My main issue with this is stylistic, it is the names. They are, frankly, in my opinion, terrible.
But I somewhat enjoy the social status quirk (given that social status is a big part of my settings), and the sun connection is interesting, though not revolutionary. Go to Comment
I'm trying to strike the right balance between making magic seem bizarre, mystical, and ritualistic and making it seem alchemistic, scientific, sort of like technobabble is used in the modern age. Go to Comment
I beg to differ, though only on one point- in the "first" golem story (though not the very first story of an artificial being), the Hebrew one, the golem does not, in fact, turn against its creator.
But anyway, whatever. Go to Comment
I like it, it's a bit "high fantasy" for me, in that everything is ensorcelled (and that magic seems to be pretty common).
ON the other hand, I love the setting details... It seems almost steampunk in a way, and I like the details about the free cities and the Hegemony, and the spell names are great.
However, the description seems a bit short.. I'm not sure what other details you could put into it, besides perhaps a more detailed description of the thing, and perhaps notes about its crew, but it ends quite abruptly.
People argue about the true form of the beasts known as "Bloodtouches", since they seem to take dozens of forms. Unfortunately, their bite's effect isn't in doubt. Anyone bitten by the bright crimson beasts rapidly loses all hair; their skin color shifts to bloody red. Many people fear those under this curse; villages of blood-skinned outcasts huddle in the wilds.