now see this when I think of potential cannons: http://www.sonicbomb.com/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=59 Go to Comment
Potential Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-15 12:02 PM
Something to consider is that powerful countries don't necessarily have the resources to field a large number of these. Depending on any number of factors, these could result in a global Cold War, or roughly the equivalent to the US after WWII, when we were the only ones with The Bomb for a while.

Heck, you only need one to be the most dangerous world power. Go to Comment
Steam gloves
Items  (Clothes)   (Non-Magical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2011-12-04 08:55 AM


Definitely not sure why I never voted on this.


Go to Comment
Verdichtung, Reaver of Steam
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Chaosmark's comment on 2009-01-18 11:01 PM
This one is all in the telling. And the telling doesn't need to be long either. Short, well crafted, and beautiful in an indescribable way. Very nicely done S. Go to Comment
Verdichtung, Reaver of Steam
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Chaosmark's comment on 2011-12-16 10:14 PM


Three years later, I'm still loving it.


Go to Comment
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