"If you take out all the bullshit about the machines and the crappy prophecy, The Matrix was pretty close to the truth. Just think about it for awhile and you'll see how much sense it makes. And really, if you were trapped in a game and couldn't wake up, wouldn't you want to know the truth? So you could do something about it?"
" . . . Still haven't convinced you, huh? Here, tell you what: I'll give you my card. Whenever you feel like learning the real truth of this world, give me a call. I'll show you the ropes."
Other improvisational weapons/tools:
Icicles are useful as daggers,
Bag Of Holding filled with copper pieces used by chucking the contents at foes, (by strolen)
sleeves make useful garrotes. Ya can't cut anyone's neck, but you sure can choke 'em!
Flaming Logs make great clubs, (any Barbarians out there?)
and Bee hives are very effective when thrown at a mob of enemies. :-)