While this is certainly a good expansion of the 30 in question, it seems to lack the spark of interesting-ness. It seems to me that she'd make a decent background character, but she'll never be a major player in anything but a game of courtiers. Perhaps you could add a few examples of how she and her obsession might be included in a game? Go to Comment
You know, that last bit you added about the factory making thousands of chips really added what I thought was missing to the ending. I think the sub really flows together now. Good job manfred! Go to Comment
Aha. You mentioning Mountain of Boats reminded me of where else I had seen something this huge, this insanely long of a read. I've seen something roughly this length elsewhere, but no matter.
I absolutely love the atmosphere you created in this sub. To call it creepy is to degrade the horror and terror that this submission evokes. My description of this to Pieh was, "It's like Call of Cthulhu, but with STEAMTECH." I stand by my affirmation and description. This is a brilliant piece of art, and it opened in my mind vast vistas of adventures to be had within this area.
My one complaint is that something so simple as a rocket launcher could force Oagru Hactor-Newath from his interdimensional anchorage. Surely such a formidable being (described as being thaumaturgically powerful beyond description) could put up more of a fight. I should very much have liked to see something like what Mountain of Boats did, with two possible encounters, one as a lower-level encounter, the other as an epic-level campaign ending. I think what you've given here is the former. I think the latter might overload the Citadel with greatness should it ever be published, however.
This submission is the best I've seen in a very long time. While it seems to take up a sizable chunk of my comment, don't take my suggestion for the ending as anything more than a mild afterthought. The total submission more than makes up for such a small thing. Thank you for sharing this vision with us. Go to Comment
It's nice to see an item with history when so often people gloss over the history of their items in favor of just giving powers, but in this case, it seems to me like the history doesn't match the description of the hammers. The enchantment on the hammers doesn't seem to have any mirror within the maker. However, this is still an excellent first submission, and a big improvement from before. Go to Comment
Not all dangers come in the gigantic carnivorous plant category. These are an excellent example of what else can pose a threat to your party. Very well planned and thought out, I like the overall completeness of this sub. It would be the simplest of things to pull out wholesale and use without hardly any modification. Go to Comment
I think the plot hooks could be fleshed out a bit more. Surely she could be more than just a passing NPC the players interact with before going on their merry way. Perhaps she could turn into a barmaid of some sort, simply to survive, and then dance by herself after the bar closes for the night? THAT might be an encounter to spice up your game.
"You walk downstairs to find a glass of water. As you walk around the corner, you see the orc barmaid up on the stage, dancing away with her eyes closed, looking more content than a cat on a lap. She's not half bad at the dancing either. What do you do?"
In all, I like this character, and think she's got some good potential, but how to use her could be added to just a bit more. Go to Comment
I would say it very much depends on how the magic carpet produces it's flying effect. Planes use speed and wing-shape to produce upward pressure. Once it overcomes gravity, the plane lifts off. If the magic carpet is simply negating gravity for itself and anything on top of it, and then imparting velocity, there's no real reason it wouldn't work underwater. Moving down might prove slightly challenging for an object used to fighting against a downward pull instead of an upward push. Perhaps 'flying' lower underwater requires the carpet to be upside down? Go to Comment
This can be defended against by noting the direction that the banished object will return from, and placing a sturdy object in the way. Alternately, a spell of protection should accomplish the same thing. Unfortunately, it is entirely likely that someone who miscasts the spell will have their target bungee back to them from their inside, resulting in an explosion of gore and the death of the caster. Go to Comment
The Vénat Lifeforms (Intelligent Species)
These remind me of nothing other than the fae of old. Vengeful little tricksters that one needs to be careful of. I'm honestly unsure about the eyeball thing; I'm not sure whether it adds a bit of reality to them, or detracts with its almost random nature. I'll have to leave that determination to others. Go to Comment
Cries in the Night
As the PCs wander through the pyramid's maze, they hear the echoing cry of a hungry baby. Upon tracking it down, they find it originating in a medium sized room with a pile of dead goblins in the center. The crying sound is coming from inside the mound of bodies; examination reveals an arctic goblin baby in a papoose, hungry and cold. It would seem that the party of goblins got lost inside the pyramid and piled themselves on the baby in a forlorn attempt to preserve its life against the murderous cold.
What will they do? Leave the baby to its death, or take up the burden of caring for it in a dark and dangerous dungeon? Go to Comment
Death from above!
Scattered around the maze are a number of traps to remove intruders from this existence. One of these is a soaking, freezing death. Above sections of the ceiling are pyres designed to melt the ice that comprises the ceiling and bring it down on top of intruders. The result varies: cuts from sharp edges of ice, bruises from chunks of the ceiling, and most dangerously, a soaking wet party, absolutely lethal in the pyramid's freezing interior. Go to Comment
Down the rabbit hole
A dungeon staple, this one is particularly at home within the pyramid's maze, because the icy surface makes sliding down into a hole very easy and hard to stop. Care should be taken whenever the floor begins to tilt. A single misstep could send someone sliding to their death, whether it be from the fall or the icy spikes at the end. Go to Comment